The Untitled [oneshot, darkfic, NC-17, Kai/Uruha]

Tänne voi postata muulla kuin suomen kielellä kirjoitetut ficit.

The Untitled [oneshot, darkfic, NC-17, Kai/Uruha]

ViestiKirjoittaja Nera » Ti Elo 09, 2011 3:21 pm

Title: The Untitled [oneshot]
Authors: Nera
Rating: NC-17
Beta: None
Pairings: Uruha/Kai (main), Aoi/Kai, Uruha/Toshiya
Genre: Dark, slice of paranormal, romance, drama
Warnings: Language, explicit sex, slight gore
Summary: Clouds and a gust of cold Northern wind sweeps over him. Kai also notices how one cloud is cropped, like it didn't fit the photo frame and he ends up staring at it.
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the story.
Comments: A prompt from the uruai community.

Extensive A/N at end of fic.


July is hot and moist, the glass with iced tea that Kai's having, is perspiring just like he is and he doesn't feel comfortable. Tokyo is hit by a ruthless heatwave, which doesn't seem to end just now. It pisses Kai off, because no matter how much he loves the heat, it makes him uncomfortable. He feels stuffy and isn't thrilled by the idea of having to move outside of buildings, because it means he would have to leave the air conditioned comfort he indeed is fond of. Kai hates feeling messy, when he himself hasn't done anything to become messy. The glass's surface is beading with condensed water and it feels slippery in his hand when he grabs it. He almost drops it when his phone goes off; Ruki is calling him.

“Kai, where you at? It's studio time in fifteen minutes.”

“Isn't it Sunday today?” Kai swears it is his only day off this week.

“Don't be silly, it's still Saturday the whole day today.” Ruki sounds almost a little irritated, mostly because he is tired, Kai assumes, but so are they all.

“I'm sorry, I'll be over as soon as possible.” Kai promises and leaves his drink unattended. Maybe the schedule is getting to his nerves and messes up the delicate order he had set up for himself. He admits he is tired and wishes it was Sunday, because he remembers they had studio yesterday, which in his mind was Saturday.

Maybe he's just tired, he thinks and scolds himself for being inattentive towards his duties. The taxi ride to the studio is uneventful, his driver asks him if it's okay if he takes off his hat, due to the heat. Kai doesn't really mind, so he shrugs indifferently. He tips his driver, despite the air-con was broken and he now felt stuffier than twenty-two minutes ago. When he steps out, he sees the silhouette of Uruha against the bricks, smoking and taking his time.

“I guess it wasn't that urgent?” He smiles at the guitarist who hums and nods.

“It's Ruki. I guess he wants to begin so he can finish,” Uruha unceremoniously stubs his cigarette against the wall and leaves it. “I could've sworn it was Sunday today, though.”

“Yeah, me too.” Kai admits and Uruha laughs softly.

- - -


Kai swears he can smell the rain in the air. He merely lacks the rain clouds in the sky to fulfil his prophecy. He's walking home from the convenience store just one block away and the sun is slowly setting, his plastic bags weigh his steps and crinkle against his legs. He's never been good at keeping them away from his strides, no matter how hard he tries. Kai smiles up to the sky and feels lucky that the heatwave has made him a little more resistant to the temperatures outside his cooled apartment.

A crow screeches above him and he follows it's flight through his sunglasses and notices a weird development in the supposedly clear sky. Clouds and a gust of cold Northern wind sweeps over him. Kai also notices how one cloud is cropped, like it didn't fit the photo frame and he ends up staring at it. He blinks once, twice and even takes of his sunglasses.

It's raining hard for the first time in ages.

- - -


The weather had been horrible for the following week. Everyone was sure it was the rain season that had gone bonkers. Rain like this wasn't expected until August. Thunderstorms have raved through the country; only letting up once or twice during the six days of pretty much constant downpour.

Making lists has made Kai's life easier, because he has so much to think about when they're at their busiest. He'd like to trust others to take over tasks, because trust is the fundamental part of any partnership, but sometimes he feels better knowing he has a list of things, preferably of the longer kind, to busy himself with. It's a way for him to feel like he's of use. Or so he likes to think.

Kai hums and gets up to have some coffee to revive his mind and body. There's still plenty to do and clear up. Kai smiles at the memory when he was really angry before a live and even scared Ruki. It was fairly long ago, but it still makes him smile, because not much makes Ruki intimidated nowadays. Uruha passes Kai in the hall and they grunt – supposedly it was a form of a greeting. Uruha had been moody since yesterday. Kai doesn't blame him, he'd be angry too if he was the guitarist and the delivery of his new guitar model was late.

Kai bites his lower lip and selects black coffee with no condiments like sugar or milk. He only uses milk with his tea anyway. He has been feeling oddly sleepy the last week, but he blames the lightning for the bags under his eyes and the unusually big amount of work must not be forgotten. So, maybe the coffee will help him stay awake a little longer and help him finish what he had started. Lightning flashes through the window and apparently it's a violent storm, because the fluorescent lights flicker. It makes Kai rush his steps only slightly to get back to his notes and papers. He tells himself it's because if he really gets into doing stuff, he might finish earlier than two at night, but actually it is because he is certain he saw something, or someone, in the hall that originally wasn't there.

- - -


It doesn't rain any more, but the skies are murky. Kai is both grumpy and slightly hung-over from yesterday. Uruha invited him out for beers, because Ruki can't handle his alcohol and Reita was too busy to entertain his best mate. The true story is that Reita wore so ugly clothes that Uruha refused to go out with him. It probably wasn't the first time it happened, neither would it be the last, Kai was sure of this. And Uruha doesn't like drinking with Aoi, because his behaviour is embarrassing, when under the influence. So Kai had ended up boozing around with Uruha, a game of football in the background and noisy cheers when the right team scored.

Kai sat by Uruha's kitchen table and listened to the shower running. It had been generous of the other to let him stay over, but Kai still felt he was a burden. He always felt like that but Uruha didn't really mind, which he had said many times. He had been looking around in Uruha's apartment, mostly at pictures and photographies of Uruha and his lover, Toshiya. Toshiya was what made Kai uncomfortable at times, because that bassist lived in this apartment and that bassist was in Kai's mind a little frightening. Harmless like a glass of milk, Uruha used to say. Kai would've love to add that you could still choke on it.
Toshiya was touring though, so Kai wouldn't have to meet him. Feeling guilty enough for sleeping in the couple's living room, Kai had tried make up for the inconvenience by making coffee, but even drinking something was hard enough. Not to mention eating. He still makes the coffee, but doesn't drink any himself.

Uruha exits the shower and water drips down his hair and nestles over his clavicles. Kai doesn't really pay attention to what happens, because he's in a daze, weighing the options of whether to throw up or not. When Uruha finally sits down, with coffee, Kai has gotten up and hugs the toilet in a matter of five seconds. The porcelain feels cool against his cheek and Uruha's big hand is oddly comforting on his shoulder.

“You okay?” Uruha's concern is met with dry-heaving and ragged breaths. Kai tries to shake his head without looking too pathetic. “I'll get you some water.” Kai moans and wishes he'd die quickly, because this slow death isn't comfortable at all.

- - -


“It feels like autumn, doesn't it?” The wind ruffles Ruki's hair and makes it impossible for him to even try to make smoke rings.

Kai nods. It does feel like autumn. He hasn't really paid attention to what's happening around him, because there's been so much to do lately. They're touring, partying, fucking – just about anything else than sitting still for a minute.

“I don't like autumn,” Ruki mutters and thinks of lighting a new cigarette, but chooses not to. “Autumn is depressing and the only thing good with it, is autumn fashion and that winter comes after it.” Both men snort and gaze out over the rooftops. They escaped to the roof of the studio and it just happened to be the only sunny day in a very long time not to mention that Tokyo looks good from up there.

Kai is about to say something when his vision goes black. He doesn't know if he's still leaning against a concrete wall or if he's lying face down on the roof. He doesn't even know if he's still on the roof. Kai doesn't hear, smell, taste, but it hurts. The pain is like a full-body cramp and he thinks he screams, but he hears no sound. It's over in seconds, but it feels like minutes have passed and he finds himself lying on the ground and Ruki's panicking.

“Kai? Holy shit, Kai, wake up, this ain't funny!” Ruki's kneeling beside him and shakes Kai's shoulders lightly. “Kai, don't die on me now, I'll kill you if you do!”

“... I won't, don't worry.” Kai whispers, his whole body numb from the seizure and he passes out only seconds later.

“Motherfucker... Kai!”

- - -


Kai's on medication against migraines, because the blackout wasn't the first, neither was it the last. The doctors only know to treat the seizures as acute migraines and Kai hates his medicines, because they increase his paranoia, even though they take the pain away and stop him from passing out completely. They tell him to stop stressing and to take it easy, but Kai knows it easier said than done.

- - -


Aoi drags Kai to his place that night, they make out and somehow end up naked in Aoi's bed. Kai's back arches up to Aoi's every touch, his senses are heightened and he feels delirious when Aoi sucks him off. Kai knows Aoi doesn't love him like a lover, but it's fine, because Kai doesn't love Aoi either. They're only doing each other a favour. The two don't waste a lot of time on foreplay or preparations, Kai unceremoniously rolls on a condom and lubes himself up, before Aoi rides his cock. Kai admits Aoi is good in bed and if he liked him, he'd keep him as a lover, but he doesn't really desire the guitarist's heart, so he sets with having his body and watch the slim hips undulate and hear the moans that pass by the full lips.

They end up doing it twice the same night, because both have been deprived of physical contact and the second time it's Kai that gets fucked thoroughly. Aoi has him bend over and takes Kai from behind and Kai wails when Aoi first licks and fingers his ass with expert moves before he shoves his dick into him. Aoi's hands hold Kai's hips in a steady grip as his thrusts into the tight heat and it doesn't take long before Kai in vain tries to muffle his moans with Aoi's pillows when he cums.

Kai lets Aoi hold him when they sleep and even though it's a little awkward, it feels nice. At least he wasn't kicked out of the guitarist's apartment after they finished. Kai sleeps like a log for the first time in ages and when he wakes up he's offered coffee, without condiments, as he prefers it.

“Last night was fun.” Aoi comments offhandedly. Kai smiles against the rim of his cup before taking a sip. It's scalding hot and he puts down his cup to cool the coffee a second before he tries again.

“I still don't get how it happened, but I don't regret it.” Kai admits and Aoi laughs softly. It had been fun and relaxing, but Kai wasn't looking for a relationship just now. Just fucking was really great.

They leave for practice with Aoi's car and give each other a final kiss, before they come back to reality. After that night, they don't meet for sex any more, because Aoi finds himself a partner only a week after the encounter with Kai.

- - -


When Kai comes home that afternoon he's really fucking tired. He feels a headache approaching and decides it's best if he goes to bed early and sleeps a long night. Tonight he decides it's okay to not give a shit about paperwork or if his apartment is in need of cleaning. Instead he showers, brushes his teeth and watches TV with a glass of scotch. It doesn't take long before he dozes off enough to understand he should drag himself to bed.

Kai sleeps and forgets what he dreamt of, if he did it at all. But he knows he must've been tired, because it feels like he slept for maybe two minutes and not ten hours. After he wakes up, he goes through his morning routine like he does everyday before work, but when he looks at his phone his heart stops for two seconds. 55 missed calls, 40 messages and 21 voice mails. It isn't even funny. He almost gets a heart-attack when it goes off and he hurries to answer.

“Kai where the hell are you man? I thought you were dead!”

“... I went to bed and slept a long night?” Kai rubs the bridge of his nose and grimaces at his reflection in the foyer mirror. He hasn't realized his stubble is longer than the Nile at the moment and he desperately needs to shave it off.

“Don't shit me Kai, where have you been these past three days?” Uruha is frustrated and Kai can hear Toshiya's voice in the background saying pacifying things, but Uruha doesn't really listen. “Seriously, next time you decide to disappear, leave a fucking note or something.” The man on the other line does sound genuinely upset about what happened and it makes Kai feel both guilty and even more confused.

“Uruha, I swear I didn't go anywhere. I just woke up. It's Tuesday right?” Kai scratches the back of his head and sits down on his sofa.

“It's Thursday, Kai.” Uruha sighs on the other end.

“You're kidding right?” Kai really doesn't want to believe what his friend is telling him. But then again if it's a practical joke it feels way too elaborate.

“If you don't believe me, then check the date on the newspaper or something.”
And Kai agrees it's the only way he can calm himself and Uruha. His heart beats like mad when he encounters the small mound of letter – mostly bills – and there's not one, but three newspapers.

“Fucking hell...” Kai gasps and indeed, it's Thursday the 15th, not Tuesday, like he assumed. Now he's just fucking scared of what's happening to him.

- - -


Winter comes too quick and it's freezing cold outside. Christmas isn't far away, maybe a week or so, the days are a blur to him, so he can't tell. Kai hasn't slept in a week, because the seizures are back and they come back with reinforcement. Like being blind and deaf wasn't enough, now he sees figures. Mostly black shadows in the outer line of his vision. Kai's scared for his life and that he's finally losing it. He wishes he doesn't because nothing would be worse than be labelled a nut job.

The medicine helps a little, but it's not as effective any more.

So he goes out walking. The shadows don't seem so spiteful when he's out. His heart beats against his ribcage and his palms sweat inside his mittens. It is dark outside and people have chosen to be inside or walk in pairs to fend off the darkness. He walks briskly and his breath comes out in white puffs and frost sets on his eyelashes and eyebrows. He walks and walks and walks and walks and he walks, just to...

“Kai, what are you doing here?” Uruha looks tired, but Kai doesn't blame him.

“I don't know,” He rasps. He's ready to collapse in the staircase, but he knows Uruha wouldn't like that. “Is it okay to come in for a second? It's so cold.” Kai pleads. He doesn't want to be alone, because he's so afraid of what's happening. “Please?”

“Um, it's past three in the night. Shouldn't you be home asleep?”

“Uruha, please. I can't be alone right now. Can't I come inside for just a minute?” Kai's voice wavers and he steps closer to Uruha. He hears Toshiya shouting from their bedroom to “turn the bum away already”.

“Okay, come inside,” Uruha pushes a hand through his brown hair and sighs. He's tired and just wants to sleep right now, but he has a band mate to take care of. “Has something happened? You look awful.”

“I'm so scared.” Kai mutters, ashamed to have to run out of his house because he can't take the loneliness and the shadow that is licking at the underside of Uruha and Toshiya's door. It wants him and it wants inside. Kai moves away from the door and avoids looking into the mirror in the foyer. He doesn't want to see that mangled face smile at him like it did at home.

- - -


The band celebrated new year together and Kai feels that his haunted mind is a little clearer, for he isn't as stressed as he used to be. Now he has been able to sleep and the mirrors at home only show his face and not something out of this world. They spend a much needed vacation on Hawaii, they partied and did stupid shit, like climb palms and got rug burns when they came down they wrong way.

But things don't go so smoothly for one of them. Uruha and Toshiya break up after three years together. Everyone thought they'd be the love story of the century, but they weren't. Things started to go wrong and though they loved each other, it didn't hold them together.

Kai hasn't seen Uruha look so sad in years, if ever. Uruha is usually the one that shies away from emotion, but now he's heartbroken and depressed and he shows it openly. Kai even thinks Uruha has cried not so many minutes ago. Reita offers to take care of Uruha for a couple of days, so he gets things sorted out and everyone agrees it might be for the best.

Kai has this gnawing feeling in the back of his head that it's his fault. During the last month he was a regular at Uruha's place, much because Uruha lived the closest to him and at some point the guitarist accepted and let Kai stay without asking why. This made Kai believe that Toshiya got fed up with the whole circus, and thus, when the day ends, he contacts Toshiya about it, because his conscience doesn't let him rest. He stands behind that familiar, MDF-surfaced door and hopes Toshiya would open it.
To Kai's surprise Toshiya does just that.

“Uruha isn't here.” Toshiya mumbles listlessly, his breath smells a little like booze and lots of tobacco.

“I know, but it's not him I'm looking for,” Kai frets with the hem of his coat. “I'd like to apologize if my presence made your relationship-”

“Kai. Let me tell you one thing. The world doesn't revolve around you all the fucking time. Uruha and I went bad a long time ago.” Toshiya laughs and glares at Kai, who feels himself shrink in the presence of the bassist. “Now get the fuck away, I want to mourn my broken heart in peace. You're not the only one with problems, so get over yourself.”

“I'm sorry.” Kai ends up speaking to a closed door. It makes him feel even shittier inside, because now he definitely broke every good bond he had with Toshiya. He congratulates himself for being an total idiot and walks home via the convenience store to get himself some dinner.

- - -


Uruha and Kai enjoy their time together more than they did a month ago. Uruha is still on his toes about his breakup and they don't talk much about it. Kai thinks it's okay, because he isn't good with stuff like that anyway. Uruha stayed with Reita until he found himself a new apartment, which was a nice two bedrooms one bath solution not too far away from their studio. Uruha says he hates the walls in it, but when the land lord agrees to let Uruha have them painted, it's really no big deal. The guitarist's life kind of starts over with the new couch, DVD-towers and coffee-mugs. Keeping his mind busy with the move, has kept Uruha together and Kai is happy for him. Uruha even gets himself some plants, which Kai knows won't live very long, sadly.

Uruha just isn't a plant-person.

- - -


A month passes easily. Kai has too much to do and he feels forgetful. Nothing that's not new to him, but today he lost his wallet. He thinks he left it in the supermarket down town, but the chances to get it back are slim. To ease his life, he cancels all his cards and makes an appointment to get his drivers license renewed as well as his ID. He feels silly to have lost something so important. Thank goodness it wasn't his keys or phone. Kai is sure the next thing he loses or leaves behind is his head. He'll leave it on the train or in the cinema. Those are places he would've left it already, if his head wasn't glued to his shoulders.

Kai snorts and stacks the new pair of pants into his drawer and the new shirt... He thought he'd wear it today, because he got asked out for dinner. It was indeed a lovely offer and he wanted to make a good impression. They met randomly in the shopping centre and Kai agrees there was a little spark of something and he's dying to find out what it was.

The date goes.. All but smoothly. Kai's date is forty-five minutes late and ends up being both conceited and biased over his preferences. He is also very cock-hungry, which is a total turn-off for Kai. At least his date has the courtesy to pay for the fun, but when Kai declines the offer of “a drink at my place”, he merely gets a poisonous look and mean words thrown at him. So what if he was stingy? He wasn't easy and he was proud of it.

Kai ends up locking himself outside his own apartment and when nothing else helps, he crawls to Uruha with his tail between his legs, because he knows Uruha might have had something else to do than to entertain his dimwitted band mate. It turns out Uruha doesn't do anything but drink and play violent music and Kai's just fine with that, because even if Uruha's singing is terrible, as is his cussing in what he thinks is English, Kai sleeps tight and forgets that someone thought he was a cheap hooker. Uruha at least compliments his new shirt, unlike the other one.

Kai ends up cooking breakfast for the both of them, because he hates the tomato juice which Uruha claims he loves. Instead it's left overs from yesterdays dinner with some scrambled eggs on the side. Kai feels he owes Uruha at least that much and Uruha is grateful for it, when he lurches into the kitchen, awfully hung-over and hungry.

- - -


Kai thinks he's getting better, because his mind has been at ease for so long and he hasn't had weird hallucinations in a while. He's writing set lists for the next concert and in his eagerness he manages to drop the pencil we was using. It hits the table and rolls over the edge, onto the floor. Kai tries some flailing to save it in the air, but it doesn't help much. The pencil is on the floor, somewhere under the table, so he bends down and looks for it.

Kai ends up looking for it for a good five minutes, before he huffs and gives up, finding it. He sits up straight again and is about to ask Ruki to lend him a pen, but instead Ruki ends up asking if Kai's okay, when the said drummer is hyperventilating in his chair.

That damn pencil sits and stares at him. From the table, where it had dropped from, mere minutes ago.

- - -


Eighteen days pass and Kai slowly becomes more restless. He's waiting and waiting, but he's not sure of what it is that he's waiting. The incident, like he likes to call it, with the pencil makes him uneasy, but as he hasn't had any seizures in a very long time. He's still waiting to see something in his mirror, other than his own face. He's anticipating shadows, voices and weird lights. Anything. He's so concentrated on waiting for something to happen, he has forgotten what sleep and food is. Kai is close to collapsing from the strain, but is too stubborn to let anything affect his waiting. He needs to be on guard, so he knows what he's fighting against, even if he has no clue. Kai's guess is demons, but he doesn't believe in them the slightest.

In the middle of his mental struggle, he crashes into Uruha and ends up scattering both his brain and the papers he was carrying. He ends up sitting on the floor too, because he's too tired to keep standing.

“Ouch, watch it, clumsy,” Uruha rubs his side, but bends down to help Kai pick up his stuff. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I'm..” Kai blacks out for a second and rubs his eyes to regain his sight. “I'm okay. Just a little bit tired I guess. Sorry for that.” He hurries to get his stuff together, but he feels dizzier than before when he stands up and is about to fall over again. Uruha grabs him by the arm and helps him to lean against a wall.

“You'll need glasses with a bra to keep those eye bags under control.” Uruha says half-jokingly and Kai scoffs.

“It's not that bad now...” Kai mutters, but Uruha keeps looking at him like he means what he says. “It can't be. Right?”

“I'm afraid those look like D-cups or something,” Uruha scratches his chin. “I wouldn't know. But you look like sleep is your worst enemy.”

Kai attempts to smack Uruha, but he hasn't much will nor strength to make it very powerful. Uruha chuckles and pokes Kai on the forehead. “I'll take you home, how about that?”

“Okay.” Kai grumbles and let's Uruha lead him out to his car.

“Seriously, we don't do much with a drummer with a total burn-out,” Uruha continues scolding Kai, who lowers his head and doesn't really listen, but pretends he does. Uruha's words have a stinging side-effect on Kai. “You'll run yourself down and nothing good comes with that.” Uruha stops at the red lights and turns to Kai. He nudges him slightly in the arm and Kai jerks.

“What?” He moans and rubs his arm.

“You fell asleep, silly.” Uruha's loop-sided grin irritates Kai and he blushes slightly. Kai purses his lips and leans against the cool window, because he doesn't want to see Uruha's face that so brightly shines “I told you, you are tired”.

They travel in silence and Kai nods off again, only to wake up when Uruha pulls over at his place and shakes his shoulder slightly.

“Wake up, sleeping beauty, you've arrived. That'll be 5000 yen, please.”

“Shut up. I'll make you coffee or something, or then I'll just see you tomorrow.” Kai yawns and opens up his seatbelt to get out of the car. He hears Uruha do the same, so he opts to make at least decent coffee, because good coffee sounds like advanced physics.

Only when he opens his door he remembers his household isn't in the best state to entertain friends and this fact makes him regret asking Uruha to join him for a cup. Uruha doesn't comment, Kai guesses it's out of courtesy; he only hums and takes a seat by the small kitchen table. They don't talk much, mostly because Kai clearly is about to fall over and pass out. Uruha is okay with it all. Except for the falling over part.

“Sorry for being grumpy today, I'm just tired and... stuff.” Kai rubs the back of his neck.

“It's okay, we all get tired. We're only human after all. You on the other hand, should take better care of yourself.” Uruha scolds gently and toys with the rim of the coffee cup.

“Yeah, I know. It's just... Stress I guess.” Kai takes a sip. Instant coffee taste like shit, he decides.

“Asking for help is okay and you know that. Don't push yourself too much.” Uruha chides and smiles at Kai, who produces a very unflattering shade of pink on his cheeks. Kai merely nods. He's embarrassed that his friends must constantly remind him that he doesn't have to be superman all the time.

Thankfully, Uruha is good at reading the atmosphere and doesn't pressure Kai into talking. Kai mostly tries to stay awake, but it's ridiculously difficult now when he's given permission to be tired and it isn't even six in the evening. Uruha is kind enough to clear the table and empty their cups of bad coffee into the sink. He adds to Kai's embarrassment by doing the dishes, even if Kai protests with all his might. Uruha just shrugs him off and says it's nothing.

“I'm going to go back to the studio now, I'll see you tomorrow, okay?” Uruha finishes playing house-wife for Kai and instead busies himself with getting his coat and shoes back on. Kai summons so much energy that he can see his guest out before he goes and collapses into his bed.

“Hey, thanks for the ride and stuff. You didn't have to-”

“I know.” Uruha interrupts him and smiles into his scarf. And for a moment they just stand there and look at each other. It's awkward as fuck and Kai wants to say something, but he merely parts his lips a little, before closing them again. He notices Uruha doing the very same, but he feels like an idiot and he smiles to cover up for his own insecurities. Kai's maybe imagining things, but it feels real when Uruha leans in, closer to him and it must be a fucking delicious dream when they kiss so very, very awkwardly and it's briefer than microsecond. Their noses touch and their eyes meet and both wear that ugly blush that doesn't suit them the slightest. Kai doesn't care, he tries to count how many times Uruha blinks before they both close their eyes and tilt their heads to kiss again. Kai's fingers don't curl around the hem of his own shirt, but Uruha's forearm and he hopes to God he isn't dreaming because he wants Uruha to kiss him more and feel those big hands on his hip and shoulder.

“I should leave now.” Uruha mumbles against Kai's lips, slightly breathless maybe and Kai feels so shy and exposed. He swallows and nods because he doesn't trust his voice to carry.

Uruha bids him goodnight at little past six and when Kai finally manages to get into bed he doesn't feel tired at all. Just very confused.

- - -


It's gone about 20 hours since their kiss and Kai thinks he's having a heart-attack. The truth is that his heart flutters violently when he sees Uruha and that shy smile of his.
Kai celebrates this new emotion by going out for a beer with him. After three pints, Uruha tastes like cigarettes and Beefeater gin on Kai's tongue when they kiss. It feels like the best heart-attack ever.

- - -


They are together. Kai is happy. Ridiculously happy even. Kai and Uruha, not just Kai and Uruha. Kai loves the small things they do, like, how their finger entwine and that small touch on the small of his back or how Uruha kisses him good morning when they stay at each others places. He snorts at how corny his train of thought is, but the bottom line is that he's happy. Ruki is scared, because he hasn't seen the moody and grumpy Kai in a while. Especially that radiant smile of Kai's has an eerie vibe to it, if you asked the vocalist.

Kai is so happy he forgets a key piece of information.

- - -


Summer's coming and the weather is beautiful. Kai can't bring himself to sit inside, but they have studio time and a new single to record. Kai dislikes the part that includes waiting. He wishes he wouldn't have to do that. They're recording Reita's part of the song, so Kai should be in next. He does some warm ups and winds his towel around his head and it makes Aoi snort with laughter.

“I still don't understand the function of that towel, Kai... there are sweatbands.” Aoi chuckles, but Kai just cocks an eyebrow and shrugs.

“I don't understand you either.” Kai bites back playfully and both men grin. Reita comes out of the recording box, as he calls it, a couple of minutes later and Kai gets to lock himself into the soundproof room with his drum set with big headphones over his head. Uruha waves at him from the other side of the glass and Kai nods back at him. They've decided to go to Kai's today, because the last three times they have been slouching around at Uruha's and Kai claimed he soon forgets where he lives. Uruha had squeezed him around his middle and called him silly, but agreed to the proposition.

He records his part in the matter of an hour, because he wants to be sure it's perfect. Nothing other than perfect is good enough for this new single. The muscles in his arms and legs feel weary and he's sweaty. When he passes Uruha, the guitarist raises a hand and scratches the air like a cat and meows silently. Kai snorts and goes to get his change of clothes.

The change of clothes end up in a pile on his bedroom floor when they come to his place. Uruha's outfit soon accompanies Kai's because where the two of them are heading there's no use for clothing. The sex they have is sweet and all-inclusive. Kai likes to take care of Uruha in every way possible, he loves to pamper him; to worship every inch of his body when he lies sprawled over Kai's futon and is so willing.

Kai likes how Uruha's back arches when touched in the right places and how his toes curl against the mattress when they kiss after both have climaxed. Kai smiles and doesn't want to move away from the tight embrace, because it feels so good to just lay there on Uruha's chest and nuzzle his neck.

“I liked that very much.” Uruha smiles and toys with Kai's hair. Kai smiles against Uruha's skin and pecks it with affection. He gets up so much he can sweep the few stray hairs out of Uruha's face and wonders from where the small piece of ash came from.

- - -


Kai's condition deteriorates and nothing seems to help any more. The rain of ashes is steadily becoming heavier, but it confuses Kai that no one else notices even when he tells others about it. He only gets wondering glances back and then shrugs of disinterest. Kai gets panicky and more neurotic, but refuses to let it show and refuses to talk to Uruha. It results in fights he wishes they would never have had to had. Lucky for him Uruha is a much calmer personality than him and agrees to not pry further, until Kai is okay to tell what's bothering him.
But Kai knows Uruha is still keeping an eye on him.

Uruha wakes up one morning beside Kai and finds him struggling to breathe. Uruha panics, because Kai doesn't have asthma nor does he have any allergies that could end in fatal reactions, but Kai is clutching at his throat like something is stuck in there.

Kai struggles for his life to prove that someone or something is pressing him down into the fucking mattress and that their room – their whole house is on fire, but Uruha doesn't seem to get it. Ashes taint the face that Kai loves and it burns, burns his eyebrows, hair and lashes until there's only charcoal left. Uruha is in pain and here he can do nothing to help because he's being choked and he can't fend off the hands that try to take his life. Uruha somehow manages to pry away the hands that want to kill Kai and Kai is pained by the horrified and charring face of his lover. He sits up and tries to tell Uruha to get the fuck out and leave him because there's no use to stay here and be burnt down with this house and that there's no saving him any more, but Uruha doesn't seem to get it. He reaches for Kai's face and holds it tight between his sooty fingers and Kai's in tears, because he didn't tell Uruha the house is burning – that the whole city is burning and they're dying because he didn't do anything because he was and is so fucking scared.

“Kai wake up!”

- - -

A/N: First and foremost, I'll have to say thanks for this unusual promt. I'm confused and humbled by it, for it has taken me to new grounds and I'm not sure if I've done good. I like to think that this fic is decent and that I maybe didn't violate this genre too much.

I realize I've could've taken this so much further, but I must confess: I'm scared shitless of anything paranormal and supernatural, because of my vivid imagination. It's the main reason I don't watch horror flicks for example. :'D So yes, I've scared myself with my own writing at some points, mainly because I write at night, many times after midnight and night time and dark fics don't make a pretty combo.

I did enjoy researching in the subject of reality glitches, which were my main source of inspiration, next to Uruha and Kai goodness. Three of these encounters are heavily based on stories I found online.

Despite lost hours of sleep, I wish you've enjoyed the read. I've left the ending open on purpose.

As random trivia: I chopped wood when I got hit by blocks! It actually works.

    3 tykkää.
Vuoden crossover
Viestit: 270
Liittynyt: To Elo 14, 2008 5:43 pm
Paikkakunta: NU ÅBO

Re: The Untitled [oneshot, darkfic, NC-17, Kai/Uruha]

ViestiKirjoittaja Avalyn » Ma Heinä 30, 2012 11:50 pm

Huh, olipas tämä melkoista luettavaa! Hämmentävää mutta vaikuttavaa.

Täytyy ihan ensiksi tunnustaa, että vietin koko ficin yrittäen ymmärtää, mistä tässä kaikessa on oikein kyse. Mikä Kailla on? Onko hän mielisairas vai tapahtuuko hänen ympärillään oikeasti jotain yliluonnollista vai onko kaikki vain unta vai mitä ihmettä? Muutamaan otteeseen luulin jo vähän niin kuin tajunneeni tämän ficin idean, mutta loppuun päästyäni jouduin toteamaan, että olen vähintään yhtä pihalla kuin alussa. Jäin tuijottamaan viimeistä riviä ("Kai wake up!") epäuskoisena ja yritin etsiä jatkoa, mutta eihän sitä löytynyt mistään. En muista pitkiin aikoihin lukeneeni ficciä, jossa loppu olisi tullut yhtä yllättäen kuin tässä ficissä.

Kaikki edelle sanottu ei kuitenkaan tarkoita sitä, etten olisi pitänyt tästä ficistä. Kyllä, tämä ficci pani pienen pääni ihan sekaisin, ja kyllä, tämä oli yksi niitä ficcejä, jotka saavat minut tuntemaan itseni aivan liian tyhmäksi lukijaksi, kun en vain saa kiinni tarinan sisimmästä olemuksesta. Siitä huolimatta tämä ficci oli ehdottomasti lukemisen arvoinen. Minusta on ihanaa lukea silloin tällöin ficcejä, jotka saavat mieleni käymään ylikierroksilla ja joiden edessä tunnen itseni ihan aloittelevaksi lukijaksi, jolle kaikki pitäisi selittää rautalangasta vääntämällä. On hienoa, että maailmassa on tekstejä, jotka eivät aukea kaikille ensimmäisellä, toiselle eivätkä välttämättä edes kolmannella lukukerralla. Maailma olisi kovin tylsä paikka muuten.

Tämä ficci herätti mielenkiintoni paitsi poikkeuksellisella nimellään (tai ehkä nimettömyydellään?) myös genrellään. Tykkään synkistä ficeistä, samoin yliluonnollisuudesta. Myös summary oli kiinnostava, vaikka se ei oikeastaan paljastanutkaan tekstin sisällöstä mitään olennaista. Toisaalta en kyllä tiedä, miten tämän ficin olisi oikein voinutkaan lyhyesti summata, sen verran erikoinen teksti on kyseessä. Joka tapauksessa genrejen herättämät odotukset täyttyivät lukiessa, sen verran tummasävyisiä ja hämmentäviä tapahtumat olivat. Mitä nimeen tulee, en oikein ymmärrä, mistä se tulee, mutta no, en ymmärtänyt niin monia muitakaan asioita tässä ficissä, että olen valmis antamaan asian olla. :D

Uruha/Kai ei parituksena herätä minussa tunteita oikein suuntaan eikä toiseen, mutta tässä ficissä se kyllä kieltämättä omalla tavallaan toimi. Kai oli myös yllättävän kiinnostava ja sympaattinen päähenkilö, erityisesti ottaen huomioon sen, ettei hän juuri kiinnosta minua tosielämässä. Teitkin mielestäni hyvää työtä varsinkin Kain henkilöhahmon kanssa, vaikka myös muut hahmot olivat uskottavia ja persoonallisia. Toit onnistuneesti esiin Kain bändinjohtajana kokeman stressin ja rasittuneisuuden, hänen järjestyksen ja tarpeellisuuden kaipuunsa, velvollisuudentuntonsa ja pelkonsa, joista hän ei osaa puhua bänditovereilleen. Minun kävi moneen otteeseen Kaita sääliksi, ja toivoin, että joku olisi paremmin nähnyt hänen hätänsä tai että hän olisi osannut pyytää apua. Mutta niin ei valitettavasti käynyt. Tai no, lopetus jätti kyllä pienen mahdollisuuden siihen, että Uruha tajuaa Kain ongelmat ja hankkii tälle apua, mutta kovin iso osa minusta ei jaksa uskoa siihen.

En ole vieläkään varma, oliko Kailla vain mielenterveysongelmia ja tämä kuvitteli kaiken yliluonnollisen, vai tapahtuiko Kain ympärillä oikeasti jotain sellaista, mitä ei voi järjellä selittää. Taidan kuitenkin syystä tai toisesta kallistua vähän enemmän mielenterveysongelmien suuntaan, ehkä siksi, ettei yliluonnollisille tapahtumille esitetty mitään selvää syytä (esimerkiksi että Kaita olisi vainonnut aave tms.). Ja koska haluan aina kaikelle selityksen, ei minulla tunnu oikein olevan muuta vaihtoehtoa kuin päätyä siihen, että Kai kuvitteli kaiken. Vaikka en tosiaan ole varma. Jos sanot kommenttivastauksessasi, että Kai oli ihan mieleltään terve ja että kaikki se yliluonnollinen oli todellista eikä vain kuvitelmaa, olen ihan valmis uskomaan sinua. :D Niin tai näin, Kain kokemukset olivat kaikessa hämmentävyydessään (ja myös pienessä karmivuudessaan) erittäin kiinnostavaa luettavaa.

Pidän tästä ficistä myös ihan kirjoitustyylillisesti. Englantisi on kaunista ja mukavan soljuvaa. Käytät mielestäni sekä rakenteellisesti että sanavalinnallisesti hieman haastavampaa kieltä kuin mitä keskimäärin englanninkielisistä ficeistä löytää, mutta se ei ole mikään miinus. Pikemminkin oli miellyttävää lukea välillä ficciä, jossa on vähän muutakin kuin tavanomaisimpia sanoja ja yksinkertaisia virkkeitä. Hieman monimutkaisempi kieli vaatii toki vähän enemmän keskittymistä, mutta koska tämän ficin tapahtumatkaan eivät ole ihan sieltä yksiselitteisimmästä päästä, tuntuu loogiselta, että kielikin kehottaa keskittymään tarinaan.

Ficin rakenne on mielestäni sekin oikein onnistunut. Numeroituihin tekstipätkiin jako luo katkelmallisen vaikutelman, mikä sopii mielestäni hyvin unohtelua ja ajantajun katoamista sisältävään tarinaan. Oli myös hyvä ratkaisu kertoa Kain elämästä vain palanen sieltä ja palanen täältä, sillä jos olisit pyrkinyt kertomaan kaiken, lopputulos ei olisi ollut läheskään näin mysteerinen ja kiintoisa.

Tässä yhteydessä on muuten pakko kysyä, onko noilla numeroilla jokin erityinen tarkoitus? Ihan aluksi luulin, että ne ovat kuukauden päiviä, mutta sitten kun mentiin yli kolmenkymmenen, tajusin, ettei niin voi olla. Et siis haluaisi valaista noiden numeroiden merkitystä? (Pidän joka tapauksessa siitä, että aloitat ykkösen sijaan seiskasta, hypit joidenkin numeroiden yli ja lopetat sattumanvaraisen tuntuisesti numeroon 337.)

Ihailen sitä, kuinka hyvin olet saanut yhdistettyä arjen ja yliluonnollisuuden tässä ficissä. Yliluonnollisia tapahtumia lukuun ottamatta Kain päivät nimittäin vaikuttavat hyvin realistisilta. Tässä ficissä ei ole kovinkaan dramaattisia käänteitä (niitä yliluonnollisia asioita lukuun ottamatta), vaan enimmäkseen Kain elämä on varsin tavallista, jopa rutiininomaista, arkea. Bändityö ja siihen liittyvä stressi ovat jatkuvasti läsnä, ja sekä ilon että harmin aiheet ovat keskimäärin pieniä, niin kuin ne oikeassa elämässä useimmiten ovat. Ilman yliluonnollista aspektia tämä ficci saattaisi jopa olla vähän tylsä, mutta onneksi Kain omituiset kokemukset pitävät huolen siitä, ettei arki pääse liian hallitsevaan rooliin ja että lukijan mielenkiinto säilyy läpi koko ficin. Toisaalta jos tässä ficissä ei olisi juuri realismia vaan koko ajan liikuttaisiin yliluonnollisella maaperällä, tämä ei olisi läheskään niin vaikuttava ja erikoinen lukukokemus kuin nyt. On siis hyvä, että päätit etsiä sopivan sekoitussuhteen arjen ja yliluonnollisuuden välille etkä tyytynyt laittamaan tähän ficciin vain toista niistä.

Lopuksi haluaisin vielä kommentoida hieman tämän ficin tunnelmaa. Kuten genretkin lupasivat, se on varsin tumma. Jonkinlainen vaikeasti määriteltävä ahdistus tuntuu olevan jatkuvasti läsnä, eikä se mielestäni kumpua pelkästään yliluonnollisista tapahtumista. Kain arki on jotenkin kovin pientä ja tukahduttavaa. Joka ikisen tämän ficin tapahtuman, niin pienen kuin suuren, yllä tuntuu myös leijuvan jonkinlainen vääjäämättömyyden ja toivottomuuden pilvi. Tätä ficciä lukiessa tuli sellainen olo, ettei kukaan ficin henkilöistä selviä elämästään voittajana. Vaikka onnettomia tapahtumia katkovatkin ilon ja nautinnon hetket (gazettelaisten ystävyys, Aoi ja Kain seksi, Kain ja Uruhan suhde), nekin tuntuvat häviävän lyhyiltä ja merkityksettömiltä, kuin pieniltä auringonpilkahduksilta ennen myrskyä, joka tulee pyyhkimään kaiken pois. Lyhyesti sanottuna tämän ficin tunnelma on siis melkoisen synkkä, sellaisella hieman vaikeasti määriteltävällä ja merkillisellä mutta yhtä kaikki hienolla ja koskettavalla tavalla.

Eli kyllä, vaikka en ymmärtänyt tästä ficistä ihan kaikkea, pidin silti kovasti lukemastani. Onneksi uskalsit tarttua erikoiseen haasteeseen. ^^
Jossain ollessaan on jostain poissa.

Vuoden trouble
Viestit: 589
Liittynyt: Ma Helmi 16, 2009 10:13 pm

Re: The Untitled [oneshot, darkfic, NC-17, Kai/Uruha]

ViestiKirjoittaja Nera » La Kesä 08, 2013 11:30 pm

Terse, ja anteeksi, että kommenttivastaus on jäänyt tulematta vaikka kuinka pitkän aikaa. Se ei tarkoita ettenkö arvostaisi kommenttiasi, vaan siitä että olen laiska, tyhmä ja harvinaisen saamaton. Öh. Niin. No, siirtykäämme itse kommenttiin. :)

Muutamaan otteeseen luulin jo vähän niin kuin tajunneeni tämän ficin idean, mutta loppuun päästyäni jouduin toteamaan, että olen vähintään yhtä pihalla kuin alussa.

No, nyt pitää myöntää etten itse enää muista oliko tässä minkälaista ajatusta, koska nyt on kulunut aika reippaasti aikaa sen jälkeen kun olen tämän kirjoittanut. Yritän kuitenkin kovasti muistella mitä ajoin takaa silloin... Mutta! Minua kuitenkin ilahduttaa se, ettei ficci ole sinusta itsestään selvä ja että se vaikuttaa isolta kysymysmerkiltä. Jee! Koska siihen muistaakseni myös pyrin.

Uruha/Kai ei parituksena herätä minussa tunteita oikein suuntaan eikä toiseen, mutta tässä ficissä se kyllä kieltämättä omalla tavallaan toimi. Kai oli myös yllättävän kiinnostava ja sympaattinen päähenkilö, erityisesti ottaen huomioon sen, ettei hän juuri kiinnosta minua tosielämässä. Teitkin mielestäni hyvää työtä varsinkin Kain henkilöhahmon kanssa, vaikka myös muut hahmot olivat uskottavia ja persoonallisia.

Kiitos, minua ilahduttaa aina kuulla että olen tehnyt hyvän työn hahmojen kanssa, myös niiden jotka eivät olleet ihan yhtä isossa roolissa kuten Urska ja Kaippi. :) Mukavaa että he vaikuttivat aidoilta ja autenttisilta.

En ole vieläkään varma, oliko Kailla vain mielenterveysongelmia ja tämä kuvitteli kaiken yliluonnollisen, vai tapahtuiko Kain ympärillä oikeasti jotain sellaista, mitä ei voi järjellä selittää. Taidan kuitenkin syystä tai toisesta kallistua vähän enemmän mielenterveysongelmien suuntaan, ehkä siksi, ettei yliluonnollisille tapahtumille esitetty mitään selvää syytä (esimerkiksi että Kaita olisi vainonnut aave tms.).

No, Kai saattaa hyvinkin olla vähän päästään vialla, mutta maailmassa tapahtuu myös paljon selittämättömiä asioita... ;P

Kiitos myös kehuista kielellisen ilmaisun puolella. Se ilahduttaa minua myös kovasti! Pyrin jatkossakin ylläpitämään niin korkealaatuista kieltä kuin vain on mahdollista. ^^

Tässä yhteydessä on muuten pakko kysyä, onko noilla numeroilla jokin erityinen tarkoitus? Ihan aluksi luulin, että ne ovat kuukauden päiviä, mutta sitten kun mentiin yli kolmenkymmenen, tajusin, ettei niin voi olla. Et siis haluaisi valaista noiden numeroiden merkitystä? (Pidän joka tapauksessa siitä, että aloitat ykkösen sijaan seiskasta, hypit joidenkin numeroiden yli ja lopetat sattumanvaraisen tuntuisesti numeroon 337.)

Ihanaa kun kysyit! Numerot ovat vuodenpäiviä, jotka päiväkirjamaisesti pitävät kirjaa siitä, miten Kai vähän kerrallaan menee sekaisin, sekä merkkaamaan tapahtumia joilla on ollut merkitystä Kain elämässä. Ei mitään sen kummallisempaa. :>

Mutta jee!
Kiva kun tykkäsit siitä mitä luit, vaikka ficci olikin sekaisin kuin seinäkello ja epäselvä vielä ensi vuonnakin. :D Joo, tämä on ehkä synkin kirjoitukseni ikinä, minua inspasi mm. reality glitchit (niitä tapahtuu, googlaile vaikka! :D), creepy pastat, deja vut ja muut kummallisuudet, mutta sopivasti sovellettuna. En itse tykkää yliluonnollisista asioista yhtään, sillä minulla on liian villi mielikuvitus joka luo vaikka millaisia angsti-scenarioita. Hyi, hyi. :D
Mutta, ihanaa että kommentoit! Kiitos kovasti! Ja vaikka minulla kesti sata vuotta vastata, se ei tarkoita ettenkö arvostaisi tätä kommenttia. Arvostan kyllä. :)

    1 tykkää.
Vuoden crossover
Viestit: 270
Liittynyt: To Elo 14, 2008 5:43 pm
Paikkakunta: NU ÅBO

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