Gravity Zero. [Uruha/Toshiya, NC-17, drama]

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Gravity Zero. [Uruha/Toshiya, NC-17, drama]

ViestiKirjoittaja Nera » Su Loka 27, 2013 6:22 pm

Title: Gravity Zero.
Author: Nera
Rating: NC-17
Beta: None
Pairings: Toshiya/Uruha [Dir en grey/the GazettE]
Genre: Hurt and comfort, drama, PWP
Warnings: Explicit sex, BDSM, drug abuse, sensory deprivation, flogging, bondage.
Summary: “Toshiya had promised Uruha he would stop smoking weed when they had moved in together almost three months ago. Uruha had grown tired of seeing Toshiya high every other weekend, because it made him irritable and they usually had their ugliest fights when Toshiya was under the influence. Toshiya sometimes wondered why Uruha was so good to him afterwards and why he even had stayed, when he had behaved like an asshole”

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the story.

Comments: For daysofdistress, with all my adoration. Happy birthday!
Word count: 8040


But I must admit I miss you quite terribly. The world is too quiet without you nearby. I go to bed early and rise late and feel as if I have hardly slept at all.
- Lemony Snicket, The Beatrice Letters

Toshiya was frustrated to the point where he was about to cry. He had had to walk out of the studio for a breather, a cigarette break as he called it, but in the end he had taken the easy way out and gone home.

The thing was, Toshiya loved his job, loved his band and he loved it with all his heart. But he didn't enjoy the tension and it made him skittish. Not to mention it made him nervous to the point where he only had one outlet. The reason for his frustration and the tension between the band members was mostly the fact that they were on an undefined hiatus because of Kyo being put onto bed rest because of the damage in his vocal chords. In Toshiya's humble opinion, this was one time too many already that something like this had happened. He wished things would be smoother for them, but when crisis hit, it more or less paralysed the entire group and they felt listless.

Right now they had tried to have some sort of a meeting about possible plan B's, if Kyo didn't get healthy. It had quickly evolved into a bitch-fit between the four of them and Toshiya had walked out. He walked briskly and wrapped his coat a little tighter around himself. He fiddled with the cigarette case in the left-hand pocket and never had he felt as guilty as he did now when he remembered it held a little something he had promised he wouldn't fall back into.

“Good for nothing, right?”

Toshiya had promised Uruha he would stop smoking weed when they had moved in together almost three months ago. Uruha had grown tired of seeing Toshiya high every other weekend, because it made him irritable and they usually had their ugliest fights when Toshiya was under the influence. Toshiya sometimes wondered why Uruha was so good to him afterwards and why he even had stayed, when he had behaved like an asshole. Then again, Uruha had gotten just as bothersome at times, because he was an expert drinker. Maybe he felt remorse of some sort, and had a hard time to judge Toshiya when he wasn't so prim and proper himself... Both had tried to reason for their destructive behaviour.

But right now, he wondered if he could get away with a simple roll, if he smoked it in haste and outside. Uruha would still be able to smell it on him, but he was willing to risk it, for the sake of selfishness. Who knew. Uruha might've been out drinking with some friends by now, or uncorking that bottle of wine he had been sitting on for quite a while. Toshiya huffed and palmed the joint in his pocket before he turned right and into a smaller alley, away from peoples gazes. Toshiya's fingers trembled slightly when he placed the joint between his lips. He fumbled with the lighter – it just wouldn't strike a flame as smoothly as he had wished. His surroundings lit up for a second when the lighter finally worked as he pleased, and he found he was surrounded by tall, plastered buildings and some garbage containers. He could see the other side of the block squint out further to his right and he got to be alone during the ten minutes he indulged in the cannabis. The first inhale of the sickeningly sweet drug was like lighting Christmas lights; exciting and nerve wrecking. The effects didn't kick in until you almost had finished the joint, this much Toshiya knew from experience.
Fuck, he should've smoked it further away from home.

Toshiya noted that the traffic was light, almost too light even. To be quite honest though, he didn't really care. The sky was a funny colour to him and the cars looked even sillier. Toshiya grinned all toothy and thought about calling Uruha. Uruha would be so mad if he found out! Toshiya had even gone and bought himself a cheap pint of beer in a vain attempt to cover the smell of marijuana on his breath. He had spilt some on his shirt and laughed about it, even though he later wondered why people gave him so very dirty looks.
The world was becoming funny for him and he sent a clumsy mail to Uruha to let him know he was coming home slightly earlier, and that he would love for him to wear something light. Uruha had answered pretty fast that he would think about it. Toshiya snorted of laughter and stuffed his phone into his pocket. The next thing he did was walk in the opposite direction of their home in the neighbourhood of Akasaka and he ended up in the neon jungle that was Akihabara. Toshiya didn't really know how he had ended up there anyway, because it was a walk closer to five kilometres and it had gone by in a flash.

The lights were magnificent to Toshiya, despite guilt kept rapping against the skin behind his left ear. He was in a depressing wonderland of beautiful things and he wished Uruha would be with him to share this experience. The air smelt sweet in his nose and suddenly he was craving sickeningly sweet things, which he normally never ate. Luckily for him it wasn't very late and crepe stands would still be open a few hours and all the 7/11's would be his best friends that night. Actually, Toshiya had no idea of the time at that moment, but he reckoned it was around six in the evening. He wasn't sure, but had long ago decided it didn't matter.

He found a crepe stand further down the road. The ladies managing the stand looked at him when he made his order like he was barking mad, because he wanted pretty much everything in his crepe and he wanted three of them. Toshiya grinned ear to ear when he walked further away from home, eating all three sweets at the same time, because life was short and you needed dessert first. At least when you were high as a kite.

Toshiya ended up walking into a bar later the same night and that was about as much as he remembered.

Uruha was furious the next time he got hold of Toshiya. Toshiya was pretty oblivious and out of knowledge of where he was. He didn't know what to say and he thought he was with some friends. Uruha screamed bloody murder at him, sick with worry and furious Toshiya hadn't made any calls since the last one at approximately four in the afternoon the day before.

“God, you're so fucking stupid sometimes!” Uruha almost sobbed into phone and Toshiya was certain he was pulling his hair somewhere in their comfortable apartment in the comfy neighbourhood of Akasaka. Toshiya kind of wished he was home right now, under a warm comforter where he could nurse his hang-over. Right now... He seemed to be on a park bench. He just wasn't so sure of what park. Or how he had gotten there, for instance. The birds where singing though and the sky looked like it normally did, which was blue and not pink or orange.

“I'll come home soon, ok?” Toshiya tried to smooth things over, holding the phone with two hands at a moderate distance from his ear. Uruha was mellow most of the time, but now he was livid. Toshiya didn't really blame him for it and he felt bad he had made Uruha worry so much, just because he had been childish and selfish. Not to forget he had betrayed the one promise he had made to him, and that didn't exactly help him. He knew he deserved everything Uruha had to throw at him. “I'm taking a cab, don't worry about me, love.” he ended the call and rubbed his forehead with frustration. This was going to be great.

Toshiya somehow found a taxi and got to know he had ended up in Ginza of all places. He still had his wallet, stuffed deep into the pocket of his leather jacket, but he was missing his other shoe and when he happened to steal a glance in a nearby shop-window, he noticed he looked pretty homeless. No wonder no one wanted to talk to him when he had tried to inquire where he was and where the closest taxi station was. Finally a willing enough older gentleman had dared fate and helped Toshiya out.
When he sat in the back seat of the taxi, totally zoned out of reality, he understood how pathetic he must've looked to everyone. A grown man, who was acting out like a child when life handed him pretty huge lemons. It didn't help his hangover the slightest and the occasional flash-backs were just painful. He smelled bad, looked like an idiot and now stories from yesterday made it even more painful to merely exist. He had been all over Tokyo that night and done all the stupidest shit you could come up with.

He definitely deserved anything Uruha would throw at him.

Toshiya opened the door with his tail between his legs and tried to make his tall frame seem as tiny as possible. He sincerely hoped Uruha would be out doing groceries or anything at all instead of being home, but he had no such luck. The second his partner heard the lock turn, he had stood in the other end of the hall, black tentacles of anger oozing around him. Yeah, Toshiya would deserve this.

“Hi.” he tried.

“Hi.” Uruha greeted him about as enthusiastically. His tone was icy and Toshiya winced and shrunk about in his presence.

“I'm home.” Toshiya shrugged off his coat and lone shoe, and he had hoped he could sneak into the shower before he saw Uruha or Uruha saw him. Maybe also change his clothes. Definitely change his clothes.


“Look, baby, I'm so so-”

“Shut up!” Uruha shouted across the hall and stomped over to Toshiya to stare him in the eyes. “Just shut the fuck up, Toshiya!” he clenched his fists in between their bodies and his body shook of the emotions he tried to hold back. “Do you know how fucking worried I have been?” Uruha shouted in his face and Toshiya had to turn his face away and tried to say something to make up for what he had done. “No. Look at me. I'm not done,” Uruha's voice shook. Toshiya merely waited for a fist to collide with his face. He did deserve it, he really did and he wouldn't hold it against Uruha if he would beat him up. Then the thing he had dreaded the most happened. Uruha picked up the one smell Toshiya had hoped he would miss.

“Have you smoked weed?” his tone was deceptively calm as his stare pushed right through Toshiya.

“No.” Toshiya tried, in vain. Uruha was onto him like a blood hound.

“Don't lie to me!”

“Why is it such a bother for you if I take a drag once in a while?” Toshiya exclaimed, equally frustrated with the situation. “For fucks sake, Uruha, you're not my mother.”

“No, but I'm your partner and I actually care if you end up in jail for possessing drugs! Did you ever think that far?” Uruha backed off from Toshiya and strode into the living room. “Did you ever think someone might've called the cops on you?”

“It was just one little cigarette, baby...” Toshiya tried to reason, but Uruha threw his hands up in the air and groaned.

“Why are you so fucking selfish? Didn't you think about your career? Didn't you think about us? Me?” Of course Toshiya had thought about it all. Many times. He hated the fact that he could lose it all if he had got caught.

“Well right now I don't know if I have a career at all, thanks to the band for being on indefinite hiatus!” Toshiya bellowed.

“I know it's stressful, but getting high isn't the answer to the problem!” Uruha shouted back at him and walked back into Toshiya's personal space. “The only thing I ever asked from you was that you wouldn't smoke that shit. I never asked for anything else!” Uruha cried, visibly upset. “I didn't ask for you to remember my birthday or our anniversary! I just asked that you wouldn't get high and do stupid shit and now...” Uruha actually sobbed at the last syllable and to Toshiya surprise, laid his clenched fist very gently against Toshiya's chest.

“I'm so disappointed.” he murmured. Hearing those words hurt Toshiya more than a knee to the crotch and he blushed crimson from the shame he felt. He didn't want to be the reason Uruha was upset and disappointed. He laid his hand gently over Uruha's, but Uruha pulled away from him and marched into their bedroom with determination. Toshiya heard the door slam shut and he knew Uruha needed to be alone for a moment. He took it as an opportunity to shower and change into something fresh. Only after he had turned on the shower and stood there for a good ten minutes, he remembered that all his clothes were in their bedroom. He sighed and pounded his fist against his forehead repeatedly. He was a born dumbass and he wouldn't grow out of it, no matter how hard he tried.

Toshiya stayed in the shower another ten minutes, before he got out and pulled on Uruha's bathrobe. He buried his nose in the collar and huffed. He wanted to cry, to be honest as he hugged the bathrobe closer to his body. Toshiya brushed his teeth and cut his toe nails, all to buy a little more time for himself before he had to face Uruha. He was afraid, because he had absolutely no idea what he should say. He looked at himself in the bathroom mirror and scowled. What a man... The last thing he did was shave his face, because he looked homeless.

He walked cautiously to the bedroom door and leaned against it as quietly as he could. He couldn't really hear anything from behind the door, but in reality, he didn't know what he should expect. Uruha rarely cried in front of him and he didn't throw temper tantrums, unlike Toshiya who sometimes did. Toshiya assumed Uruha would be either sitting in a corner fuming, or lying in bed, doing the very same thing.

“Hey, Uruha...” he called softly through the door and pushed the door open slightly to take a peek inside.

“Go away.” came weakly as an answer from the direction of their bed and Toshiya dared to contradict his lover, because by the sound of it, Uruha wasn't very serious. And on the bed he was, back against the middle and he was fiddling with the duvet.

“No,” Toshiya smiled sheepishly and walked over to where Uruha was laying. He knelt beside Uruha on the floor and smiled cautiously. “Hey.”

“Fuck off.” Uruha avoided eye contact and rolled over so his back was towards Toshiya. Toshiya sighed and shook his head.

“No,” he reached forward and laid a hand on Uruha's waist. “I want to apologise. I need to.” he added and looked down at the floor. Uruha remained unresponsive to Toshiya's words and Toshiya sighed as he stood up from where he was kneeling and sat on the bed instead.

“I know I was an arse earlier. And I'm so sorry,” he moved his hand up and down in a gentle, caressing motion. “I'm so sorry baby.”

Toshiya sat in silence with Uruha's shallow breathing as the only sound in the entire room. He wasn't going to pressure it out of Uruha, for it would've only made him more locked up about the situation, despite he had just screamed and shouted. Toshiya understood Uruha would need for him to suffer in silence for a while. He would've done the more or less exact same thing if it had been Uruha who had done the same stupid shit Toshiya had.
So Toshiya sat in silence with his embarrassment, occasionally brushing his thumb against Uruha's side in some odd apologetic way, and waited. He kept saying he was sorry, most of the time he was thinking the words, turning them over in his mouth, tasting them. A few he whispered quietly to not disturb the silence. The only life signs from Uruha were his deep frown and slow breathing. His eyes were cast down, making it clear he wasn't up for any conversations right now. Toshiya was about to get up and leave Uruha alone for a moment, but Uruha decided he had something so say after all.

“We could've lost it all.” he murmured weakly, speaking more to the mattress and other bedding, than to Toshiya.

“What?” Toshiya prodded gently and Uruha sat up, eyes filled with grief.

“We could've lost all of this,” Uruha made a sweeping gesture around the room. “We could've lost this life we have built together for years... We could've lost everything! I could've lost you...” Uruha sniffed and Toshiya felt his heart stop for a second, because he didn't want to be the reason Uruha cried. He hurried to collect Uruha in his arms and embrace him tightly. Uruha pressed up against him and buried his face in the crook of Toshiya's neck and he felt Toshiya lay his cheek on top of Uruha's hair.

“I could've lost you...” Uruha repeated with so much heartbreak in his voice, it sounded to Toshiya like he had given up on them already. He didn't want Uruha to give up. He didn't want to give up himself either. Uruha was the best thing in his whole life and no amount of cannabis would ever change that.

“Love, oh love...” Toshiya caressed Uruha's back soothingly as Uruha hiccupped through the one or two tears he allowed himself to shed. “I was such a dumbass for doing what I did...” he continued cautiously and laid a kiss on the crown of Uruha's head. “I do not want you to go.” Toshiya pressed his eyes shut and squeezed Uruha a little harder against himself.

“Can't you please quit that habit?” Uruha's shoulders shuddered and he looked up into Toshiya's eyes, his own a little red and puffy around the edges. “For our sake?” his voice was a mere whisper and Toshiya had to turn his gaze away from Uruha, because he felt so ashamed for what he had gone and done. His lover shouldn't have to beg and plead for him to do something for the two of them. Toshiya took hold of Uruha's hand and laced their fingers together tightly.

“I will try my hardest,” he kissed Uruha's knuckles repeatedly. “I promise.” Toshiya murmured between kisses.

“I'll help you, love.” Uruha leaned back into Toshiya, wrapping his free arm around Toshiya's waist.

“It's just so hard you know? I'm so used to it being an outlet...” Toshiya murmured. Uruha sighed. It wasn't what he wanted to hear, Toshiya knew and the way Uruha leaned away from him hurt him even more.

“Then get used to it not being,” Uruha stood up from the bed and grabbed a few things before he headed out towards the front door. “I'm already late from work. See you later.” he waved half-heartedly and excited the house.

Uruha left Toshiya alone with his thoughts for the rest of the day. He didn't answer calls or text messages. He didn't do much of anything to be honest, but laid flat on his back on either the floor in the living room or on the bed. Toshiya's head was spinning. How could he possibly even think of choosing something so trivial over the best things he had in life? He was ashamed and wished he had expressed himself better when they had talked. Uruha had to be miserable and now it would show in his work as well, because Toshiya knew Uruha took out his frustration by secluding himself and making angry music. He would also go out and drink and pass out when he came home and Toshiya wasn't so fond of that. Toshiya sniffed and wiped his cheeks – he hadn't even noticed he had been crying. He got up and tightened the bathrobe around himself, before he walked into the kitchen to fetch himself some orange juice. He checked his cell phone briefly, but there was only one missed call and two text messages, but nothing from Uruha. Just as he had feared. But then again, maybe it was better this way. Toshiya knew where Uruha was and Uruha knew where Toshiya was.

Toshiya went through the fridge, not finding anything edible except for vegetable juices and he hated them with passion. He thought he'd order Uruha's favourite type of dumplings, so maybe they could start making up.

Toshiya cleaned up the mess he had made earlier and did the dishes from yesterday. He vacuumed and changed the sheets and even went through their clean laundry. He found his favourite t-shirt he had given to Uruha, because Uruha looked better than him in it. Toshiya smiled and folded it onto the shelf in their shared cupboard. He was still wearing Uruha's bathrobe, and didn't even bother to change when their food was delivered.

After disposing the food into the kitchen, Toshiya sent a text message to Uruha, informing him there now was food in the house and that he was waiting for him to come home. A nondescript ok came back a few minutes later. Toshiya sighed and sat down in the sofa.

Toshiya’s heart was fragile. He didn’t cope well with situations as brittle as this that they now were in. Uruha had reprimanded him many times for wearing his heart on his sleeve, but Toshiya had smiled and said it didn’t matter because Uruha held that heart in his hands and it made Toshiya feel safe. He coped even worse now that he knew it was his fault the situation had gone so sour between them. When Uruha did come home, he spoke very little with him when if he did and Toshiya knew he was suffering too. Then there were the days when Uruha didn’t come home, leaving Toshiya at home wonder where the hell he was. A text message might’ve lit up his phone in the middle of the night, letting him know Uruha was crashing at Reita’s place. It broke Toshiya’s heart to know Uruha was running away like this and he clutched Uruha’s pillow to his chest to relieve the heart ache. When Uruha eventually came home, Toshiya sensed he was uneasy. He had learned to recognise Uruha’s stress symptoms a good while ago and they were present constantly. There was a persistent frown on his features, he was jittery and snappish. Toshiya wished he could help, but when he tried, Uruha shied away from the attention. Toshiya wasn’t very comfortable either, for the times he caught Uruha looking at him, he felt like he was being scrutinised for the things he did or hadn’t yet done.

“I’m sorry,” Toshiya tried one night, a week and a half from their initial fight, his words muffled against the pillow. He could see how Uruha’s shoulders tensed momentarily in the dim light from the bed side lamp, before he relaxed into the bedding. “Baby, we can’t keep doing this…” he pleaded and brushed a knuckle against Uruha’s back. Uruha was quiet a little too long for Toshiya’s liking before he rolled over on his back, hands on his chest and stared at the ceiling, his lips pursed.

“No…” he admitted softly his chest rising and falling from a heavy sigh.

“Uru, I… I’m-” Toshiya struggled to find the appropriate words.

“Don’t say you’re sorry anymore… It doesn’t really matter anyway, now does it?” Uruha’s words were bitter slaps against Toshiya’s face. He had done a lot of thinking the past week and a half, since there wasn’t really any work for him to do, other than to wait for directions. He was fidgety and he longed for a joint to soothe his nerves.

“But I am, love, I am,” he pushed and crawled closer to Uruha who turned his head to look at him, eyes weary. “Please believe me…” Toshiya muttered, his brittle heart beating fast in his chest. He was tired of stumbling around the issue between them; he just wanted things to get back to normal. “I want things to be normal between us.” he spoke softly and reached for Uruha’s hand, lacing their fingers together in a shy attempt to regain this normalcy.

“How can things be normal between us, when you clearly have an issue with substances?” Uruha groaned exasperatedly, much to Toshiya’s dismay. His temperament flared and he squeezed Uruha’s hand a little tighter in his, adamant about not letting him go.

“I haven’t touched the drugs since we last fought about this,” he confessed, his tone hard. “I admit I’ve wanted to, many times…” Toshiya saw how Uruha’s jaw tensed and how he pressed his lips into a thin line, but said nothing. “I need you to understand you’re more important to me.” Toshiya choked out and pressed his lips against the back of Uruha’s trembling hand and Uruha let him. Uruha untangled their laced fingers and rolled over on his side, so he faced Toshiya. Their faces were only mere centimetres apart and he cupped Toshiya’s cheek gently, caressing the skin with his thumb.

“I hate this.” Uruha confessed against Toshiya’s lips, his eyes downcast and his whole being shy all of a sudden.

“What do you hate?” Toshiya asked, collecting his courage and touched Uruha’s face with slight trepidation. He longed to kiss Uruha and to hold him close and he needed to not feel insecure.

“How this got so out of hands all of a sudden…” Uruha gritted his teeth and placed his hand behind Toshiya’s neck and tangled his fingers in his short hair. He pressed their foreheads together, their noses touching.

“It hurts,” Toshiya motioned to his heart. “Fucking stings…” he reached for Uruha, his lips feathering Uruha’s and they almost, just barely touched.

“I want you back. I want my Toshiya back.” Uruha muttered before he pressed their lips together in an unsure kiss. It lasted for maybe a second. It was bitter-sweet and tasted like all the tears they were holding back. They stared at each other for two seconds; maybe even three, before Uruha climbed on top of Toshiya and their limbs tangled. The kiss that followed was messy and desperate and their hands pulled at their hair and Toshiya wrapped his legs around Uruha’s hips to keep him in place.

Toshiya’s fingers tingled as he brushed his hands through Uruha’s hair and down his shoulders, grasping the t-shirt he used to sleep in. Uruha’s fists were tight balls in his hair and his mouth was hot and moist against Toshiya’s. It was all teeth and tongue, until Toshiya pushed Uruha back and forced both of them to sit up. Uruha felt ruffled for a while, the frantic kisses kept him breathless, before he realised Toshiya was pulling off his pyjama shirt and was reaching for the hem of Uruha’s t-shirt in return. It came over Uruha’s head with a few impatient tugs and they tumbled back down into the bedding. Uruha’s mouth was everywhere on Toshiya’s body, nibbling and sucking on his chest and Toshiya let him.

“Let’s fuck this out, love.” Toshiya moaned and arched into Uruha’s touch, his skinny legs trembling with anticipation when he felt Uruha hum his approval against his sternum. The touch disappeared too quickly in Toshiya’s opinion, but the dark look Uruha gave him, told a whole other story. He sat back on his legs and Toshiya was seconds away from asking him if everything was okay, when Uruha spoke with the authority that he had experienced a couple of times before.

“Strip and get on the floor.”

Toshiya was quick to oblige and was naked, aroused and kneeling on the floor in less than a minute, facing the bed. Uruha sat himself on the edge of the bed, legs spread and his gaze stern. He had no intention of getting totally naked just yet, Toshiya knew.

“I don’t want you to speak a single word before I give you permission, understood?” he said coolly. Toshiya nodded. This side of Uruha excited him, because usually it was Toshiya who got to top and Uruha more than willingly submitted to getting fucked, but at times they switched around to please the dominant side of him. The first times it had freaked Toshiya out, because he wasn’t used to the idea of Uruha being dominant or sadistic, but Uruha was a patient lover and he had let Toshiya ease into the idea. After some fumbling, he had learned the indulgence of being controlled so completely.

“What should I do with you?” Uruha mused and got up from the bed, walking slowly around his kneeling mate. Toshiya kept his gaze turned down. “Maybe I should whip you until you become a quivering mess… Or just leave you sitting here and ignore the fact that you’re already so painfully hard.” Toshiya gulped and his cock twitched when Uruha mentioned his arousal. He wanted to answer Uruha’s question, but bit his lower lip and kept staring at the floor, the texture of the carpet digging into his knees and shins.

Uruha stopped circling him and for a moment Toshiya actually believed he had left the room but the quiet shuffling in their cupboard told him that Uruha still was present and figuring something out. Toshiya’s skin prickled and he could barely contain his anticipation – Uruha could’ve pulled out anything. They had a small collection of very different sex toys which they liked to use every now and then to spice up things. Toshiya’s favourites were the anal beads and vibrating cock rings they had, whereas he knew Uruha liked the flogger and handcuffs – on himself and on Toshiya.

“Lean over the bed, still on your knees,” Uruha commanded softly and Toshiya complied, resting his arms and head on the edge of the bed, still on his knees, back bare and open for Uruha to work on. “Good.” he complimented and Toshiya shivered slightly, his eyes still cast down and not looking at Uruha. A loud “thwack” echoed through the room and Toshiya bit the inside of his cheek to not whimper and to move away from the source of impact. He anticipated another hit from the flogger, but instead he was caressed with it; softly and gently.

“You’re cute when you submit so easily,” Uruha spoke and the flogger travelled down Toshiya’s quivering thighs and his breath hitched. “Kneel over the bed and spread your legs.”

Toshiya did as he was told and had to clasp a hand over his mouth not to moan when the faux leather tails of the flogger travelled over his balls so, so softly. It turned him on immensely and Uruha raised one eyebrow with curiosity. He raised his hand and hit Toshiya over his arse once, twice. Toshiya flinched and his breathing sounded like sobs.

“I want you to count the hits and thank me for each one.” Uruha instructed and without waiting for Toshiya to process this, hit him again. Toshiya sobbed out a ‘one’ and ‘thank you, Uruha’, and repeated for every hit he got. Uruha had Toshiya count up to twenty-five, before he stopped and put the flogger aside, ordering Toshiya to be silent again. Toshiya’s whole body trembled and the skin on his back, arse and thighs was fiery red. He sobbed audibly when Uruha trailed his hand over the irritated skin with featherlike touches. It earned him a slap and he understood to stay silent.

“I like you this sensitive…” Uruha mused and Toshiya stole a glance at the other man who smiled down at him. Uruha was nowhere near done and Toshiya could see it. “Should I fuck you next or tease you even further?” Toshiya knew it didn’t matter if he answered or not, Uruha would still do what pleased him. Uruha hummed audibly and Toshiya heard him walk away from him and then open the cupboard, rustling through its contents. Anything could happen now and Toshiya had the sneaking suspicion it would take forever before he would be allowed to fall out of character.

“Sit up straight.” Uruha commanded from the depths of the cupboard and Toshiya instantly straightened his sore back and hissed when he sat back on his aching legs and arse. Uruha walked back with a mixed set of items and placed them neatly on their bed. Toshiya’s heart leapt of excitement. Before him, Uruha had laid out blindfolds, handcuffs, his favourite brand of lube and anal beads. Toshiya felt himself blush from the views his imagination presented him, because he knew Uruha would deliver.

“Hands behind your back.” Uruha prompted and soon enough Toshiya’s hands were cuffed behind his back. Toshiya resisted the urge to tug at the restraints and test their hold, because he knew Uruha wouldn’t approve of it. Next, Uruha blindfolded him with a thick velvet cloth and Toshiya’s senses heightened now that his vision was blocked. Uruha caressed his short hair with affection for a minute, before his touch left Toshiya to himself. Toshiya strained his ears to locate Uruha, but had little luck. He almost gave up hope of getting off when the same hand that had petted him so softly grabbed his hair sharply and pulled him up, guiding him to the bed and placing him on his back, feet still on the floor.

“Spread those pretty legs…” Uruha murmured next to Toshiya’s ear and he could feel the heat from Uruha’s body radiate onto his own and his clothed cock brush against Toshiya’s thigh. Uruha must’ve bent over him and Toshiya bit his lower lip to not whine rather audibly, when he spread his legs and Uruha moved between them. “You look so hot like this, so submissive and needy.” Uruha laid a couple of kisses on Toshiya’s chest before he reached for the lube and uncorked the tube.

“I know how you like this lube that heats up from friction,” Uruha purred and Toshiya’s whole body quivered from anticipation. God, yes, he loved that lube and how it felt to fuck with it. Uruha poured a generous helping of onto his palm and drizzled some on Toshiya’s body. “Aren’t you eager.” he grinned wolfishly

Toshiya mewled when the first slick finger penetrated him slowly and he blushed from the sensation. The burn of the lube built up gradually as Uruha inserted another finger and worked him roughly, occasional touches to his prostate making him jerk roughly and he hissed at the uncomfortable position of his arms.

Uruha smiled victoriously and pushed a third finger into Toshiya who took all three digits with ease. The fourth finger made him wail helplessly and Uruha let it slide this time. Seeing Toshiya come this undone from his hands alone flattered his ego and he made a conscious effort to massage his prostate.

Toshiya made an effort to not whine and plead and he knew he would have bruises on his wrists and back from the cuffs that dug into his back. A particularly rough shove against his prostate made him jerk and cry – he felt he was so close, so very close and he needed Uruha inside him and feel his closeness.

“If you keep sputtering and whining like that I will need to gag you,” Uruha warned his voice deceptively calm. “And make sure you don’t come before I do.” he added, retracting his fingers from Toshiya’s body. Toshiya nodded vigorously, despite his cock ached for any kind of stimulus and the fire in his loins wasn’t dying out no matter how much Uruha kept delaying his orgasm. The next thing the guitarist did was grab the anal beads and he covered them with lube, before brushing them against Toshiya’s thighs, lower abdomen and nipples even. Toshiya wriggled around, biting his lips to keep the moans inside his throat.

“You’d look good sucking my cock now…” Uruha mused, his own erection standing proudly inside his grey boxers, precum having already stained the front. Toshiya sucked at his own bottom lip hearing that and his mouth opened into a voiceless shout when Uruha pressed the first beads up his arse. Toshiya loved the feel of first having small beads pushed into him and how they gradually became bigger and bigger, filling him up. The added heat from the lube made the sensation even more thrilling and he had to control himself to not become a mess then and there. Uruha knew how to make him come in two minutes if he needed and wanted to, and the things he did now, weren’t far from it. Suddenly the movement between his legs stopped and he resisted the urge to whine helplessly, but the weight on the bed shifted and Toshiya felt pressure on his chest and shoulders, hot flesh rubbing up against his face.

“Worship it,” Uruha explained plainly and rubbed his rock hard erection against Toshiya’s face. He was careful to not place too much weight on Toshiya’s chest, because his arms were already taking all of his own body weight and the added pressure wouldn’t feel very good afterwards. Toshiya opened his mouth willingly and kissed and licked at the cock in front of him to the best of his abilities and took pleasure in the fact that Uruha’s thighs quivered in return. He could’ve given it all to be able to bite and claw at them before he would swallow down the other’s erection. “That’s weak; I know you can do better.” Uruha’s tone was provocative and Toshiya tried to suck more of his length into his mouth from the awkward position they were in. He licked at the throbbing vein under it and kissed Uruha’s sac with all the devotion he could muster.

“Guess what would be fun?” Uruha moaned, his head lolling back, Adam’s apple exposed and his dark hair a mess. “Doing a 69…” he mused and Toshiya felt like he could shoot his load from the fantasy alone. “But that’d be indulging you too much, so keep sucking that cock.” he prompted and smiled when Toshiya’s cheeks hollowed to suck him in and he aided his lover by grabbing and pushing his dick further into his mouth. Toshiya’s moans vibrated nicely around Uruha’s length and he reminded himself to let Toshiya do this more often – the man gave incredible head. Uruha carded his fingers through Toshiya’s black locks and tugged slightly to angle himself better and he had to hold himself back to not come in Toshiya’s mouth. Flogging him and teasing him had been such an immense turn-on for him, as well as seeing how willing Toshiya was in front of him. Uruha thought about the red welts that criss-crossed over Toshiya’s back, thighs and arse and how the soft duvet must’ve felt like a rough burlap sack against them. He moaned loudly and got away from Toshiya’s mouth with a lewd slurping noise and he didn’t make a show of putting on the condom and lubricating it; Toshiya was blindfolded anyway. Uruha fucked around with the anal beads for a short while, reminding Toshiya who called the shots and to keep him teetering on the edge of climax. He then pulled them out and pushed Toshiya further onto the bed, before kneeling between his thighs.

“Scream, baby.” he grinned like the Cheshire cat and lifter Toshiya’s left leg over his shoulder and pressed into his arse with ease.

Toshiya cried out and arched off the bed. How he had longed for Uruha’s cock to fill hip up and for the strong hands to hold his hips in place. The handcuffs chafed against his back and wrists, but Toshiya decided we wouldn’t care for now. Let them bruise, no one would even see them, now that the band was off duty and he had all the time in the world. Toshiya would heal and help mend his and Uruha’s relationship, because he still felt bad. The baggage would weigh heavy on him for a long time to come, but for now he allowed himself to forget it. Uruha’s relentless thrusts into his over sensitised body felt like lying on pins and needles and Toshiya knew he would be so sore. Every fervent thrust pulled a near-scream out of him and Uruha – the bastard – chuckled.

“You’re so magnificent like this, lover.” Uruha groaned.

“Please!” was all Toshiya managed for now. He had a hard time trying to keep up with Uruha’s fervent pace and trying to keep from coming didn’t make it any easier for him either. Toshiya whined and convulsed involuntarily when Uruha angled his thrusts perfectly over his prostate. “I’m so close, please!” he almost sobbed, sliding a couple of centimetres forward with every out of sync move.

“Soon…” Uruha spoke, his tone hushed and he bent forward to kiss Toshiya’s pouting lips, once, twice. Toshiya’s entire being keened for everything Uruha had to offer and the guitarist smiled fondly, wrapping Toshiya’s other leg around his waist to maximise the pleasure and drive him insane. He pushed balls-deep into Toshiya’s body and his long hair was a curtain around their faces. Uruha admired the bassist’s features and how pretty the velvet ribbon looked on his skin, the slight stubble on his chin tickling Uruha’s own. Fuck how he loved this man, despite his dumb habits and idiotic stunts he pulled.

“Please, Uruha, please!” Toshiya howled and would’ve clawed at Uruha’s back if he would have had the opportunity and had not been cuffed.

Uruha bit his lower lip and fucked Toshiya a bit harder, for he was not far away from orgasm either. His blunt nails dug into Toshiya’s skin and he leaned back up to hold a better angle.

“You feel so good.” he choked out before his hips stuttered and he pulled out of Toshiya, tore off the condom and milked himself onto Toshiya’s stomach. Cum glistened on Toshiya’s skin and it made Uruha feel like he had marked the bassist – even if very briefly. He grinned and wiped his fingers through the mess he had made. Toshiya was sobbing with need and pleading him to fuck him, finger him; basically anything, just so he could come and be relieved from the insane pressure that was boiling inside of him.

“Don’t worry baby.” Uruha cooed and kissed Toshiya’s right knee with affection. He teased his fingers lightly over Toshiya’s abdomen, his navel and laid himself down next to him, so he could breathe into his ear. His fingers barely grazed the crown and Toshiya croaked something nondescript.

“Come.” Uruha whispered hotly against his ear and Toshiya came gloriously, long limbs tensing and toes curling into the bedding and his cry was a primal howl which echoed in their room for the longest of seconds. Uruha watched it all play out and it was marvellous in his eyes. Toshiya’s breathing was ragged and he shivered, both from the cold and the intensity of his orgasm. They laid like that for a while, simply breathing and calming down their erratic heart beats.

After a while, Uruha sat up and helped Toshiya sit up as well. The bassist slumped forward and Uruha undid the leather straps from the cuffs and re-adjusted Toshiya’s arms for him to minimise the discomfort. Toshiya groaned and rubbed his tender wrists which would be black and blue tomorrow.

“I’m taking off the blind fold. Close your eyes…” Uruha prompted gently and undid the knot with practiced ease. Toshiya blinked his eyes open. Even the minimal light in the room felt a little overwhelming to him and he had to squint to see before him. “How do you feel?” Uruha moved some sweaty hair away from Toshiya’s eyes and kissed him tenderly on the ear. Toshiya leaned into the touch and wrapped his arms weakly around Uruha’s torso and laid his head on the guitarist’s shoulder.

“I’m ok. A little sore…” Toshiya mumbled against Uruha’s collarbone.


“Back, thighs, arms…” Toshiya listed and inhaled sharply when Uruha trailed his hand over the swollen skin.

“Sorry I was so rough…” Uruha kissed the top of Toshiya’s head. Toshiya shook his head weakly, shrugged and tightened his hold around Uruha. “I’ll go get some cream for those bruises and some tissues, ok? You take it easy, baby.” he hummed against Toshiya’s temple and gently broke their cuddle. Toshiya was resistant, but eventually complied and crawled up on the bed; sitting more on the centre but still slumped down.

Uruha didn’t really like how Toshiya had turned so quiet after their session. Usually both basked in the after-glow of it and they would laugh and tend to each other and fall asleep wrapped up in each other’s arms. Uruha frowned into the bathroom mirror, before he picked up some towels which he moistened and a soothing cream to apply on the red welts on Toshiya’s back. He found Toshiya sitting on the bed, looking like a lost puppy with his ruffled hair and gloomy look written all over his face.

“Hey, is everything alright?” Uruha sat down beside Toshiya and offered to clean him up. The bassist let him towel him clean from all the cum and lube that still stuck to his body. Then he cleaned himself and tossed the towels on the floor.

“I’m okay,” Toshiya reassured him and rolled over to lie on his stomach. “Just pretty deflated from before.” he gave Uruha a half-smile and Uruha chuckled softly. He sat down next to Toshiya and squeezed a generous helping of the cream on his palm, before he massaged it gently into Toshiya’s back, buttocks and the back of his thighs. Toshiya hissed and shied away from the touch when Uruha touched the rawest spots.

“I love you.” Uruha murmured and laid a kiss on the nape of Toshiya’s neck. Toshiya hummed softly and stroked Uruha’s face with the tips of his fingers, before he slumped further into the bedding.

“You need to get up for two seconds, babe, we need to get under the covers too…” Uruha smiled and Toshiya agreed with reluctance. His stance was wobbly and he collapsed into the nest of pillows and duvets and he pulled Uruha close to his chest when he got under the sheets with him.

“I’m so terribly sorry, love…” Toshiya whispered, as if he was afraid someone would interfere if they heard him speak.

“Shh…” Uruha kissed Toshiya on the shoulder and wrapped his arms tighter around him. “I know, I know.” he reassured him and caressed his messy hair with affection.

“I don’t want to lose you.”

“You won’t. We’ll work something out, right?” Uruha peppered Toshiya’s face with kisses and pressed their foreheads together.

“Okay.” Toshiya murmured and nodded with a slight frown on his brow.

“We’ll be good.”

“Promise?” Toshiya placed his head against Uruha’s chest.

“I promise,” Uruha breathed after a moment and rolled over on his back, pulling Toshiya up against his chest. “Let’s get some sleep now, ok?” he offered and Toshiya nodded. They huddled under the covers and after Uruha fell asleep with a soft snore, Toshiya reached over him to flick off the light and pressed his nose into Uruha’s cheek. Some stubble was forming there and it was itchy against his skin.

Toshiya felt oddly at ease, even though he knew there were unresolved issues between them. They would work this out; Uruha had promised and Toshiya knew he would do his best to help him out. It wouldn’t be easy, but they would work it out, one step at the time. He settled for the night and reminded himself he would thank Uruha in the morning and help him change the sheets, before he drew a clumsy, little heart on Uruha’s left clavicle.

The End.


A/N: As an end note, music that goes with the fic; in no particular order:
Röyksopp – The Drug
Massive Attack – Inertia Creeps
DJ KRUSH feat. Jazzanova – Coffee Talk
SAFIA – Listen to Soul, listen to Blues
Clazziquai – Speechless
Clazziquai – I will never cry
Björk – Cocoon
Beck – Loser
Imagine Dragons – Bleeding out
Gotye – Heart’s a mess
Florence + the machine – Over the love
Massive Attack – Right way to hold a spoon (Danny the Dog OST)

Vuoden crossover
Viestit: 270
Liittynyt: To Elo 14, 2008 5:43 pm
Paikkakunta: NU ÅBO

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