Scatterheart. [BaekRen, Nu'est, PG-13, EN]

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Scatterheart. [BaekRen, Nu'est, PG-13, EN]

ViestiKirjoittaja Nera » La Marras 02, 2013 11:15 am

Title: Scatterheart.
Author: Nera
Rating: PG-13
Chapters: Oneshot
Beta: None
Pairings: Baekho/Ren [Nu’est]
Genre: AU, fluff
Warnings: cursing, partial nudity
Summary: “JR is helpful and smears some icing on Baekho’s cheek and later he finds he has it in his short hair as well, and Ren offers to get it out of his hair for him. And Baekho lets him close, lets him pick out the icing, because despite he doesn’t like being close anymore he still craves it. He just wishes it would mean something else.”

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the story. The title is borrowed from Björk’s song with the same name.

Comments: Wrote this for Cessi, who is my fellow Baekren shipper. I had to make them a little older to feel comfortable about writing this fic, because my relationship to them is a little twisted and I feel dirty for liking them as much as I do. So, nothing much has changed, just their age and maybe a couple of haircuts and colours.
Word count: 2538




It's unfortunate that when we feel a storm
We can roll ourselves over 'cause we're uncomfortable
Oh well, the devil makes us sin
But we like it when we're spinning in his grip

- Massive Attack, Paradise Circus




Baekho doesn’t like it anymore when Ren invades his personal space. Before it was fine, because before it was just friendly banter between them and both knew how to smile and laugh at it. Nowadays it means something more, for him, apparently not as much for Ren.

It is frustrating, Baekho thinks. He would be more than happy to go back to the days when they were eighteen, their faces full of spots and their bodies filled with carefree energy. Back to the days when Ren’s hair was blond with mile-long dark roots, unlike the perfect brown-black dye he’s been assigned. Yes, they had been stressed and tired and run down then as well. It just feels like the feeling has amplified over the years, adding to the crush Baekho nurses inside his heart. Some days it hurts more, some days it hurts less. Some days he even forgets it nestles inside his heart, only to be painfully reminded of it when Ren leans in a little closer, pushing him into a psychological corner and he knows only to smile sheepishly.

Baekho bites his lower lip and cocks an eyebrow when he watches Ren interact with the others. Jealousy is a prickly feeling in his fingertips and he turns away and focuses on his dancing instead. He has been irritated more than once that Ren doesn’t really show his feelings anymore, it occurs to him. When he got into his twenties he seemed to achieve a whole new level of cool. It’s almost chilly. Baekho doesn’t know if Ren likes what they became in the eyes of fans, but he knows he enjoyed it and still does.

He just wishes it was real sometimes.



It is Baekho’s twenty-fourth birthday that day. His fans sing to him together with the rest of the group when they are on stage and he notices he’s teased for being as moved as he is. Baekho smiles widely and wipes his wet face in Aron’s sleeve and gets smacked on the head, softly, followed by an amused snort. Strong hands pat his back encouragingly as he turns to a black raging sea littered with fireflies that is the audience and waves to them, before he blows out the candles on the cake their back-up dancers helped to wheel in. JR is helpful and smears some icing on Baekho’s cheek and later he finds he has it in his short hair as well, and Ren offers to get it out of his hair for him. And Baekho lets him close, lets him pick out the icing, because despite he doesn’t like being close anymore he still craves it. He just wishes it would mean something else.

A year ago, Baekho asked Ren to stop sleeping in his bed. He regrets that request every day, when he lays down on his back and stares at the ceiling. He’s glad management decided it was time they all got a room of their own a few years ago, because they were adults now. At first it had been lonely and Ren had snuck into his room almost every night and snuggled up to his chest. Baekho misses the scent of his hair and the pressure of his body against his and how it was almost unbearably clammy under the duvets they insisted on having pulled over them. He didn’t want to admit he would’ve wanted them to continue, but his racing heart and his racing mind doesn't let him. Ren grew up to be beautifully handsome, his face less soft and his body solid muscle mass and Baekho grew to love that change in him.


The after-party takes a whole other turn when they sneak out for drinks. It’s not a secret per say. They’ve done so plenty of times and their management knows they aren’t always sober when they stumble back into the dorm. Neither are they this time. Minhyun’s broad shoulders collide with everything and he pulls down a set of coats. Ren bitches at him, because naturally, his coats are fucking expensive top of the market pieces, until Baekho decides it’s enough and takes hold of Ren’s upper arm and pulls him away from what could’ve become an ugly fight. He remembers all too well how the ice prince is the reigning king of arm wrestling in the house and Baekho doesn’t need to witness a fight now. He had had so much fun. And he was so goddamn drunk and brave.

“Enough.” he commands and drags him across the dorm, into his own room and Ren stumbles through the dark and over the piles that Baekho hasn’t had the interest to clear. Somehow they manage to light the room and they see what a disaster they are.

“Fuck off.” Ren hisses when he regains his balance and looks at Baekho through his mess of hair.

“No,” Baekho leans against his closed bedroom door and stares at Ren for the longest while, his gaze a little unfocused. “W-We’re not going to fight over a couple of coats…” he manages. Ren looks like he wants to say something but decides not to when Baekho raises his hand as a sign he won’t listen to the shit Ren has to say. Ren isn’t stable on his feet and ends up sitting on the edge of Baekho’s bed and Baekho thinks Ren look good on it.

It’s awkward. Ren is exactly where Baekho wants him, but he doesn’t manage anything in this situation.

“What, am I hostage now?” Ren frowns and Baekho laughs.

“No.” he smiles and Ren gets up from where he’s sitting and he announces he’s leaving for his own room on wobbling feet. Baekho doesn’t let him reach for the door handle, for he grabs Ren’s hand in his and leans closer to him than he otherwise would do. Ren looks stunning with his messed up hair and reminder of eye make-up. He’s so close Baekho can smell the alcohol on his breath. Ren looks at him, his gaze about as unfocused as Baekho’s and he tries to pull himself free with a lazy tug, but the other doesn’t let him.

“Stay,” Baekho asks, timidly and his fingers caress Ren’s hand softly. He doesn’t look directly at him anymore, because his face feels hot and Ren’s gaze is now curious and it pierces through him like daggers. “Please?” Baekho adds a little desperate maybe when he looks up into Ren’s eyes.

Ren is as unfathomable as the deep sea. He raises one eyebrow – curiosity lingers – and parts his lips to say something but decides against it. Baekho decides he won’t even try to make any sense of the situation when he inches even closer and Ren’s lips form the tiniest of smiles briefly. Their noses touch and Baekho tilts his head and blinks his eyes repeatedly. Ren exhales softly and momentarily presses closer, but avoids Baekho’s lips which plant themselves on the younger’s cheek.

“Sorry.” Baekho mutters against Ren’s skin and he lingers there.

“Shut up, idiot.” Ren growls a warning. Baekho let’s go of his hand and travels up his arm to hold his shoulder gently.

“I miss you,” Baekho admits and Ren snorts, because he’s right fucking there, in Baekho’s personal space and he wants to go sleep in his own room. Sometimes Baekho hates Ren for being so insensitive to other people’s emotions. “Fine, go.” he groans and detaches himself from Ren’s body heat and he’s ready to collapse in his own bed now that’s he’s done fucking things up. Baekho manages maybe three steps past Ren, before the taller of the two grazes his fingers over Baekho’s shoulder. It’s brief, nondescript but it still manages to burn his skin like fire and Baekho halts.

“You’re so dramatic…” Ren sighs as he steps up behind Baekho and wraps his arms around his waist and lays a soft kiss on his shoulder. Baekho tenses against Ren’s chest when he feels his nose pressing into his neck, just underneath his ear. He feels so sober, too sober, all of a sudden and all this feels unreal. Baekho struggles to find the words that are stuck in his throat; because he doesn’t want any of this if it’s just a fucking game. Ren’s arms a strong and unyielding around his middle and his body warm against Baekho’s back and he finds he wants to hold him – just like he used to when they were scrawny kids. He hates how Ren has him wrapped around his little finger and how easy it was for him to crawl under Baekho’s skin.

“I like this blond hair on you.” Ren muses right beside his right ear and Baekho chuckles nervously. Right. He offers a meek thanks and he feels how his skin prickles when one of Ren’s hands toys with a few short strands in his neck. Baekho was never allowed to evolve from the Mohawk he has sported since he was eighteen. He doesn’t mind much.


“Ren…” Baekho starts, nerves still strung and his heart brittle when he detaches himself from Ren’s embrace. It’s just too much for him right now. “Forget this- I… I don’t know.” he tries to make sense of the situation.

“I’ll stay.”

Ren’s voice is so soft Baekho blinks a couple of times to properly process the words he just heard. Ren looks at him with the tiniest of smiles tugging at the corners of his mouth.

“Oh.” is all Baekho manages, before Ren is in his personal space again and it’s too close for comfort. He looks up in Ren’s dark eyes and Ren looks back at him, his eyes twinkling mischievously. Baekho isn’t sure his heart can take this.

“Let’s go sleep, I’m tired,” Ren mumbles and moves two steps left to remove his button-down shirt and jeans. Baekho tries not to stare too much and too obviously and Ren shoves him in the side before he crawls into bed with only his sleeveless and underwear on. “Get in.” he prompts, because Baekho’s mind is swimming. He manages to get out of his own clothes, kill the lights and awkwardly places himself on a polite distance from the other, which is useless because Ren crawls closer until his nose is underneath Baekho’s chin.

As if July wasn’t hot enough, Baekho feels like he’s burning up on both the outside and the inside. He’s certain Ren can hear the frantic beating of his heart.

“This is what you want, isn’t it?” Ren mutters softly, his arm secure around Baekho’s naked middle. His thumb strokes Baekho’s skin softly and the question lingers in the air. Yes, this is what Baekho wants. He wants this more than he realises he does.

“Not if you’re not okay with it.” he manages after a few minutes of silence. He turns in Ren’s embrace and dares to wrap his arm around him in return. Ren looks like he’s thinking things over, but Baekho can’t really be sure, because that’s not how Ren usually works. Then there’s a hand behind his neck that pulls him uncomfortably close and Baekho drowns in the kiss that follows. It’s clumsy and Ren is so eager Baekho almost can’t keep up.

They shift around when they break apart, cheeks adorably red, both of Ren’s hands hold the back of Baekho’s neck and he pulls him over himself. Baekho moans into the kiss when their lips part and he can taste the liquor on Ren’s tongue. He wants to devour him and claim him as he sucks on his tongue and cradles him close and closer. Ren breaks the kiss, panting slightly and Baekho peppers his cheeks and neck with kisses. It’s better than anything he could ever dream of and Ren is so beautiful Baekho has to touch his hot face with trembling fingers to reassure himself he’s not dreaming. Ren smiles, almost grins and Baekho loves the feeling when he cards his slender fingers through the blond mess that used to be his Mohawk.

“This is nuts.” Baekho manages and presses his forehead against Ren’s. Ren merely nods and reaches forward into another kiss.

“Don’t care,” he mutters between kisses and nips at Baekho’s lower lip. “It feels so good.” Ren sighs and coaxes the birthday boy into another bruising kiss, his blunt nails digging into the skin over Baekho’s shoulder blades. There’s another hunger awakening in the pit of his stomach and he tries to not care and he tries to will the arousal away, but it wasn’t as easy as he would’ve liked it to be. He tries his best not to grind into the side of Ren’s hip, but he has a slight hunch Ren knows already by the way he arches into Baekho’s chest and his hands travel on his body.

“Ren-” Baekho stammers. “R-Ren, stop.” he groans as he pulls away and supports himself an arm’s length away from Ren’s swollen lips and smouldering eyes.

“Don’t you want to?” Ren questions and his fingers criss-cross on Baekho’s strong chest; over his quivering abs and down to his navel. Does he want to? Baekho chuckles nervously and lies down on his back beside Ren to extend the psychological distance between them.

“Yes, Rennie,” he admits. “Just not now…” he smiles sheepishly. Baekho is too much of a gentleman to fuck Ren when they aren’t sober. Not to mention he has no idea how to approach the subject and much less how the mechanics work. It’s not like he has a lot of experience…

“Oh.” Ren breathes and sits up next to Baekho. He’s not disappointed, per say, more like surprised about how things turned out.

“Are you mad?” Baekho’s insecurities have him fidget with the edge of the duvet and his dart over Ren’s hunched over posture and he notices the other is as aroused as he is. Ren raises his eyebrows, then smiles softly and shakes his head, before he leans back on his hands and stares somewhere far away. Baekho relaxes and releases a breath he hadn’t realised he was holding.

“Don’t fret, Tiger.” Ren chuckles and Baekho smiles at the endearment. He still hates how Ren slips in and out of control so easily and can tug at his heartstrings with little to no effort. He reaches out for his hand and their fingers lace together with practiced ease. They remain like that for a while and say absolutely nothing, but they don’t have to either.



“I hate you.” Baekho grunts and Ren snorts, before he nestles into Baekho’s side and their legs tangle. He cradles Baekho’s cheek with one hand and turns his face down so he can kiss him one, two, three times and linger there. Baekho feels light-headed when he presses Ren closer to himself and nuzzles his tousled hair.

“I know,” Ren smiles against Baekho’s clavicles and kisses his neck. “Happy birthday.” he mumbles and settles for the night, one arm wrapped tightly around Baekho’s chest and Baekho’s arm tightly around his shoulders. Baekho feels a small twinkle of love in his chest and tells Ren he’ll see him tomorrow. Ren nods against his chest and Baekho dares to think this birthday hasn't been so disastrous after all.




//

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Nera
Vuoden crossover
 
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Liittynyt: To Elo 14, 2008 5:43 pm
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