Nothing you lose -NC17- ch.14/14 [Nightmare, Ayabie, SID]

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Nothing you lose -NC17- ch.14/14 [Nightmare, Ayabie, SID]

ViestiKirjoittaja Anraf » Ti Marras 01, 2011 3:20 pm

Title: Nothing you lose
Author: Anraf
Beta: No
Genre: Romance, drama, humor
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Sex. Rough and gentle. BDSM too.
Chapters: 14
Characters: Kenzo (Ayabie), Ruka (Nightmare), Aki (SID) + the other Nightmare members
Pairings, roughly: Ruka x Kenzo (Ruka x other partners too, like girugamesh's Satoshi), Kenzo x Aki, Ni-ya x Sakito (?), Hitsugi x Yomi (one-sided)

Summary: Back in the days when Kenzo was still new to the music world, he had met Hitsugi who had introduced him to his band, Nightmare, and soon Ruka took Kenzo under his wings, as his junior and eventually as his lover too. However, Ruka found it hard to deal with the feelings Kenzo evoked in him, so he denied his feelings and for Kenzo's sake and his own decided to end their relationship, leaving Kenzo only have regret, disappointment and doubts about everything there had been between them. Not having told even Aki about the true terms of their relationship with Ruka in the past, he and the SID's bassist end up becoming closer than just best friends.
Ruka, seeing Kenzo now happy with someone else, dwells in his own loneliness and misery even worse than before. Trying to find some meaning for his life as well as repenting the choices he has made, he ends up even going to BDSM clubs with his regular sex partners. However, he only finds that the more he tries to escape his feelings and punish himself with pain, the more the past haunts him.
Well, Ni-ya and Sakito have a role to play in this too, as they are doing their best to make the two drummers see that they won't be completely happy until they're together. Finally Aki is totally fed up with all the secrets and scheming around him and decides to find out the truth, even if it may hurt.

A/N: Now that I have finished all the unfinished sagas, may I present you a new one - Nothing you lose. It's lyrics are touching, and gave me more ideas for this fic. Ruka in his all gothness yet cuteness is pure love, and so are Aki and Kenzo, as you might already very well know, those are my darlings. So, what makes this story exceptional is that my main focus is now on Ruka and Kenzo. Also, it was fun to write about all the other Nightmare members. I just love my little shoulder devils Ni-ya & Sakito. I hope you enjoy of this story as much as I do!


Nothing you lose

Chapter 1.

"I'm bored almost to death and just want to go home, okay?" Ruka growled at his bandmates' objections of him planning to leave in the midst of drinking, and swept his forehead with his arm.
"Well, that's nicely expressed," Sakito uttered a laughter and lifted his beer glass to his lips.
Yomi just glanced at Ruka and then lowered his gaze back to the iPad Hitsugi was holding, as the guitarist was showing them a clip of Ayabie's recent gig.
"That's unusual. You used to be excited to see clips of their gigs. You always studied Kenzo's work carefully," Hitsugi noted with a tender smile and looked at their drummer into eyes.
Ruka looked back for a short moment and then moved his gaze again.
"Used to. I guess I'm overbored now or something. Well, I go now," the drummer announced and stood up.
Ni-ya followed him with his gaze and seemed pondering. Ruka had been grumpier than usual and didn't even bother to hide his frustration whenever Hitsugi begun to talk something Kenzo-related. Even worse if Aki was mentioned too. Usually Nightmare members just ignored their moody drummer, as it was nothing unusual, but lately Ni-ya had had a time to think about the situation and the people involved. He had a theory about Ruka's feelings and had a strong hunch he was right.

Ruka arrived to his apartment and threw his keys on the table in the hallway. Only silence greeting him at home, for a fleeting moment he regretted leaving the party already. He loved and hated his solitude. But sometimes too much of something was just... too much. And there had been way too much of talks about Kenzo for one night. The younger drummer seemed like some kind of passion to Hitsugi. Sure, Hitsugi treasured his friends more than anyone could understand - more than Ruka could ever understand, as his best friend was called Jack Daniels, and their hobby together was to put all the frustrating feelings into hitting plates of the lonely drum kit in the corner of his bedroom.
Ruka wandered to kitchen and opened the window. He sat down and groped his cigarettes and the lighter from his pocket. His friend waited for him already on the table, next to an ashtrey. He gave the whiskey bottle a glance and then moved his gaze into the darkness at the ajarred window. He avoided looking at the empty seat on the other side of the table, a seat where he had often seen Kenzo sitting and smoking with him. Had. It hadn't happened for a long time. Ruka had stopped counting already how many weeks or months it had been. Enough for him to believe he'd never see Kenzo in his apartment again. But who could he blame? Only himself. I have nothing more to teach you, he had said to the younger. He had said it though he knew as well as Kenzo that the younger drummer didn't come to his place to learn anything. He came to be with Ruka. And that common knowledge was exactly why those words had stroke Kenzo. It had meant that Ruka had nothing more to give to him. Not as a musician, not as a lover.

Ruka tried to shake the memory of Kenzo's furious eyes that day. They had been full of disappointment, rage and sadness. Ruka felt a heavy pressure on his chest and left the cigarette hang between his lips as he used his both hands to open the bottle. The glass waited there too - how convenient - and he poured into it some of the golden liquid. Like drinking straight from the bottle would have made any difference. But somehow Ruka felt it did. Drinking from glass wouldn't make it look like he was on bottom or something. He still had a control over his life and didn't suffer for the loss of Kenzo at all. No, not at all.
Ruka shook his cigarette above the ashtray and noticed one certain cigarette stub that had been there for... ages. It wasn't Marlboro Menthol Light like his. He knew it wasn't one of his recent guests' either. He had saved it from long ago. Why? Only to remember that once Kenzo had been here with him? Ruka shrugged to himself and inhaled his cigarette until it was finished.
Not long after his doorbell rang. It was night. It couldn't have been anybody but someone who really wanted to see him at this late hour. So, Ruka had no other choise but to get up and walk to the door.

At the door he met Ni-ya's intense gaze and somehow Ruka knew the bassist had came to lecture him. Sure, lately he had made these disappearings from their parties and rehearsals more than before, but wasn't it his own choise, after all?
"Come in," Ruka sighed and rubbed his forehead, tired.
The bassist stepped into the apartment and could smell the fresh scent of smoke. As he reached the kitchen where Ruka had vanished, he noticed the open window and the bottle on the table.
"So, you decided to go home early so you could continue smoking and drinking... alone?" Ni-ya commented and turned his inspecting gaze back to the drummer.
"It wasn't early. And I was just about to go to sleep."
"Right... Alone?"
"Of course. Do you see anyone else here?" Ruka snorted tiredly.
"No, but I see remains of a cigarette that doesn't belong to you," Ni-ya nodded at the ashtrey.
"It's old...ish," Ruka corrected. "Probably from the guest I had here yesterday or when was it," he lied and avoided Ni-ya's penetrating gaze.
Sometimes it was like the bassist was reading minds or something and it disturbed Ruka verily.
"Is that so? Well... I'm happy to hear you do have guests here still. Now that Kenzo is gone and all..."
"What do you mean gone?" Ruka growled and bit his lip as he turned his look away again.
"You know that I know. I know how you have changed for that."
"I see," Ruka commented with a bored tone.
He definitely wasn't in a mood to analyse his feelings with anyone.

Ni-ya noticed Ruka getting tense so he went to the living room and sat down on the couch. He spread his arms on its back rest and looked at the tall, dark drummer for a while before he spoke again.
"People say Kenzo and Aki are an item. Together."
"And these news interest me because...?"
"Because wasn't he yours?" Ni-ya noted.
"Kenzo? Hardly," Ruka muttered and turned his gaze away from the bassist.
"I'm curious. Did you guys break up because of Aki or did he start being with Aki afterwards?"
"I don't know what is going on between them and how long. I guess since Hitsugi introduced them. I don't know. And to be honest, I don't even care," Ruka said and now stared at the other man with a look that was close to glare.
"Really? You don't care or you try not to care? Because to me it seems Kenzo and Aki is quite a delicate topic to you. You always either become aggressive or flee when it comes to them. So, how is it, do you still have feelings for Kenzo?"
"Ni-ya... Get out," Ruka sighed tiredly. "I really need to sleep."
"There you go. Aggressive. But you know... To me it seems he still has feelings for you too," Ni-ya continued.
"Seriously, get out."
Ni-ya stood up and walked to stand in front of Ruka. They stared at each other for a while until an amused sneer grew on Ni-ya's lips.
"Funny. You look like him."
"Who?" Ruka asked tiredly.

Ruka's tired, indifferent expression changed as he stared now into Ni-ya's eyes.
"Yes, you two resemble one another very much. No wonder Kenzo is attracted to him too."
"Please don't make me hurt you," the drummer replied with a monotonic voice and forced again an indifferent look on his face.
"Of course not. But you could get him back if you wanted. Just saying," Ni-ya smiled softly and walked to the door.
"Yeah, if I wanted. But now, why would I want that?" Ruka asked blankly.
"I don't know, maybe so you would stop being so damn cranky and so pathetic that you smoke and drink with an imaginary Kenzo here," Ni-ya ranted, slightly annoyed by his stubborn bandmate.
"Good night, Ni-ya, and fuck you."
"Like you will fuck yourself too," the bassist talked back and left Ruka's house.
Ruka sighed and dragged back to the kitchen and sat down again. Somehow, his will to drink had vanished and even smoking didn't tempt him. He didn't know what would. Nothing seemed to impress him much these days. It was all gone with...
He gave a glance at the discarded cigarette of the younger drummer and felt a boast filling his body and mind. Imaginary Kenzo? To hell with it! Ruka took the cigarette and threw it out of the window.

Immediately he regretted it and for the first time he really felt that he had lost something important in his life. Kenzo had moved on already. Had a successful band and a new boyfriend. A boyfriend who had a successful band too, same habits and good looks. We look alike? Ruka laughed at the thought. By the looks Aki was a playboy and he definitely was not. Perhaps if he had chose to be one he could, but... Nonsense. Ni-ya was just once again sharing his random opinions that no one really asked to hear. Ruka shook his head and closed the window. He shut the light from the kitchen and wandered to his bedroom. He took his clothes off one by one while he looked at his drum set. Sometimes, when he had came from the bathroom, Kenzo had sat behind the drums and inspected them, admiring the surface and sets. And when the younger had noticed him he had gave him a soft smile. A smile that melted the ice around Ruka's heart. But the ice always grew back. In the morning it was there again and he would escort Kenzo out of his apartment like nothing had happened, except their training. Because that's the way it was; he had nothing else to give.

Ruka stood by his drums and imagined Kenzo sitting there like so many times before. He imagined how he would watch Kenzo's playing and admire the way the younger handled such a set of plates and drums. Kenzo would glance at him at times, looking for confirmation that he was playing well. Like the younger needed any. Kenzo was a born drummer. His devotion almost matched Ruka's. Except that Kenzo had other interests too. Ruka, on the other hand, not so much. Just music. Except... his student, his junior. But he hadn't had nothing, nothing more to give than the training together and one passionate night at a time with no promises of anything else. Ruka closed his eyes and remembered how he had put his hands softly on Kenzo's shoulders or stroke gently his hair while he stood behind the younger. Kenzo had sometimes leaned back against Ruka, and the older's grip had tightened around him. That was all he could give. A drum playing session and a little bit affection, but that's all. Then again, what had he actually feared the most? That Kenzo would expect more and he could not give it to him, or that he would start wanting more and Kenzo wouldn't want to give it? Ruka still didn't know for sure, as he had tried his best to avoid thinking about it. He sighed, frustrated by his thoughts.
What's past is past, and Kenzo was apparently doing well now. And so was he. So well.

Viimeksi muokannut Anraf päivämäärä Ma Kesä 08, 2015 9:31 am, muokattu yhteensä 15 kertaa
~Here lies what is left of me. The rest is mystery. Ignore thyself.~ (Stan Rice)

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Re: Nothing you lose -NC17- ch.2/? [Nightmare, Ayabie, SID]

ViestiKirjoittaja Anraf » Ti Marras 01, 2011 3:31 pm

Chapter 2.

Kenzo opened his eyes slowly as the daylight began to wake him up. He could hear a sound of water and came to a conclusion that Aki was up already, taking a shower, and that he had shut the alarm to let Kenzo sleep some more. Knowing the bassist, Aki had already made some breakfast too for them to cure their hangover. It had been another party night with their friends. Once again they had drank until they dropped and now it was time to try and wake up into another day at work... only to live towards another night to party. Easy life. Rocker's life. Kenzo yawned, rubbed his eyes and then sat up.
"Alright, let's go."
He walked to the bathroom where Aki sat in the bathtube, relaxing, his eyes closed. They exchanged quick smiles and then the bassist continued his silent relaxing. Kenzo washed his face and teeth and brushed his hair quickly before he headed into kitchen. As expected, the coffee was almost done and a healthy, balanced meal waited for them on the table. Aki was practical like that - to the point where he actually wasn't.
"Why did you take a bath now when the coffee and breakfast are already done?" Kenzo asked as he returned to the bathroom.
"I didn't know you'd wake up this soon," Aki laughed and slowly opened his eyes to meet Kenzo's gaze.
The drummer seemed inspecting and then sighed.
"I'll wait for you."
"It's okay. You can eat if you're hungry. I'd probably just swallow it all quickly, as I'm not much of a company anyways this morning," Aki replied.
"Oh, that bad hangover?" Kenzo smirked.
"Somewhat," the older smiled back and closed his eyes again, sinking deeper in the water embracing him.

Kenzo hummed, somewhat amused, and returned to the kitchen. As he took a coffee cup for himself, he couldn't help but think how he'd rather have company in the mornings. Not that he was a morning person, but it would feel better to start a day with someone. Sometimes they stayed over night at each other's homes and in the morning shared breakfast - quick or slow, depending if they had a work to rush to. But still it wasn't like... in a relationship. Sometimes it was more like being roommates or something. Kenzo wondered if he'd ever get that - the ordinary life with someone. The life where both had their everyday routines and they'd grow so fond on them that someday they could not live without them, or each other. Reading the morning's newspaper together, arguing a little about whose turn it was to wash the dishes and then have some make up kisses and even sex maybe. Kenzo leaned his back against the kitchen counter, not bothering to sit down yet, and stared out of the window as he sipped his coffee. Aki made perfect coffee and perfect breakfast - if you liked lots of vegetables and tofu, that is. But sometimes - and only rarely these days - Kenzo missed the sausages, cheeses and whatever else Ruka had always succeeded to pull out of his fridge. The older drummer wasn't health freak, he just ate what he had happened to want. He took what he happened to want. Like he had took Kenzo and was probably taking many other people too. Yeah, Ruka had many patners now, or maybe had always had. Kenzo didn't know for sure. When they still had spent time together and shared bed, they had never spoke about relationship or commitments of any kind. They hadn't, but the topic had always been there, lingering somewhere in the air. That was probably what had suffocated Ruka to the point that he had wanted to rid Kenzo off his life.

Kenzo sighed and finally moved to sit. What a way to start a day, thinking of such a gloomy things. Trying his best he succeeded in pushing his feelings away and began to think about work-related things. Another thing he had learned from his senpai. How to be cool and composed, even cold. No... Ruka wasn't cold, really. Kenzo stared into his coffee cup and gave it another thought. Ruka was maybe a little bit distant, but he definitely wasn't cold. Cold person wouldn't have cared about him like Ruka had - helping him to get to know people and guiding him in the storms of the music world in his first years. Cold person wouldn't have looked at him with such a soft gaze, touching him so gently, respectingly and lovingly... Lovingly? Kenzo winced. Love it definitely had not been, him getting so harshly informed that he wasn't needed anymore. Sure, Ruka had put it that way that Kenzo didn't need him anymore, but they both knew what it had meant. Irritated by his thoughts and feelings, Kenzo wandered to the hallway to get the daily newspaper and decided to focus on the matters at hand. Routines like this, that's what he needed. Coffee, breakfast and morning news. Then off to work.

He had already fixed a proper breakfast and nearly finished it when Aki finally came from the bath. The bassist wore only a towel on his hips and he still dripped some water to the floors. Kenzo was about to say something about it, being irritated by so many other things today than actually about Aki, but he was able to hold his tongue. If anything, arguing with Aki was futile and tiring, and Kenzo didn't want any more of that into his morning that had already tortured him with the thoughts and feelings he had tried hard to put behind. Fighting was stressful, so they avoided that, but Aki was also awesome in relieving stress, and that was exactly what Kenzo needed now. As Aki was pouring coffee, his back facing Kenzo, the drummer slowly stood up and moved to lean against him. He laid his chin on Aki's shoulder and hummed into his ear, enjoying the refreshing waterdrops on his lips as they brushed gently Aki's moist nape and hair. Aki shivered at the tickle that went through his spine, thanks to Kenzo's soft kisses.

"I'm really feeling awful at the moment," Aki laughed apologetically and turned around.
Kenzo smiled at him softly and continued kissing his neck. Aki gulped and tried to relax although he just wanted to sit down and eat something. Not that he had much appetite, but he knew he should eat or he would feel even worse soon. Although, Kenzo's kisses felt good too...
"I should eat...," Aki said and arched his neck back as he received the kisses that little by little turned into more passionate.
"Go ahead, eat. Don't mind about me," Kenzo smirked and gave Aki way to move by the table.
The bassist collected things to his plate while Kenzo continued sliding his fingers and lips on his still moist neck and back.
"Weren't you supposed to have a meeting today at the office?" Aki asked, amused.
"Yeah, in a bit," the younger replied and gently slid his hand to feel the front of Aki's towel.
"You're amazing," Aki laughed. "How can you be so... awake?"
"I drank less than you, maybe. It's all about selfcontrol," Kenzo smiled and nibbled Aki's earlobe.
"So where's your selfcontrol now?"
"Hey, I have my limits too. Now, finish up your breakfast so I can eat you."
"But I haven't even started yet," Aki laughed.
"I go take a shower. You better be done by then," Kenzo commented and groped playfully Aki's butt before he vanished into bathroom.

Aki shook his head with a chiding smile and sighed in relief as he finally could sit down and eat his breakfast in peace. Being with Kenzo was good, but in a mornings like this he just wanted to wake up slowly with his own pace. Kenzo was sometimes very demanding lover in many senses, but giving in to his will was worth it. Definitely. With that in mind, Aki hurried his breakfast down and put the rest of the things back to the fridge. He thought of going to wait Kenzo in bed - it was his day off after all and he had decided to spend it there, sleeping as much as possible. As he passed the bathroom he could hear Kenzo talking there. The younger was probably on the phone, so Aki quietly opened the door and ditched his towel to the hook on the wall.
"What do you mean he's missing me? Give me a break. He has a phone, he could call if he wanted," Kenzo growled.
Aki glanced quickly at his lover, or rather the back he was facing. He could sense Kenzo was tense and rather upset. Aki stepped back and left the door ajar.
"Have you been drinking, Ni-ya? None of your ramblings make any sense. Why are you calling me about Ruka? It's morning and I have work to do."

Ruka... missing Kenzo? Aki leaned against the wall, not wanting to eavesdrop, but...
"Yeah, I have the evening off, but I thought of spending it with Aki. No, I don't think we're going to any bar tonight, we drank already last night. I know. Yeah, it hasn't stopped us before, but... Listen, it's a bad day for anything. I'm not in a mood. No hard feelings. I just... can't."
Kenzo saying he couldn't do something had to be really serious. Kenzo always pushed himself and didn't let any emotion prevent him from doing something, the least going out to have fun. But apparently for some reason Kenzo didn't seem to be thrilled about Ni-ya's invitation, although they usually liked to party with Nightmare members. Aki had once heard that Ruka had even been Kenzo's senpai back in the days. Why was Kenzo now so irritated? And now when he gave it a thought, why didn't Kenzo ever talk about Ruka?

Suddenly Aki realized Kenzo wasn't talking anymore so he dashed to the bedroom to wait for the drummer. Soon Kenzo arrived there and Aki could tell the drummer's body was still tense. However, Kenzo tried to smile casually at him and moved to lay on the bed, dropping his towel on the floor. Aki smiled him gently back and spread his arms to take Kenzo laying against him.
Kenzo lied somewhat on top of Aki and caressed the bassist's cheek with his thumb. He looked into Aki's deep brown eyes and relaxed a little in their soft gaze. Kenzo pressed his lips on Aki's and received gentle caresses from Aki's tongue. As their lips parted he moved the darkbrown hair from Aki's neck and softly nibbled his pierced ear.
"I want you," Kenzo whispered seductively.
That had been clear to Aki ever since Kenzo had woken up, and there seemed to be no way to decline the drummer. Not that he minded. Not that he cared. He was still hangoverish but he was okay with it if Kenzo wanted to do something. Aki embraced the drummer and pulled Kenzo to lay properly on top of him and spread his thighs. Kenzo liked how Aki showed no resistance - the bassist seldom did.

While Kenzo moved inside the older, his hand wandered on the bassist's beautiful, slim figure and felt it from everywhere he possibly could touch. He felt so good with Aki. Always. And the feeling was mutual. Perhaps that was why eventually their friendship had grown into a relationship or something alike. They still didn't live together, because Aki was particular of his own space and certain independence. But Kenzo didn't mind. After all, they spent almost all the possible free time together.
Aki's fingers slid down along Kenzo's arched back as he ate the drummer with his gaze. Kenzo looked hot and wild and seemed to be enjoying everything they did in bed. It felt good to see Kenzo like that. Even though Aki wasn't much of a company on a days like this when he suffered the consequences of consuming too much alcohol, still Kenzo wanted him and found ways to enjoy of him - making him enjoy too. Aki reached to suck Kenzo's neck, keeping in mind that he shouldn't leave marks anywhere to be seen. Kenzo slid his hands into Aki's hair and gave it a tug to provoke the bassist for harder bites on his neck. When he fucked Aki, he forgot about everything else. The only thing that mattered was their bodies being together. The understanding, the passion and the need for one another just flowed between them. That was the best kind of stress-relieving ever.

Kenzo pulled Aki to sit on his lap and held the bassist tight against his chest while Aki slowly moved his hips in a circle-like motion, causing them both pleasure beyond this world. Aki wasn't sure how long his thighs could hold him up but he wanted to give everything he could before he would collapse. Not that Kenzo's grip would have allowed him to fall on his back. When Aki didn't seem to have anymore energy to move, Kenzo laid him on the bed again and with long and hard thrusts allowed himself to finally come. He gasped into Aki's neck, still laying on top of him and slowly lifted his head to search for Aki's lips. They kissed unhurriedly and tried to calm their breaths.

After their lips parted Kenzo happened to glance at the clock on the night table and growled.
"Fuck. Gotta go. So, you'll stay here waiting?"
"Yeah, not moving anywhere from bed," Aki smiled tiredly.
"Good. Because I want some more," Kenzo whispered, playfully exaggarating the lustful tone.
Aki uttered a laughter and watched as Kenzo rolled over and went to look for something to wear. Kenzo paced from one room to another and finally succeeded in getting fully dressed and ready to go. As he was packing his keys and phone he looked at Aki on the bed, lying among the white sheets, relaxed and seductive. If only there was no work today... Kenzo shook the thoughts. He had to do what he had to do. Besides, Aki wasn't going anywhere.
"Laters," Kenzo hollered from the door.
"Laters indeed," Aki mumbled and snuggled his pillow as he looked for a good position to fall asleep.


Aki woke up when his phone informed about the incoming call. It was Hitsugi, asking if Aki and Kenzo wanted to come drinking with him. As they didn't have any specific plans yet, it sounded more than good to Aki. It's not that he literally wanted to stay in bed all day. Or the day maybe yes, but not the whole night.
"I'll call you later when and where," Hitsugi informed cheerfully.
Aki yawned and rose to sit. He looked at himself from the mirror doors of the wardrobe and smiled lopsidedly. He looked like a mess for having drank all night and then being roughly sexed, still hangoverish. He was a drunken mess but Kenzo wanted him. The way they cared about each other was special. It was more than being soulmates. Perhaps that's why it was hard to give a name to whatever there was between them. They just were together. Like they were supposed to. Aki sighed with a content smile and walked to the bathroom to have another bath. He just loved lazy days like this.

When Kenzo came back home he heard sounds coming from a TV and could smell a delicious scent of food greeting him at the door. He loved it whenever Aki had a day off. The bassist would always spend it with him and act like a good housewife. This is what Kenzo wanted. Someone he could trust, someone who could put up with his temper and needs. Someone, who would always be there. He removed his jacket and kicked off his shoes and entered the apartment, finding Aki from the living room. Much to his surprise, the older man wasn't in his boxers like usually, but fully dressed, his hair done and all. Was Aki trying to surprise and seduce him by looking that good, or what was going on? Kenzo smiled and received a command to go eating. Kenzo didn't like to be told around, but a command like that he could never resist. Aki was also a perfect cook. Once again, if you liked tofu and vegetables. Kenzo had learned to like them, eventually. Although he did enjoy a lot whenever he could go out to eat with other people and pick whatever greasy foods from the menu.
"You have eat already?" Kenzo asked as he noticed that Aki stayed at the doorpost of the kitchen and didn't come to take a plate for himself.
"Yeah. I got hungry, waiting for you," Aki smiled.
"Sorry about that. The meeting got longer than expected."
"It's okay. Just eat and get ready to go."
"Go where?" Kenzo tilted his head.
"Hitsugi has something in mind. He should call any minute and tell what."
"You tell him what: we stay home. I have no interest to go out today."
"That's new," Aki commented and his smile faded a little.
"No, it's not. I don't like to go out everyday," Kenzo nodded and sat down.

Aki sighed and moved to the fridge. He took a bottle of ice tea and placed it on the table. Then he took two glasses and filled them up while Kenzo glanced at him in the midst of eating.
"But I want to go," Aki finally informed.
"Then I guess you must," Kenzo sneered and flashed a quick smile at the older.
"If you're okay with it? You could come to pick me up sometime from... well, wherever I am," Aki laughed.
"I know this is a needless question but... are you going to stay out late?"
"Nah. I have an early appointment with Ivu. We go for a jog first in the morning and then head to the gym. Ah, I just love these days off," the bassist smiled and finished his glass.
"Are you sure you wouldn't come?" Aki asked. "We haven't hanged around with Nightmare for ages."
"Nightmare? Not just Hitsugi?" Kenzo asked, lifting his surprised gaze from the food.
"I got the impression they are going to party together and wanted us to join..."
"I'll pass," Kenzo informed and lowered his gaze back to his plate, frowning a little.
Aki noticed the tension returning into Kenzo's presence. He sat by the table and placed his hand softly on top of Kenzo's.
"Are you alright? Seems like something is troubling you."
"No, nothing troubles me. I just don't feel like partying now."

Aki remained silent and wondered if he should bring up the conversation he had heard Kenzo having with Ni-ya earlier. What bothered him the most in their relationship was the way Kenzo could act like there never was such feelings as hurt. It was like no loss or bad words could ever harm the drummer. In a way Aki admired that, being sometimes so over-sensitive himself, but it also made him feel like there was a gap between them. Weren't they supposed to share everything - as friends and lovers?
"I'm ready to listen when you want to talk about it," Aki said and clenched gently Kenzo's hand in his.
"Don't go," Kenzo said with a quiet tone.
"Stay home with me. Or if you insist to go out, we could go together somewhere else, just the two of us."
"You give me the impression that there's some trouble between you and Nightmare," Aki noted suspiciously. "Is it about Ni-ya? I know he can be rough-tongued sometimes, but so are you," Aki smiled.
"Oh. Well... Ruka then?" Aki suggested and looked at the younger, inspective.

Kenzo didn't reply, and it made Aki feel not only uneasy but rather frustrated. How hard could it be to Kenzo to open up and speak of his feelings and problems?
"Babes, talk to me," Aki said and kept his intensive gaze in his lover.
"The food is good."
"The food is good?" the bassist repeated, appalled.
"It is," Kenzo stated and flashed him the kind of smile that Aki recognized very well as an attempt to distract him.
He knew Kenzo too well and sometimes he felt he didn't know the younger at all. And this was one of those moments.
"I'm going. Now. If you change your mind about coming, call me or Hitsugi."
Aki got up and put his glass into sink, leaving the kitchen with a sigh while Kenzo looked at him without saying a word. When the loud sound of the door informed that Aki had left the apartment, Kenzo moved his gaze back to his almost finished food. He frowned to himself and snorted. What was wrong with him today? It was not like him to wake up moody and dwell in the past so much that it affected the presence. So much that he let his hot-looking lover go out partying with Nightmare - the craziest, perviest wackos there was. But he knew today was not a good day to meet Ruka. Especially if the older drummer was having someone there in his armpit, like Kenzo had witnessed a few times in their random encounters. Sure, Ruka was sexually active, very, and he if anyone should know it, but even so, he felt replaced and it felt all the way just wrong. So wrong, that one day Kenzo had turned to his best friend and in the midst of his misery and loneliness had took their friendship even further, eventually finding his only comfort and shelter in Aki.
However, no matter who he was with, he still felt often so lonely. Like now. He looked at his plate that idled on the table with the glass. Just one plate and one glass. Was this what their relationship was mostly about?
"Get a grip, man," Kenzo sighed and stood up. He collected his dishes and put them into the washing machine.
A bitching and whining man wasn't what he had aimed to become. A man like that would not achieve anything in life. He groped his cigarettes from his pocket and went to the balcony, breathing in the fresh early winter air before he lit one of the smokes.

~Here lies what is left of me. The rest is mystery. Ignore thyself.~ (Stan Rice)

Vuoden jännitys
Viestit: 495
Liittynyt: Pe Helmi 05, 2010 4:27 am

Re: Nothing you lose -NC17- ch.3/? [Nightmare, Ayabie, SID]

ViestiKirjoittaja Anraf » Ke Marras 02, 2011 10:51 am

Chapter 3.

"Are you sure you don't want some?" Sakito asked Aki as he filled his plate with french fries.
Aki smiled gently and shook his head, making the auburn tresses float softly. Sakito smiled back and then took some more on his plate.
"I ate before I left," Aki explained.
"If I don't misremember, you avoid fattening foods like this. Maa, I'm really jealous. Wish I could do that too," Yomi sighed and put his hands on Aki's shoulders from behind.
He gave the bassist a gentle tap and then let go of him. He let his gaze wander in Aki and then shook his head.
"I'd kill to have a body like that."
"What, you're perfect," Hitsugi laughed and turned to look at the vocalist.
Hitsugi had stood there awhile, mixing drinks, despite Ruka's objections, as the drummer wasn't that interested in the sudden surprise party that had raided his house. Yomi just hemmed and stole one french frie from Sakito's full plate.
"You are," Aki smiled gently and gave an approving nod.
Yomi smiled back, a little impressed by the compliments. Ruka watched the men from the couch he was sitting at, not bothering to hide his curious gaze from Ni-ya, who sat on the other couch. First he had been annoyed for Ni-ya bringing people into his house, even more so when he had heard Aki would join them too. But as Aki seemed to come without Kenzo, Ruka felt easier and decided to seize the moment for inspecting the bassist. From what he had noticed - already earlier and especially today - was that Aki was polite, moderately talkative and very helpful. Even though the bassist wasn't eating, he helped the others with the plates and glasses and cleaned up if they left mess somewhere. Kenzo must be happy having someone like that in his neat house.

"Enjoying the little party I threw?" Ni-ya finally broke the silence between them.
"I'm thrilled," Ruka commented sarcastically.
"That I can see. You seem to be even more thrilled about our little guest."
Ruka found it best not to say anything and just moved leisurely his whiskey glass to his lips. It was nice to have people visiting him for a change, as long as the people would realize to leave too at some point and wouldn't cause any drama there. He didn't know what Ni-ya had expected to happen, but he had no intention to start any fight with Aki.
"I want to watch porn," Yomi declared, making Aki almost spill the drink he was just swallowing.
Hitsugi tapped the coughing Aki's back and laughed.
"You're the only person I know who can say something like that without a flinch."
"And you were just talking about food," Sakito noted with a smile. "And Aki's body..."
"Well, that explains it," Hitsugi laughed.
Yomi looked at the men around him, serious. Then he marched to the living room and headed at Ruka's TV table.
"We're going to watch porn."
"I see," the drummer commented.
"You're having good stocks there?" Ni-ya asked with a grin and gave a playful look at Ruka.
"I don't know about good, but right now I don't care about the quality or genre," Yomi mumbled as he moved the DVD's around in the drawer. "So much gayporn... and bondage. Gay bondage. Hm. I guess we could watch this if nothing better show up."

The men on the couches looked at Yomi putting the DVD aside and continuing his searches.
"Sounds interesting," Ni-ya commented and Ruka could notice the gleam in the bassist's eyes.
The blonde was apparently about to tease and poke him about it, though it wasn't any secret among the band that Ruka was the gayest of them all. Girls had never been able to give him what men could, so eventually Ruka had gave up bringing girls home. He had his regular partners these days, some male musicians that gave him what he needed, as they also got from him what they needed. Ruka didn't bother seeing them daily, not even weekly, but he had his weak moments when masturbation just wasn't enough. After all, he needed closeness and affection too, although he had tried to deny it.
"It's very," he nodded approvingly. "Especially when they put a gag into one's mouth. At that point I can't help thinking of doing that to you," Ruka continued and moved his gaze to meet Ni-ya's.
"Dude... wow, hold it," Ni-ya pulled back on the sofa and lifted his hands up in rejection, laughing embarrassed.
"To shut you up," Ruka defined. "Don't imagine I'd do that for pleasure. Well, hmm. Pleasure is to shut you up for once," he shrugged and stood up from the couch.

He walked to the kitchen and left his glass there next to the Jack Daniel's bottle. He glanced at Aki who seemed to be staring at him and then returned to the living room, heading to balcony. He rarely smoked there, as the kitchen window was much nicer place. However, the kitchen was crowded, as was the table too where his ashtrey lied. Ruka leaned forward with his arms on the balustrade and looked at the night view over Tokyo. It was one of the rare moments that made him happy. When he looked at the calm scenery, knowing there was so many people still awake just like he was, it made him feel less lonely. It also made him feel glad he was there and they were further. He liked being with people without socializing too much with them. For some reason Kenzo had understood it. Although the younger drummer was a lot more social than Ruka, Kenzo had learned to understand and love solitude with him. Well, maybe not love. In many senses Kenzo was more of a committing type who needed attention and affection regularly. And Ruka had gave it to the certain point. Until neither one of them knew what was going to happen next. Ruka had predicted it would sooner or later end anyway, so he had made the final choice to speed up the process. Well, he definitely didn't need to feel bad for Kenzo, as he had quite soon after found Aki. The overall perfect Aki...

Ruka inhaled his cigarette and slowly blew the smoke out. It stayed in the air for a while as the night was quite chilly. Not that Ruka felt it. The whiskey warmed up his body nicely and he had learned to ignore the cold along with many other feelings and sensations. Soon the balcony door opened and Aki joined him. Ruka didn't say anything, just let his gaze wander quickly in the younger and then turned to look at the night view again. Aki still wore his gentle smile he had had all evening, looking like a Mona Lisa or something. Aki was beautiful too, like a sculpture or painting. Decorating Kenzo's home now...
"It's cold," Aki broke the silence.
"It's winter," Ruka commented, with no malice or arrogance in his voice. He was just saying.
They smoked in quiet for a while until Ruka couldn't ignore anymore the bassist's stare. He turned his gaze at Aki and met the pair of deep brown eyes, having the same kind of vulnerable yet curious look in them than he usually had. Ruka still didn't feel as if he would be looking into a mirror, but he had to admit that their eyes, hair, even the location of the piercings were almost identical. Aki realized Ruka had noticed his stare so he uttered an embarrassed laughter and turned his gaze to the rooftops of the houses nearby. Ruka lived way too high for his tastes but he had to admit that the view was breathtaking.
"Sorry, it's just that..."
"You are Ruka," Aki laughed.
"Excuse me? Do I look like I'd have forgot who I am?" Ruka asked, smiling lopsidedly, slightly amused seeing Aki acting so coy - pretty much like he sometimes did. Although he was better in hiding his shyness than Aki seemed to be.
"No no... but you... wow. I just love Nightmare," Aki continued laughing.
"Very unlike Hitsugi to invite fans into our private parties," Ruka mused, a faint smile still on his lips.
"Aw, don't tease me," Aki said and turned to look away from Ruka to hide his embarrassement. Apparently Hitsugi's drinks had been quite strong.
"Sorry," the drummer sneered and leaned again on the balustrade and sighed deep. Now, this was ridiculous, to smoke with Aki, listening to his praising words, and see his admiring gazes. And to notice that actually Aki was nice. Well, of course he was. Why else Hitsugi would want to spend time with him? Or Kenzo... He noticed Aki was glancing at him still and looked like he wanted to ask something.
"Yes, I am Ruka," the drummer nodded with a serious face, trying to hide the faint smile at the corners of his lips.
"Kenzo's senpai," Aki said softly, almost whispering.
Hearing Kenzo's name coming from those soft-looking lips with such a tenderness in its tone, it reminded Ruka who Aki was and why he shouldn't like the younger.
"Was," the drummer replied.

Aki gave a nod and smiled. Ruka couldn't help but sneer at the remark. Aki apparently knew nothing about him and Kenzo, really. More than Kenzo's senpai, he had been his friend, sharing his passion for drumming - and each other. Well, not many knew about them and in a sense Ruka was relieved that Kenzo hadn't told even Aki. That way it was easier to put it behind... maybe. The truth was that he had been pondering all day if Kenzo ever thought about him, missed him, really wanted him back like Ni-ya had said. But whenever he looked at Aki he remembered Kenzo had no reason to want anything from him anymore. Being with a gorgeous being like that who seemed to be everything Kenzo needed, Ruka was just a distant memory from the past. And apparently would stay that way.
"So, Ayabie finally got to the big stages that are sold out," Ruka commented.
"Yeah," Aki smiled and inhaled his cigarette one last time before he threw it away.
"Congratulate him for me."
"You should do that yourself," Aki nodded with a small laughter.
"Nah... He'd probably punch me if I did," Ruka hemmed and glanced at the younger.
Although they had been in the same space for some times, they actually never spoke with Kenzo. Guess there was nothing to say anymore. No, that was a lie. There would have been. But they both chose to be silent of those things.
"He's not that violent really," Aki laughed.
Oh, really? Ruka looked at the younger and frowned a little. As far as he could remember - and he remembered it all very well - Kenzo had been bad-tempered and not afraid to use force in his actions, especially in bed.
"When he comes to pick me up, you should talk with him," Aki smiled.
"Why?" was the only word Ruka could say. Why would Aki want that? Why would he want that? He knew Kenzo didn't want that, at least.
"Why?" Aki laughed. "Why not? I really don't understand why you two don't hang around more often."
"He's busy." With you, Ruka continued in his mind.
"Then you should come to pay us a surprise visit sometimes," Aki laughed and turned around to lean his back on the balustrade and looked into the room where Nightmare members watched porn.
Us. Where they living together already? Ruka frowned as he remembered how Kenzo had left little things into his apartment, such as his own coffee cup, toothbrush, handcuffs and the signed poster of KISS. When they had separated, Ruka had asked if Kenzo wanted his poster back too, but the younger had just glanced at the framed poster on the living room's wall and sneered that he should finally let go of the past. So, the picture was there still, even though Ruka wasn't that much of a KISS fan. Good band and the poster was dark, so it was okay to leave it there. But everything else had disappeared. Well, not the handcuffs either. They were still somewhere in the bottom of the chest in Ruka's bedroom. The chest was full of such items. He sighed and put his cigarette into a small jar at the corner of the balcony.
"Oh, sorry. I didn't notice that," Aki apologized when he realized he had threw the cigarette off the balcony.
"Don't worry about it."

Ruka stepped inside and wandered to the kitchen to get some more whiskey. He needed company badly, because just thinking about Kenzo with someone else made him feel lonelier than ever. But none of his regular partners was there tonight so he'd turn to his best friend Jack Daniels again. With the filled glass he returned to the living room and sat next to Ni-ya. Loud moans of the porn filled the room and Ruka was happy he didn't have to mind socializing much.
"For a moment I feared already that you'd throw him off the balcony," Ni-ya muttered quietly at Ruka and glanced at the younger bassist who left the balcony and headed to the bathroom.
"Don't tell me you didn't think about it."
"Come on," Ruka snorted.
"Wouldn't it make it easier to get Kenzo back?" Ni-ya said significally.
"Who has said I want him back?"
"Ha! So you two have been an item," the bassist rejoiced.
Ruka gave him a glare just as the other members glanced at them questioningly.
"Aki doesn't know," Ruka mumbled, barely audibly, and crossed his arms, still holding his whisky glass. "And let's keep it that way. So shut up."
Ni-ya's "hmm" was always a bad sign, because it didn't mean he agreed. It meant that he only considered it. Ruka sighed and looked at the poster on the wall among many other dark pictures. Why was he really keeping it there? It reminded him of the past he should let go. Being on this couch, looking at that poster, it reminded him of the moments they had shared with Kenzo. How the younger admired the poster and its autographs and then turned his gleaming eyes back to Ruka, suddenly grabbing him with both hands from face, and pressed a lusty kiss on his lips. "My drummer, my Ruka..." Ruka remembered how he had uttered a laughter at the younger and pulled him to sit astraddled on his lap. "My shorty," he had replied, knowing it would make Kenzo snort and tug his hair aggressively, kissing him again. Their height difference sometimes bothered the shorter Kenzo, but only until he noticed it didn't bother Ruka. At all.
Good times. Too good. What was he, an idiot? Thinking about these things... No, what made him an idiot, really, was ever letting Kenzo go. And not just letting him go, pushing him away. Ni-ya followed the expressions on Ruka's face and found it amusing, as usually there was nothing to be seen on the drummer's face besides traces of frustration or boredom. But this time Ruka seemed to be dwelling in various thoughts that evoked feelings in him. Marvelous, Ruka did have feelings after all.

The drummer noticed Ni-ya's smirk and groaned.
"You're such a shoulder devil."
"Aren't I good at it?"
"What do you gain for torturing me?"
"Gain?" Ni-ya uttered a laughter. "Nothing but a great fun."
"You get your fun out of very little, irrelevant things," the drummer commented and sipped his drink.
"Seriously," Yomi said from the floor, turning to look at the men on the couch behind him, "We're watching porn here and you just keep babbling your own things? Is there something wrong, Ruka?"
Hitsugi, sitting next to Yomi, laughed at the note and glanced over his shoulder. Ni-ya just grinned at them and noticed Sakito's gentle smile from the other couch.
"Well, sorry," the bassist said with a chuckle.
"Kenzo will be here in a bit to pick me home," Aki informed as he entered the living room again.
The Nightmare memberes nodded and turned their gaze back to TV. All but Ni-ya, who seemed to be pondering something.
"Why didn't he come here with you?" he finally asked from the other bassist.
"What, it's not like we'd go everywhere together," Aki laughed.
"Really? I've got the impression you do," Ni-ya nodded.
"Well... no," Aki smiled.
The older bassist nodded and glanced at Ruka, who just stared forward without really looking at anywhere. Ni-ya stood up and headed towards kitchen.
"Have a seat," he said to Aki and motioned towards the drummer.
Aki gave him a nod and moved to sit next to the tall, dark man. When Ni-ya returned with a bottle of beer he sat next to the calm-looking Sakito, who didn't seem to enjoy much of the porn on TV, although he wasn't despising it either. If he was the shoulder devil, Sakito must be the angel, as the guitarist often smiled gently and had the certain serenity in his presence. But even angels fell sometimes, and that remark made Ni-ya chuckle. His gaze moved slowly at the men on the couch, both staring into a distance without saying a word.
"You two are like brothers," Ni-ya finally commented, waking both from their thoughts.
Aki looked at the older bassist questioningly and then at Ruka. Indeed, the drummer had similar hair style, piercings and blank expression as he did. It made Aki smile and finally laugh.
"Then, you are my brother!"
Ruka's eyes widened in a way that made Ni-ya utter a laughter from the other couch. Watching those two was just hilarious and much more entertaining than the porn on TV.
"Now when you say it, you two do look like each other, a little," Hitsugi commented with a laughter.
Ruka sighed and rolled his eyes. Comparing them was utterly stupid. It also was stupid from Kenzo to replace him with someone lookalike if he really wanted to get over his past. Ruka got up from the sofa and left the others, vanishing into his bedroom. He closed the door and sat on the edge of his bed, staring at his drum set under the window. He thought about everything without really thinking. He lived them again, the feeling there had been with Kenzo.

He came to when he heard a knock from the door and saw Ni-ya appearing into his bedroom.
"Come on, a grown up man hiding here like that," the bassist chided.
Ruka didn't reply, just clenched the edge of the bed he was sitting on and stared forward.
"Did they leave already?" he finally asked.
"Aki and...? Yeah."
"Come on, Ruka, grow balls. Fight for what you desire and want. Look, I like that Aki guy, but I'd like to see you chilling out a little. You're so serious, and grumpy even. And I know what for," Ni-ya stated.
"I'm not short on sex, if that's what you mean. I have partners."
"That wasn't what I was implying. I know very well you have partners," Ni-ya chortled. "What you miss is love."
"Love," Ruka repeated despisingly. "We separated because there was no love."
"Wussy," Ni-ya snorted. "Only true men can admit they love someone."
"That explains a lot," Ruka talked back and glanced at the bassist from the head to his toes.
Ni-ya looked at him for a while and then sighed.
"Fine. I give up. Dwell in your misery as much as you like."
"Thank you."
"If you're really fine with the fact that those two sleep together every night, wake up cuddling every morning and share everything, then fine. Knowing those two, it must be quite a lovely relationship, full of awesome sex and romantic moments. But surely you don't care what Aki does with and to your Kenzo, do you?" Ni-ya taunted with an amused tone and closed the door behind him.
Dammit. Ni-ya was good at whatever he was doing. Why did the bassist have to put his nose into other people's businesses? Ruka had never understood it. But now, thanks to all those remarks, he kept thinking about the person he had once had in his life. The person, who had made him feel. There had to be still something else in life too. He just had to find it. Why regret the made choices? And why was he so mad when he thought about Aki's delicate fingers brushing softly Kenzo's warm skin, wandering into his messy hair?
Although, he felt good for feeling something for a change, even if it was hate and rage. He also hated the fact that he didn't really have a right to feel any of that, being at fault himself. With a frustrated grown he grabbed the bedsheets and threw them on the floor. He would have wanted to break his drum set too, everything that reminded him of the things he had once had but then lost. Yes, despite his usually calm appearance, he was quite aggressive and dominating person. But the only times he let it show was either in bed or when someone had crossed the line in pissing him off. And that limit had been crossed today.

He stormed out of the room and decided to go out to town. He needed air, he needed to get away from this apartment with its memories. Apparently the TV was already shut and his bandmembers were in the kitchen. Without saying a word he headed to the hallway to dash out, but almost bumped into someone there. He lowered his gaze and realized he stared at his ex-lover into eyes. That really topped the day. They just stared at each other and Ruka expected Kenzo to say soon something, anything, most likely something stingy.
"Aki forgot his coat," Kenzo said when he finally was able to speak.
Ruka glanced at his coat rack and nodded. He passed Kenzo, hoping his hallway would have been wider so he didn't have to even brush the other drummer. Unfortunately, their bodies met and he felt his body shiver.
"Going out? Looking for some company for the night?"
Ruka stopped by the door, unable to turn to look at Kenzo behind him. There it came, the stingy, spiky comment. Figured.
"Actually quite contrary. I wish everyone to go to hell and leave me alone," Ruka groaned and slammed the door after him.
"Poor Ruka," Ni-ya said, suddenly appeared to lean on the wall at the hallway.
Kenzo turned to look at the bassist with a confused expression. Ni-ya smiled and nodded towards the door Ruka had vanished from.
"He doesn't realize he's already living in hell."
"You guys are so weird, especially when you're drunk," Kenzo mumbled with a faint smile and grabbed Aki's coat from the rack.
He was just leaving when he heard Ni-ya saying:
"Hell is living apart the ones you love."
He turned to look over his shoulder and gave the older a small nod before he left.

Ruka walked the streets, his hands shoved into pockets. He fought against the cold that tried to freeze his whole body, and found that the burning rage was good at compensating the chilly feeling. Well, somewhat. He wandered around aimlessly, just in hopes that the black sky and the black pavement would swallow him somewhere within where the bright neonlights never reached. But whenever he closed his eyes he saw Kenzo's gaze at the hallway. It wasn't hateful, it wasn't longing. Like his wasn't either. They just looked and saw into each other. Or so he felt. Who was he to say anything for Kenzo? At the moment Kenzo was driving home with his lover and would soon throw Aki in bed and do him things that were already all too familiar to Ruka. So familiar, that no lover ever compared to that. Not willingly, unless he told them or aided them to do something. What a bother. But there was one place where he had found a match for Kenzo. Well, close enough. Finally he found a course for his stroll and headed to a red-lighted street into a familiar love hotel.
"Ohh, Ruka-sama," the receptionist greeted, surprised.
Ruka was a regular customer although his visits had begun to thin out lately.
"Is he free tonight?" Ruka asked, not bothering to greet with any formalities. He knew they already knew him, his needs and who he wanted.
He was tired and frustrated and just wanted to feel other kind of pain than the one he felt inside. The receptionist nodded and checked the book.
"In a bit. Feel free to take drinks from the cabinet while you wait, Ruka-sama."
"No thanks. I don't want to be numb tonight," the drummer murmured and dragged to the sofa of the waiting cabinet.


"Ruka was so nice tonight," Aki said with a gentle voice as he softly moved his fingertips on Kenzo's bare chest.
"Uhuh," Kenzo muttered, staring at the ceiling and caressing Aki's back as the older was leaning on him in bed.
Aki moved his gaze into the drummer's eyes and pressed a soft kiss on his cheek.
"You should have been there."
"What did you do?"
"Watched porn. Drank," Aki uttered a laughter.
"Ah, figures," Kenzo sneered with an amused smile.
"And had a discussion with Ruka... about you," Aki said.
Kenzo's hand stopped stroking, and Aki could feel the drummer's whole body getting tense.
"What did you talk about?" the younger asked, coughing a little.
"Well...," Aki started playfully. "He told me to congratulate you for getting big in the music world."
"Can't do it himself, apparently," Kenzo groaned.
"I told him he should. But he said you'd punch him if he did," Aki laughed.
"Ah, he knows me too well...," Kenzo sighed with a tired smile. "Well, let's try to sleep finally. I'm so tired..."
Aki looked at his lover for a while and then nodded, reaching for the night table to shut the light. He snuggled back into Kenzo's armpit and continued gently stroking the drummer's soft skin.
Apparently Kenzo still wasn't interested in talking about Ruka. Not that it mattered that much to Aki, but it really seemed to bother him the more the other avoided the conversation.

~Here lies what is left of me. The rest is mystery. Ignore thyself.~ (Stan Rice)

Vuoden jännitys
Viestit: 495
Liittynyt: Pe Helmi 05, 2010 4:27 am

Re: Nothing you lose -NC17- ch.4/? [Nightmare, Ayabie, SID]

ViestiKirjoittaja Anraf » Ke Marras 02, 2011 10:54 pm

Chapter 4.

"You should invite Aki and Kenzo to our concert and after-party, ne~. It's been awhile, hasn't it?"
"Ah, you're right. They'd definitely love that," Hitsugi smiled at Ni-ya, who nodded with a smile.

It was so easy to manipulate people - pull just from the right strings and make the puppets dance. Ni-ya was watching with his all curiosity and excitement the play he had set up, starring Ruka, Kenzo and Aki. In the end, who would choose who? Would love conquer it all? And the biggest question: who loved the most?
"You just can't help meddling with other people's businesses, can you?" Sakito sighed and moved his chess piece forward.
"Could if I would," the bassist mused and, after pondering a little, made his move. "But don't you find it interesting too, to see what Ruka will do about it?"
"Knowing him, nothing."
"Which is exactly why needs these pushes," the blonde chuckled.
"Have you ever stopped to give it a thought how many lives you'll affect? Say, even if Kenzo would go back to Ruka, what would happen to Aki? And do you think Kenzo's and Ruka's relationship would ever be the same it was? And what about Aki's and Kenzo's friendship?" the guitarist frowned and made a move that ate one of Ni-ya's chess pieces.
"Saki, Saki...," Ni-ya shook his head gently. "You worry too much. You see, I am the man of faith. I believe in love. Love will make everything alright, make everything turn out the best for everybody. Just wait and see."
"I still think that what you do is wrong, but... I want Ruka to be happy too. He hasn't been quite himself lately. All that isolating, drinking, sleeping around... Have you seen those bruises he has?!"
"Indeed I have. Well, Ruka is a wild one, I guess. But I bet he won't ever get fully satisfied until it's his loved one that leaves those marks on his skin," Ni-ya grinned, eating Sakito's queen. "Tsk, pay attention. You don't give any challenge at this rate."
Sakito frowned as he looked at their game.
"It's because I keep thinking..."
"What is your plan? What are you plotting for the night of our concert and after-party?"
"Sounds like you got interested too about this little play of passion and jealousy," Ni-ya chuckled.
"I'm just worried...," Sakito said and lifted his gaze to meet Ni-ya's velvet look.

The bassist let his gaze wander on Sakito's cheekbones and lips that wore a faint smile. Then he lifted his gaze to look at Sakito's big, questioning eyes. The guitarist looked innocent and worried, and yet curious.
"If you want, you could help," Ni-ya said with smirk.
"Of course I could, but why would I want that?" Sakito laughed.
"Because I know you believe in love too. Think about it, Ruka looking happy and in love..."
Sakito stared at the chess board awhile and slowly began to smile wider.
"Thought so. Tempting, isn't it?" Ni-ya smiled and leaned forward on the table.
"It is... But what I'm smiling, is this...," the guitarist said and pushed Ni-ya's bishop away with his horse. "Well. Who is lacking focus now?" Sakito asked tauntingly and with a wide smile lifted his bright gaze to meet Ni-ya's.
Ni-ya became serious as he stared intensively at the guitarist. He hated to lose, but then again, losing to someone like Sakito was good, because then he could see the guitarist's beautiful smile.
"Sakito. I need your help. If you help too, it won't seem like my plotting only."
"You need a partner in crime?" Sakito commented and moved his gaze from Ni-ya, looking pondering. "I ask again: Why would I do that?"
"To feel like a better person for helping Ruka. And me," the bassist emphasised.
Sakito swallowed as he looked into Ni-ya's absorbing eyes. The blonde had such a charisma Sakito had never seen anyone else possessing. He was weak to it and yet he fought his best against it, because usually their sense of justice differed. However, giving in to one another tempted them sometimes a little too much.
"I'll see what I can do," Sakito finally said.
"No. I'll see what you can do," Ni-ya smirked as grabbed a long ignored chess piece from the board into his hand and moved it to threat Sakito's king. "Checkmate."


On the day of Nightmare's concert Aki was excited and happy. He took time to dress up properly for the theme. He even added all the piercings he tended not to wear these days. He messed his dark hair yet kept it looking styled and neat. Kenzo watched Aki's beauty ritual, amused and thrilled. Focusing on Aki's excitement and beauty made him forget about the fact that they would spend a night with Nightmare. And if Aki got too excited with drinking, sooner or later the bassist probably would hang on his neck. Kenzo wasn't sure how Ruka would react. But he tried to keep these thoughts away, as Aki had finally - after a month or so - stopped prying information about him and Ruka. He saw no reason to tell Aki about their past, and why would he? What could he say? That he had loved Ruka with all his might and had been ready to give the older everything he had? No, he could never say anything about it. And even if he'd lie it was nothing but sex, he knew how Aki would take it. Aki was sensitive like that. The bassist would start an endless comparing, pondering and speculation about his participation of ruining Kenzo's and Ruka's relationship, though he really had nothing to do with it. And even that could bother Aki too that Kenzo hadn't broke-up with Ruka for him, but because Ruka had told him to leave...
Kenzo shook the thoughts and stepped into the bathroom. He leaned on Aki's shoulder with his chin and smiled at the older through the mirror.
"You look good. Way too good."
"Too good for what?" Aki laughed.
"To let you go out for everyone to see," Kenzo smiled and tightened his grip around Aki.

Aki felt good again. Whatever little doubt he had had about Kenzo and Ruka seemed to have finally vanished, as their busy lives didn't leave too much time to think about such irrelevant things. What mattered now was that their bands were doing well and that they were doing well too. Kenzo seemed happy and it made Aki feel relieved.
However, his worries slowly began to return as he kept glancing at his lover every now and then due the gig. Kenzo seemed to be thrilled and fascinated as he stared at Ruka, who had been lifted high up on the stage with his drum set. First Aki thought it was just the feeling and the atmosphere of a gig like this, then he wondered if Kenzo just was so fascinated about the huge drums and how they were played by his senpai, but he couldn't help but feel a bit jealous about the lack of attention he got from his company. Trying to ignore these unpleasant feelings, Aki sang and jumped with the audience and proudly watched his friend Hitsugi playing awesome guitar solos on stage. When the gig finally came to an end, the merry group went out to drink in a bar, talking and playing card games up to late hours.

For some reason Ruka seemed quite relaxed and even smiled sometimes, much to everybody's surprise. Ni-ya watched the drummer with the most curiosity as he noticed Ruka and Kenzo exchanging words more than often due the evening. Would it really be that easy to get those two back together? However, Aki made sure to come and check up on Kenzo every now and then, making Ruka's smile fade a little. When the bars got closed the group still wanted to continue drinking and Ni-ya and Sakito got everybody convinced that Ruka's apartment was the best place for the after-partie's after-party. Despite Ruka's objections everybody took a taxi there and soon his house was filled with music and merry chatter.
"Going to get another tiring phonecall from the rentlord tomorrow," Ruka mumbled though he knew nobody listened or cared.
He wandered to his bedroom and loosened his shirt's collar, unbuttoning it, when suddenly his eyes noticed the chest he had left ajar as he had had a guest overnight, Makoto. The young vocalist was one of his regular partners and always up to kinky plays and bondage. Ruka grabbed the tap to shut the chest when suddenly he heard Ni-ya saying:
"I have always wondered what's in that chest."
"Nothing. For you," Ruka said and closed the dark wooden box.
"I wonder~. Let me have a look."
"Don't be so coy. I want to see your toybox. There must be some really nice equipments? Come on, I know you want to share these things with someone, and I am suitable person for that. You should know I'm into that kind of things too," the bassist smiled cunningly.
"Are you now?" Ruka asked, unimpressed and doubtful.
"Yes yes. Just a peak. Show me the things you have there."
Ruka sighed and opened the chest again. Ni-ya came to sit next to him on the floor and inspected all the belts, ropes, chains and whatever there was in the box. That truly a was treasure chest that could prove to be useful at some point of the night.

Aki sipped his drink, sitting on the couch and looking around, inspecting Ruka's decoration, as the last time he was a bit too nervous to do so - it consisted of dark colors and gothic items, such as candlesticks, grotesque paintings and... KISS's signed poster? Aki was surprised. He knew how Kenzo had fancied the band in his past, but he never could have imagined Ruka would too. He woke up from his thoughts when Sakito came to sit next to him. He exchanged smiles with the guitarist and noticed that Yomi, Hitsugi and Kenzo were still out in the balcony, smoking and talking about something. Then his gaze returned to the wall and he decided to break the silence.
"I didn't know Ruka likes KISS."
"Oh, that poster? Who knows," Sakito smiled gently. Before the gig they had used some time with Ni-ya to pry out things about Ruka's and Kenzo's past so they could just "drop" little facts here and there, innocently and accidentally. "I don't know if he does, really."
"But he has a special, signed poster on his wall."
"Yeah, but... it was a gift."
"From who?" Aki asked, realizing at that second that it was a needless question.
Who else could have had the money to buy a special, limited edition signed poster from America, if not their true fan, the rich boy Kenzo?
"If I don't misrecall, it was a gift. Why else Kenzo would have left it here?" Sakito asked with an innocent tone and sipped from his glass, glancing quickly at the younger.
Aki bit his pierced lip and nodded. Sure, of course they had gave gifts to each other. That's what seniors and juniors do, right? It didn't mean anything else. Ruka had gave Kenzo his time to aid and teach him, so Kenzo had showed his appriciation by giving his most treasured item to Ruka. Aki smiled at his conclusion, not knowing how right he was. Kenzo had indeed gave the older his most treasured thing, but it was not that poster hanging on the wall.

When Hitsugi, Kenzo and Yomi finally came from the balcony, they spread out around the apartment with no slightest intention to leave to their homes yet. Apparently Ruka wasn't expecting it either, but rather seemed intending to go somewhere himself. Kenzo noticed the older drummer putting on his jacket in the hallway, and he just couldn't resist to go and ask why and where Ruka was going.
"To the local market. Need more cigarette and booze."
Kenzo nodded and thought for a second.
"Is Lawson still there?"
"Yeah. That's where I'm going," Ruka nodded.
"Is it okay if I come with you?" Kenzo asked, hesitating a little.
Aki looked at them from the living room and tried his best to hear their conversation. Due the music he couldn't be sure what the men talked about but soon noticed Kenzo was putting his jacket on too. Just as he was about to get up and go ask about it, Hitsugi shoved some magazine under his nose, excited to show him something.
Ruka took his leather gloves and a woolen hat that used together like that made a funny contrast. Kenzo was crazy about leather, had always been, and it symbolized sex and rock to him, but then again the woolly hat looked soft and comfy and framed Ruka's beautiful face cutely along with his raven black strands, falling all the way down on the neck that was soon covered with a woolen scarf.
"Wow. I have never seen you with so many winter accessories. I thought we were just going to drop by the local store," Kenzo commented, amused, as he picked his cap from the rack and placed it on his dark tresses.
"And why do I always see you wearing too few of them? That cap won't cover your head from the wind and cold."
Kenzo gazed into Ruka's chocolate brown eyes and slowly an amused smile grew on his lips.
"Lecturing me, are you?"
"Perhaps a little," Ruka replied, smiling back lopsidedly, and put his hands into pockets as he had opened the door.

~Here lies what is left of me. The rest is mystery. Ignore thyself.~ (Stan Rice)

Vuoden jännitys
Viestit: 495
Liittynyt: Pe Helmi 05, 2010 4:27 am

Re: Nothing you lose -NC17- ch.5/? [Nightmare, Ayabie, SID]

ViestiKirjoittaja Anraf » Ke Marras 02, 2011 11:00 pm

Chapter 5.

Was it the alcohol, good gig, relaxed atmosphere or the sum of all these things, Kenzo and Ruka seemed to get along better. Ni-ya observed them more or less silently and waited for the moment when the drummers would finally start talking about drums and wander into Ruka's bedroom to look at his drum set. Meanwhile he and Sakito tried to keep Aki busy with Hitsugi and Yomi who were unaware of their plans. As expected, the two drummers who hadn't had a proper talk for ages finally got to their favourite topic and it made the others want to drink even more so they could ignore the boring topic that kept going on and on. Aki noticed Kenzo was quite tipsy already, laughing so much and gazing at Ruka admiringly.
But wasn't this what he had wanted - that those two could befriend again? Kenzo seemed so happy. As happy as he was with him. Or in a sense... happier maybe? In a way Aki couldn't explain it. He just noticed something in Kenzo's behavior and look.
"Are you up to a drinking game, Aki?" Yomi suddenly asked, waking the bassist up from his thoughts.
"Uh... Always."
"Yeah, Aki is always ready for that," Hitsugi confirmed and dealt the cards he had just mixed.
Aki glanced at Kenzo and Ruka one more time before he forced himself to focus on the game and the rules Yomi had begun to explain. He saw the drummers disappearing into kitchen or somewhere and was about to ask if they should ask them join too, but then let it slide. It was probably okay that those two could have some privacy after a long time.

"It's still as beautiful as ever," Kenzo commented from the door as the first thing he saw was the drum set by the window.
The next thing he noticed was the huge bed with crimson blanket and black pillows, with a gothic-styled headboard, usable for various things, as he vividly remembered. Immediately he moved his gaze back to the drums and stepped closer, admiring its every detail.
"It's my baby," Ruka grinned, very tipsy as well. "I have another set at our studio, and have moved there some components from that."
"Why?" Kenzo wondered, turning around and looking at the older questioningly.
"My neighbours don't appriciate the sounds it makes. That's why I can't use it properly here."
"But that's just wrong!" Kenzo shouted and laughed. "What kind of retard doesn't appriciate the sound this beauty makes...?"
The younger let his fingers glide softly on the golden plates, following down the shining bars that met the black marble-like tom-tom. Ruka had came to stand near him. Not too close but not far either. Just enough for Kenzo to find himself standing right before the taller man when he straightened up again. Ruka's expression was blank and he just looked at Kenzo. However, the older was seeing a glimpse of nostalgy in the younger's eyes. Kenzo moved his gaze away, turning around, and was just about to say something when his eyes got locked on the chair behind the drums. It was still the same leather chair Kenzo had sat on many times. No surprise that Ruka kept everything tidy and looking like new even after years. But what most caught his attention was the familiar handcuffs on the chair, the ones that had his famous signature Whatever the fuck I want. He had almost forgot about their existence and had been sure Ruka had thrown them away already. But no, there they were, like waiting... and under the circumstances they couldn't be waiting for him. Kenzo's expression turned serious and he sighed as the reality stroke him. Hard.

Ruka noticed the handcuffs too and wondered what they were doing there. He was sure he had not left them there, as he hadn't picked them up from the chest since their break-up. Then he remembered leaving Ni-ya to his bedroom when he went to the grocery store with Kenzo.
"Ni-ya," Ruka sighed and rubbed his face tiredly. He should have known the bassist was up to something.
"You don't need to explain. Glad you still find them use," Kenzo commented with a forced friendliness in his voice and smile.
Glad? Was Kenzo really glad that he'd be using such items with someone else? Ruka couldn't say he was glad for Kenzo and Aki doing it, no matter how he tried to think he just wished Kenzo the best. The jealousy and regret were strong feelings and it took hours of spanking and torture to get his mind off such matters. And although fucking with his regular partners was pleasurous, Ruka couldn't deny the fact that he missed Kenzo in his bed too. As said, only Kenzo knew what to do and how to do it right with him. Everybody else were either too scared to or lacked the certain kind of passion.
"I haven't used those," Ruka said, serious.
"Whatever," Kenzo shrugged and passed the older man, but got grabbed by his arm and pulled back.
"I tell you the truth. Ni-ya stayed here when I left to the store and he propably browsed that box..."
"And he took exactly those handcuffs out and placed them on the chair to wait for us, just like they used to wait for us back in the days?" Kenzo asked sourly.
"I know it sounds implausible, but believe me, I didn't even expect us to come partying at my place," Ruka said with assuring look.
"Well, I wasn't thinking you had left them there for me," Kenzo noted and pulled his arm off Ruka's grip.

The older drummer frowned, confused and somewhat offended. Apparently Kenzo seemed to think he valued nothing they had once shared. But it wasn't true. If only the younger knew how much he treasured their memories. Also, Kenzo seemed to think he was doing the same things with others than what he had done with him. Well, partly true, yes, but there was also some kinky plays he hadn't repeated with anyone else. And one of those things involved those handcuffs and that drum chair.
Kenzo glanced at the chair and the handcuffs despisingly once more before he turned to leave. However, again he got prevented from doing so by a firm grasp that threw and pressed him against the wardrobe doors. He looked at the taller man, first surprised, then boasting.
"Leave me be!" the younger groaned and tried his best to push Ruka away.
"No," Ruka said quietly and maintained his grip. "Not before you believe me. I'd never use those cuffs or that chair with anyone else."
"Why should I believe you?"
"Because it simply wouldn't be the same with someone else," Ruka answered honestly, his eyes closed.
He could feel Kenzo breathing hard in his grip. "It will never be the same...," he continued and softly pressed his forehead against Kenzo's.
God, how he had missed Kenzo's warmth; his scent, his presence, closeness, everything the other was and could give him. As Kenzo's breath began to calm down, Ruka found his getting heavier. Just a drink or two more and he would lose whatever little there was left of his selfcontrol and throw Kenzo on bed. That was exactly what he wanted, right now, right there, completely ignoring the fact that they weren't alone.

Kenzo looked at Ruka's closed eyelids and his fine nose and cheeks, the overall beautiful face, decorated by the whatmost kissable lips. And all that was only a few inches away from his grasp. He could so easily press kisses on Ruka's pale skin, just like before, and enjoy the warmth of his skin, moving down to his neck... But he shouldn't. He couldn't.
"You know I'm with Aki nowadays," he said silently.
"Yes, I know, all too well," Ruka sighed.
"Ruka...," Kenzo whispered with a breaking voice and closed his eyes too.
"Don't call my name. Don't whisper it like that... just... don't," the older said, his eyes still closed, and he let his grip loosen until his arms finally fell ineffectually to hang by his sides.
Pain. No beating, pinching, biting nor scratching could ever compare to this pain. He could try, and he knew he would continue trying, but he also knew it was a battle he had already lost. With Kenzo he had lost everything. The last drop of humanity in him. Then again, if he had, why didn't he kiss Kenzo now? Why did he mind about Aki or Kenzo's feelings for the bassist? Why wasn't he now the selfish, emotionless bastard he knew he was?
"Go, before I do something stupid," Ruka said with a hoarse voice.
"I don't want to," Kenzo said quietly but with a tone that proved that he still was as stubborn as ever. "I feel like I've got you back to my life. I don't want to lose you again."
"But you know that's how it goes. It always does. And that's why we..."
Kenzo frowned and clenched his hands into fists. He wanted to punch Ruka. Again. Like many times before; first for being angry and then for showing all the pain, fear and jealousy in the form of violent, rough passion that knew no limits. Something he could never do with Aki. No, Aki would not take it. He was too sensitive. Besides, Aki never evoked such feelings in Kenzo that he'd want to be that rough with the bassist. Was it good or bad, Kenzo didn't know, really.

With a frustrated snort Kenzo left Ruka to the bedroom and marched into kitchen. Aki glanced at him from the living room and noticed the younger's furious expression. Immediately he jumped up and was walking towards the kitchen, but he stopped as soon as he noticed Ruka appearing there too and saw him put his arms around the younger drummer. Kenzo turned around and answered the embrace. They stood like that for a good while, to the point where Ni-ya asked if Aki planned to come back or was actually going somewhere as they still had a game going on and were waiting for him.
"I've drank enough for tonight," Aki said, sweeping air with his hand, not ridding his gaze off the men in the kitchen.
"Now, that's a phrase I've never heard Aki say before," Hitsugi laughed.
"He has drank too much and doesn't know what he's babbling. Get back here, bassist," Ni-ya commanded.
But Aki wasn't listening anymore. All he could focus on was looking at the tender yet firm embrace of the two men who just stood still in the kitchen, looking at each other into eyes with expressions that left him ponder many questions. Not long ago Kenzo had been reluctant to anything Ruka-related activity or conversation. He had been distant and grumpy as long as Aki continued bringing up the older drummer's name. But tonight they had really seemed to enjoy partying with Nightmare. What was this now? Being apparently that close with Ruka, how could they have been so distant lately? Why Kenzo never talked about Ruka?

"Aki?" Hitsugi's voice woke Aki up from his thoughts.
He turned around to look at the guitarist but noticed the KISS poster on the wall again.
"It was a gift. Why else Kenzo would have left it here?" Aki recalled Sakito's words and realized their hidden meaning. Kenzo had spent a lot of time in this apartment, bringing his belongings here... And leaving some behind...
He felt his throat had suddenly gotten dry and his head was pounding like he had hit it somewhere. But it was actually the truth that had hit him. Well, at least the part he knew about this truth. Would he be able to handle the whole truth? As he looked at the drummers, still embracing, he realized he probably wouldn't, at least not tonight. He turned around and returned to sit on the floor.
"I changed my mind. Let's drink some more!"
"Good good, you came to your senses. Got me already worried for a sec there," Ni-ya smirked and poked Aki to his arm with his elbow.
After awhile Kenzo finally came to the living room and stopped behind Aki.
"Playing something?" he asked.
"Drinking game," Yomi explained.
"You have missed a lot of fun," Hitsugi laughed.
"But what have we missed?" Ni-ya asked, raising his eyebrow questioningly.
"An endless talk about drums that would have killed the rest of you in boredom," Kenzo smiled and shoved his hands into his jeans' pockets.
Aki looked at Kenzo, turning a little bit to see him properly, and noticed a relieved, happy face, framed by dark, wildly running tresses. Kenzo looked good, so good. As always. Aki smiled and raised his arm towards Kenzo. The younger knew it was a sign to help the other up, so he grabbed it with both hands and succeeded in pulling Aki to stand in front of him. They were almost the same height, and Kenzo's eyes were nailed into Aki's soft, pierced lips.

Noticing the younger's look, Aki didn't hesitate to press a hard, demanding kiss on the drummer's lips. After Kenzo recovered of the surprise he wrapped his arms around the bassist and answered the kiss. They could hear chortles and giggles of the Nightmare members, but neither one of them cared. For their own reasons they both needed this now. So badly, that Aki almost toppled Kenzo on the sofa as their kisses and caresses turned wilder.
"Time to go home, baby?" Kenzo asked with an amused smile and looked into Aki's eyes that for some reason, Kenzo noticed, seemed to have some sadness in them.
Aki nodded and moved his gaze from Kenzo, noticing Ruka standing in the dark hallway, apparently coming from the bathroom. The older drummer just stood there and stared at them. Whatever sense Aki still had left in his head, he managed to reason that he should show Ruka that Kenzo was his, only his. Even though they had never named their relationship, it still was obvious they were together. Everyone should know. Especially the man who looked at his Kenzo like that...
Aki kissed Kenzo again, nibbling his lips, and started roughly unbuttoning the younger's shirt. Kenzo laughed and tried to hold Aki still from the wrists.
"Not here. Wait until home. What a wild cat. If something drastic happens in the taxi, I'll send the bill to you who allowed him to drink this much. I shouldn't be the one suffering consequences," Kenzo laughed and flashed a loving smile at Aki, who looked at him with adoration but also with a hint of sorrow. Aki was like that, passionate and also sensitive when he was drunk. "Let's call a cab and go home to rest."
"Not giving you any rest tonight," Aki said, frowning, and then tried to bite Kenzo's neck again.
"Technically it's morning already, my love."
"I don't care."
"Sure sure. Let's go now," Kenzo uttered an embarrassed laughter and escorted Aki towards the hallway, asking if the bassist had his phone and wallet in his pockets and would be ready to go.

They passed Ruka, who had stepped into the living room to give space to walk and move in his narrow hallway. The drummer still kept his gaze at Kenzo and Aki, like absorbing the sight and every detail of it. It hurt, of course it hurt, to see such a performance on his couch. Someone else kissing Kenzo and ripping his clothes off. And to hear Kenzo speaking so lovingly to Aki. He was a fool for ever thinking for a second that he could get Kenzo back. It was over, so over, and he was going to demand Ni-ya to stop playing his tricks on them anymore. He wanted to let go of the past. He had to.
The pair left the apartment, leaving only the Nightmare there. Ruka wandered with a blank face to the balcony and slammed the door behind him. Thank goodness his balcony faced the other direction than where Kenzo and Aki were going. He couldn't bear any more of this, at least not now. Maybe someday, when he had hardened himself a little bit more, or intoxicated his mind with insane sex and lots of alcohol. Whatever worked, he was going to try that. After all, he had nothing to lose. Anymore.

~Here lies what is left of me. The rest is mystery. Ignore thyself.~ (Stan Rice)

Vuoden jännitys
Viestit: 495
Liittynyt: Pe Helmi 05, 2010 4:27 am

Re: Nothing you lose -NC17- ch.6/? [Nightmare, Ayabie, SID]

ViestiKirjoittaja Anraf » Ke Marras 02, 2011 11:08 pm

Chapter 6.

"Happy?" Sakito asked, not looking happy at all himself. "Ruka definitely didn't seem to like it."
"After the little show Aki put up at the end of the evening, of course not," Ni-ya murmured and shoved his hands deeper into his pockets as he fought the winter morning's chilly wind.
"Apparently your plans - whatever they were - didn't go as you expected."
"Don't say. Didn't you see how well Ruka and Kenzo got along tonight? They even hugged," the bassist chuckled.
"Even if, before Ruka threw us out of his apartment - along with all the curse words he must know - he adjured you to give up on your wicked plans," Sakito noted with a frown.
Ni-ya just laughed, tilting his head back so his blond, wild curls played softly on his shoulders.
"Ruka was truly angry, wasn't he?"
"Yes. Which, I presume, was not your intention?" Sakito said, raising his eyebrow.
"No, it wasn't. But it was still fun as hell."
"Weirdo," the guitarist sighed, shaking his head.
"Hey, Ruka was mad. And you know why? Because he was jealous about Kenzo. Being jealous means he still cares about him and wants him back," the blonde smiled.
"Uhuh... Sounds like you're nowhere near in giving up on this though Ruka asked you to."
"Correct," Ni-ya chortled. "We just have to wait patiently. The seeds we sowed tonight will start to sprout sooner or later. Just you wait. And keep your ears and eyes open for any usable information."
"Why am I doing this...?" Sakito sighed and wiped his black hair from his eyes.
Ni-ya looked at him, smiling softly and poked the guitarist with his shoulder.
"Because in the end it all will be alright. Just alright," he mused and took a deep breath of fresh air to his lungs.


Kenzo stared at the wardrobe's mirror doors as he laid on the bed, his back facing Aki who had already been sleeping for some time. As it had already been morning when they had finally got home, the daylight came brightly from the window and made the white-colored bedroom look misty like a dream. The whole night had seemed like one long dream, as he had had a lot more fun than he had had altogether lately. For a moment he had been able to forget his past, forget his heartaches, forget everything unpleasant. The time spent with Ruka had reminded him of the times they had shared before and it had made him feel better. Well, at least until he had begun to feel too good. That moment in Ruka's bedroom was... too much. He should have known better than to go there, where his most precious memories still lingered. The place where it all had started long ago when Ruka had gave him private lessons.
"In case you ever happen to wonder if I do this with my other students, I can tell you I don't. You'll always be my favourite student."
Kenzo looked at himself from the mirror - his tired eyes and messy hair. He had tugged the blanket up to his chin but still felt cold and nauseous. And it wasn't only because of the tiredness or alcohol. It was the sorrow for losing someone so important as Ruka. It was jealousy for thinking about those handcuffs and the chest full of other similar items for the plays Kenzo had thought would always remain just between them. It was guilt for missing his ex-lover though Aki was there sleeping in the same bed with him. The more he stared at himself from the mirror, the more clear it came to him that he was just a broken someone who had faced a big loss; someone, who still deep in his heart belonged to Ruka.


"Don't ever again say you'd rather continue your sleep than do this. Whatever time I call you, you come here unless you're at work. If you want our little encounters to continue, that is?"
"Yes...," Satoshi gasped, his buttocks stinging for the taken hits, save for his entrance that had felt Ruka's sexual frustration.
The vocalist was on his knees, facing the headboard of the bed on which he had been tied from wrists. He laid his head on his tied-up arms, trying to calm his breath and waiting for Ruka to continue. The drummer lit his cigarette, and as soon as he got it done, he threw the lighter on the night table and moved again to stand on his knees behind Satoshi. With his rivet leather glove he caressed Satoshi's red buttocks and back while his other hand helped his mouth to inhale the smoke. After awhile he offered the cigarette to the vocalist who opened his eyes, head still leaning on his arms, and shook his head little.
"Ah, forgot. You don't smoke," Ruka noted and brought the cigarette back to his lips.
With those words he brought up the facts that Satoshi wasn't that important that he would remember every detail about him, and also that there were other lovers who did smoke. And Satoshi was fine with it. He didn't look for a life-partner anyway. He just felt amazing being fucked by Ruka, being dominated and used by someone like that.

Ruka leaned on Satoshi's back and with his free hand started to grope and jerk the younger off. Satoshi moaned again as the sensation of leather felt nice on his cock and Ruka's hand surely knew how to touch him right, especially after the long teasing the older had performed before he had allowed Satoshi to feel pleasure too. Ruka left the cigarette hang between his lips as his other hand began to caress Satoshi's thighs. The smoke dropped ash on Satoshi's back, stinging nastily, and the younger squirmed and moaned louder. He hated cigarettes and the smell, but with Ruka it couldn't be avoided. In a sense it made their domination play even better, as he wasn't supposed to love any of it. However, in a kinky way he did. Why else would he come to Ruka's place over and over again?

"There's a new club we could go together sometime," Satoshi said abruptedly.
"A club," Ruka repeated, unimpressed.
It's not that they usually hanged together anywhere with Satoshi. Satoshi didn't even drink, as far as he knew.
"BDSM club. A gothic club. I heard from Lynch guys that it's worth a visit."
Ruka gave it a thought as he yanked the younger. Why not? It would bring some change to the normal bars he usually went to, or to that love hotel he often visited, and even to these bed plays he performed at home.
Satoshi couldn't believe his ears. He had been sure the older would reject him, but apparently Ruka was pleased with him. He closed his eyes and tried to focus again on the pleasure the drummer was giving him.
"I need something in me to come, I think," he finally said after a while.
"Well I'm already spent and way too wasted," Ruka growled and with a sigh moved to the chest and picked a vibrating dildo from there. Then he wrapped a condom around it and came back to bed. "If this won't do then be without," he murmured and put the vibrator on before he thrust it into Satoshi.
Satoshi yelled at the sudden pain and tugged the chains that kept him from moving much. Ruka moved the dildo inside of the vocalist and enjoyed every yell and moan the younger let escape from his lips. That was the best thing in Satoshi. He was so loud and that turned Ruka on. He bit Satoshi's back and shoulder and continued jerking his cock off. Not long after Satoshi finally came and buried his face into his arms, feeling tired and completely spent. He was happy that Ruka brought him to climax almost everytime they had sex. There were also times when the drummer just took what he wanted and left Satoshi without, but that was probably part of their domination play. That way Satoshi would never take the older and the pleasure for granted. And it was true. He didn't. And he wanted to keep Ruka happy in the future too.


Aki woke up slowly in the afternoon and stretched out a little. He noticed Kenzo by his side, leaning on his elbow and looking at him with a faint smile.
"Finally. Good afternoon," the drummer said softly.
"Uhh...," Aki rubbed his head and tried to wake up properly. "Howcome you're awake already? Did you sleep at all?"
"Enough," Kenzo nodded. "And I made breakfast."
"That means you haven't slept at all," Aki sighed with a smile and buried his face into pillow.
Kenzo looked at the bassist tenderly and moved the older's dark brown strands from his cheek behind the ear, revealing the wide row of shiny piercings. Softly he pressed his lips on Aki's cheek and brushed gently with his fingertips the rings in Aki's cartilage.
"You're beautiful."
Aki smiled happily and still a bit dreamy and clenched the sheets in his hands. Waking up with Kenzo and being pampered first in the morning was something he had already gotten used to since last summer. It had started pretty much like this. Drinking, sleeping in same bed, waking up to eat breakfast together and then rushing to their works. Until Kenzo had, with a fragile look and voice, whispered tender things to his ear as they had laid again side by side, things Aki found he couldn't resist. And kisses. The kisses had started by small pecks on mornings like this, until they had turned deeper, longer, more passionate. Yes, in many senses they had just drifted into this, into a relationship with one another. It was like they needed nothing else in the world but their bands and each other.

Kenzo rolled off the bed and went to the bathroom. He leaned forward above the sink, leaning on it with both hands and looked at himself from the mirror. He would make that vulnerable, Ruka-loving person inside of him quiet for good, until it was completely dead and gone. He would focus on what he had now and stop dwelling in the past. Being with Aki was good, as there was no too much expectations from either side. Aki was trustworthy, stable, and always there for him. But to be honest, Kenzo wasn't sure if their friendship could last if their love relationship ended; if Aki would find out the truth about the past...
"Aah, I'm still so tired...," Aki yawned as he entered the bathroom, stretching his arms. "Man, you look like a mess. Get back to sleep!" he laughed as he looked at Kenzo's miserabe being.
"It's okay. I just need some coffee and food, that's all," the drummer said with a small smile.
As he passed Aki, he was about to press a kiss on his cheek, but suddenly hesitated for some reason. Then he gave the older a quick peck and vanished from the door. Aki looked at the closed door and wondered if it was just him or did Kenzo really act weirdly today. However, in his condition he wasn't able to start thinking too complicated things first in the morning, so he put water running for a bath and brushed his teeth meanwhile.

Kenzo sat in the kitchen and heard the water running in bathroom. Aki was taking either a shower or bath. Though he had said the breakfast is ready, which means the coffee was too. Kenzo sighed. No matter if he woke up earlier or later than Aki, he still had to wait for him to eat breakfast together. Of course he understood the need to refresh oneself after waking up, but taking a bath was just too time-consuming... Given that Kenzo hadn't really slept almost at all, he felt tired and cranky, but he wanted to do these things with Aki to convince himself that they were happy, that he was happy. He poured coffee to his cup and sipped it while he snacked the foods from the table. As Aki didn't seem to come from the bathroom, Kenzo came to a conclusion that the older indeed had took a bath. Knowing the hangoverish bassist it would take almost forever, so Kenzo dragged into bedroom and threw himself on bed, laying on his stomach.

"You should eat something," a soft voice said and woke Kenzo up along with a gentle touch on his back.
The drummer opened his eyes slowly and saw a tender smile, framed by dark, straight hair. The man was dressed in black and wore many silver necklaces.
Ruka? Kenzo couldn't believe his eyes.
"Shinji called a moment ago and asked if I could drop by. Knowing us, it will get late. So, I probably won't come here tonight. And then we have a lot of work to do for the next couple days at the studio. But let's meet up as soon as we can, okay? Come on, wake up now and eat something. You had barely touched breakfast when I came from the bath."
Oh, Aki. Kenzo blinked tiredly.
"What time is it?"
"About six. Sleep some more once you've eat something, okay? I worry."
"Yeah yeah, thanks," Kenzo murmured against his pillow. "Have fun."
"I will," Aki smiled and ruffled Kenzo's hair before pressing a kiss on his cheek. "Laters."
"Yeah...," the drummer muttered and closed his eyes again.
"Eat!" Aki shouted from the door, laughingly, before he shut the door after him.
Kenzo rolled on his back and stared at the ceiling for a while. Then he turned to his cellphone on the night table and checked if there was any messages - from Ruka. Naturally, of course there wasn't. What had he expected? With a sigh he forced himself up and dragged into kitchen.

~Here lies what is left of me. The rest is mystery. Ignore thyself.~ (Stan Rice)

Vuoden jännitys
Viestit: 495
Liittynyt: Pe Helmi 05, 2010 4:27 am

Re: Nothing you lose -NC17- ch.7/? [Nightmare, Ayabie, SID]

ViestiKirjoittaja Anraf » Ke Marras 02, 2011 11:19 pm

Chapter 7.

"As grumpy as ever," Ni-ya noted with a smile, without really smiling. The way Ruka looked wouldn't have made anyone smile. "So, dear bandmate, surely you have sent Kenzo a mail and told him how happy you were that he came by, eh?" the bassist smirked.
Ruka lifted his gaze from the drums and stared at the blonde blankly. Sakito looked at the men from further and felt the tension rising in the studio room. Sometimes Ni-ya just didn't know when to stop. Okay, Ni-ya never did. The guitarist hoped that Yomi and Hitsugi would finally come so they could start training and avoid these kinds of conversations. Sakito wasn't sure if he worried about Ruka possibly soon attacking Ni-ya, or that he'd get pulled into the fight as he had participated in scheming with the bassist. All he knew was that he didn't want his bandmates to fight.
Ruka decided not to answer. No, he had not sent any mails nor had he received any. But in a way it made him feel relieved. At least Kenzo didn't seem to expect anything from him altough they had made peace and even embraced... Now it was easier to leave it all behind... Ruka knew such thoughts were nothing but self-deceiving, but there was no other choice but to try and believe in them.

"I have heard from my sources that SID is going to be pretty busy with their new album and all. Kenzo would be more than often available for a drink or two," Ni-ya continued, certain gleam in his eyes.
"But isn't Ayabie going to be busy too?" Sakito noted.
"Even if, they still can't be together with Aki for their busy schedules," the bassist grinned.
"Will you two just stop?" Ruka finally said, staring at his drums. "Just... shut the fuck up, okay?"
The bassist and the guitarist turned to look at the drummer, who lifted his gaze slowly and looked at them intensively and serious. Only now they noticed Ruka's lip had a nasty bruise in it and so did some other parts of his face, although he had apparently tried to cover them with a quick make-up and his hair that fell neatly on his face.
"The fuck...?" Ni-ya blurted. "You've been in a street fight?"
Ruka sighed and lowered his gaze again, feeling a little embarrassed, but only a little. He was a weird, loathsome creature, who loved pain as much as he hated it. Any "normal" person could never understand that.
"Ni-ya," Sakito said quietly, creating a significant glance at the bassist.
"Jesus, don't tell me you go get beaten up so you'd forget about Kenzo? That's the most retarded thing anyone could do in your situation," Ni-ya stormed, seemingly worried about his bandmate.
"It's none of your concern," Ruka replied tiredly.

Sometimes it surprised him how intuitive Ni-ya was, always on track and noticing such things. However, this was a matter he didn't want anyone to put their nose in. The least the unexpectedly acting bassist, who practically always ignored the no's of the other people.
"It is my concern if you go somewhere to get beaten up. You're supposed be able to sit, play, compose. Don't forget who you are, Ruka."
The drummer sighed again and stretched his arms and back that were still sore from last night. Okay, from the whole week. The club Satoshi had recommended had proved to be a good place. Also, it was located near the love hotel he used to go to when he wanted to be the submissive one. The man he went to meet there knew what he wanted and would never hold back. Not even when Ruka asked for harder beats. But still he hungered for more. But what he actually missed and longed for was the painful yet pleasurous sensation when after a smack his sore lips felt a soft brush of other pair of lips, kissing him sweetly, breathing abruptedly, and the other person looking at him into eyes in a way that spoke of belonging to him. Kenzo...
The drummer frowned and started a relaxed comp that little by little turned harder and faster. Sakito and Ni-ya glanced at each other and knew Ruka was not going to listen any word they'd say.


Aki sighed deep. Kenzo didn't seem to be excited about anything anymore, the least seeing him. Sure, they still met when they could and sometimes spent nights at each other's house, but some kind of sparkle was missing. He may not be the brightest man there was in the world, but it didn't require too much math to calculate when it all had started. After the embracing incident at Ruka's house, Aki had tried with better luck to pry information about the drummers' common past, but Kenzo would everytime change the topic immediately and look irritated. Apparently there was something he didn't want Aki to know. Something... that haunted the younger. It pained Aki that Kenzo didn't talk to him. More than as a lover, it pained him as a friend, best friend, what he supposedly still was to Kenzo.
"I haven't seen you for few days. Why can't we come there tonight?"
"You can," Kenzo sighed, resigned, "but I really wouldn't want other people to come..."
"But you know Mao, he doesn't want to bring people to his home," Aki tried to say.
"Why my house?"
"Well, so I could be with you. You made clear you are not going anywhere tonight, not even to my place, so..."
"We can see some other day then, right?" Kenzo said.
Aki frowned. This was exactly how it had been on the last couple of weeks. Kenzo seemed to be slipping away and he could only sit and watch him doing so.
"You don't have to socialize if you don't want to. Play your PSP or do whatever, but let us come there for a couple of hours and let me stay for the night," Aki asked with a soft voice.
He could hear Kenzo sighing again, but in a way that Aki knew the younger was going to give in. He smiled and knew to expect the words he soon heard.
"Fine. But only for a couple of hours. And everyone will clean up their own mess, got it?"
"Got it!" Aki laughed and ended the call.
He would not give up on Kenzo. And the younger would sooner or later tell him the truth about the past. He deserved the truth. He had gave the drummer his body and heart; the least Kenzo could do was to be honest with him.

Kenzo's evening went by, first alone and then listening to the loud babbling of Mao, Aki, Satoshi and Ryuuji. The men were playing cards in the kitchen, but Kenzo could still hear them to the living room where he lied on the couch, playing his game consol. He wasn't in a mood for card games and the socializing it involved. He had been busy with his band and just wanted to rest on his days off. He felt like he needed a break from the rest of the world. He felt the same anxiousness he had felt years ago when he had tried really hard to find a direction and reason for his life. Then he had drifted into music world due the inspiration from his favourite bands and there he was now - in one of the most popular bands in Japan. And still he felt the life wasn't meaningful and pleasant enough. Kenzo hoped it was just a passing season, some winter depression or whatever it was; he had read about something like that from the magazines. People would have depressing seasons, but it would eventually go away. He hoped this one would too, and that Aki would stay by his side through it.

"Satoshi. I have watched all night you grinning like that," Mao noted. "Care to share us what's so amusing?"
"Life is," the younger vocalist replied with a laughter.
"Mine isn't. So I listen more than willingly when the other people tell about their fancy lives," the blonde vocalist said and laid his card on the table, then moving his gaze at the darker man.
Satoshi glanced him back and bit his lip.
"Not going to tell? Very well. I'll find out sooner or later anyway. Either from you or eventually from someone else," Mao commented calmly.
"He will. Believe me, I know him the best," Aki laughed and put his card on top of Mao's.
Ryuuji just focused on the game without participating to this conversation - much to Kenzo's pleasure, as ZORO's vocalist could sometimes be way too talkative to his tastes.
"I've just... hanged out more often," Satoshi said cheerfully.
"And...?" Mao pried, knowing that couldn't be the only reason for such smirks.
"I feel good. I've met people with whom I can be... me."
"That's good," Mao said proudly. He was always happy when his juniors were doing well.
"I know the feeling," Aki smiled. "I feel the same way with Kenzo. He tolerates my drinking and latecoming, for example."
The men laughed, and Kenzo smiled a little on his couch. That was true, he allowed Aki to be exactly what he was. Of course sometimes he asked the bassist to clean up his messes or minded him to pity his floors and stop dripping water or food on them, but overall he tolerated Aki's habits. He wasn't perfect either. No, everything but that. Now that he thought about it, was he able to be what he really was with Aki? Like, their sex was good, but it was different from that with Ruka. Then again, Kenzo felt that he had changed along the years and that even on his last times with Ruka he hadn't been that rough than what he had been when he was younger and restless, insecure and overall lost. He had changed, matured, for the guidance and love of the older drummer. Kenzo snorted out loud. Again that cursed word. Love.
"Ruka... will you always love me?" Kenzo asked, trying to calm his breath, his arms wrapped on Ruka's neck. His lips nibbled softly the sweaty and hot skin of the older, who embraced him tight against his chest.
"I don't know what love is... I don't know if I can feel it, or if this is it and I just don't realize it," Ruka said with a tender tone.

But that had been enough for Kenzo, because he knew Ruka loved him, even if the older man couldn't express his emotions in any words. What they shared was special, one of a kind, and they could synchronize and understand each other even without words. It was love. Or so Kenzo had believed until he had got discarded, just like that. He hadn't even tried to tie Ruka down anyhow or demand anything from the older. Why had Ruka suffocated so much that he had chose to let go of what they had? He would never understand, he would never know.

That term woke Kenzo up from his thoughts. He heard it from the kitchen, spoken by the dark vocalist. Apparently the vocalist's companions were as surprised as he was in the living room.
"Yeah. Don't look at me like that. It's not as bad as you think," Satoshi laughed, embarrassed.
"It's not bad?!" Ryuuji uttered a doubtful laughter. "Do you give or take?"
"Ryuu!" Aki laughed coily.
"Just asking. I'm curious," Ryuuji replied.
"Give. But I have a dream I could someday take him," Satoshi laughed.
"Him," Mao repeated with a significant, curious tone.
"Uu, sounds like a relationship," Ryuuji mused.
"Sounds like that to me too," Aki grinned and inspected Satoshi with a curious gaze.
"No no, it's not like that. We just go to that club together sometimes or do it at his place," Satoshi smiled mysteriously.
"Hmm. An open relationship?" Mao asked.
"No, it's not a relationship. I don't want relationships, and I doubt he wants either. He has other partners too."
"Dominative people usually do," Mao said knowingly, but blushed a little as the curious gazes turned at him instead. "Anyway, who is this mysterious sex partner of yours?" he asked quickly before anyone would direct questions at him.
"I don't know if I can tell," Satoshi said.
"Of course you can. As I said, I will find out anyway if I want to," Mao said cunningly.
"Well... don't laugh," Satoshi said glancing at Ryuuji. "It's Nightmare's Ruka."
Ryuuji bursted into laughter almost immediately and wrapped his arms around his slim body as he was laughing so hard.
"Come on, Satoshi! Wow. You went and hooked up with Nightmare's Ruka?!" the blonde marveled.
"Uh, yeah?" Satoshi said, confused and embarrassed.
"I just... wow. It must be amazing. He must be a BDSM god or something," Ryuuji said, and Satoshi realized the other vocalist didn't think he was weird, but admired him instead.
Satoshi smiled and turned now his gaze at Mao, who looked at him his eyes wide open and Aki, who seemed to be even more shocked.
"What...?" Satoshi mumbled, sinking down in his chair.
"Nothing. Congratulations," Mao said. "You can still walk?"
"Mao!" the dark vocalist laughed.
"Just curious. He seems like a person who'd be very good at it. Very wild. But if you like it, then..."
"Yeah, I like it," Satoshi smiled.
"Then that's all that matters," Mao smiled softly.

Aki didn't know what to say or how to say it. Of course he had heard from Hitsugi that his bandmates - including the guitarist himself - liked all kinds of pervy things and roughness, but for Ruka to be like that... Aki had never thought about it until now. Even Aki liked that his partner knew what to do and how to do it well and with confidence, but BDSM was something he always considered to be too much. Well, at least he could never imagine Kenzo punching or spanking him or vice versa. Then how come Kenzo had been a friend with someone like that - even worse: a junior to someone like that? Or was that the exact thing that had parted their ways? Aki found again more questions to ask, knowing Kenzo probably still wouldn't tell him, but he'd keep trying. But he also felt relieved now. If Ruka had other partners and saw Satoshi regularly on his free time, perhaps the drummer wasn't after Aki's drummer. Hopefully.
"Excuse me," Aki said with an apologetic smile and got up to walk to the living room.
He wanted to check if Kenzo had heard the conversation, but apparently the drummer had vanished from the couch. Aki walked to the bedroom but the younger wasn't there either. He noticed the bathroom door was locked and gently knocked the door.
"Are you okay?"
"Of course I am. Why?" Kenzo asked after a short while.
"Just checking... Did you happen to hear our conversation?"
"Aki," the drummer said strictly and kept a short pause. "Let's talk about it later," he finally sighed.
"Okay," Aki replied.
Apparently Kenzo had heard it, and finally promised to talk about it with him. Aki was more than glad of that and he walked back to the kitchen where the other musicians had already changed the subject.

However, when the guests left Aki noticed Kenzo wasn't willing to talk about it after all. The drummer just groaned and mumbled something reluctantly and watched Aki cleaning the kitchen. When the bassist finished, Kenzo walked to him and kissed him passionately. No one would say no to kisses like that. So Aki saved the conversation and pressuring again for later and enjoyed of the sure, passionate tokens of affection Kenzo drowned him to that night - and the night after, and so on, for the next couple of weeks. Seemed like all they did was sex, no talk. Well, at least he didn't need to worry about Kenzo not wanting him anymore, but now he had got really worried about the silence between them.

"This can't go on like this," Aki said one night, taking off Kenzo's arms that were wrapped around his neck, as the drummer once again tried to avoid the conversation by kisses.
"What? What's wrong?"
"That's what I'd like to ask!" Aki shouted, seemingly frustrated.
"Why do you shout?" Kenzo sneered and looked at the older questioningly.
"Because I don't know anymore what to do with you!" Aki said and turned around.
"Well I'd know, but apparently you're not in a mood for it," Kenzo commented and crossed his arms, sitting down on the edge of his bed.
"Exactly. That's all you do with me these days! Sex sex and sex."
"Okay... And that's bad, because...?"
"Where's my best friend with whom I could share anything that happens to bother?" Aki asked, frowning.
"Is something bothering you, then? Of course you can talk about it."
"Me?! I'm talking about you!"
"Aki, keep your voice down. I don't like shouting. You know that."
"I know nothing about you," the bassist snorted. "You have changed. Seems like you're running from something. Why can't you just face it and let me help you with it?"
"I don't need any help," Kenzo replied.
"You want to know what bothers me, Kenzo? You really do?" Aki frowned.
"Do tell."
"You! If you can't talk to me normally and answer to my questions, what's the point in any of this, in us?"
"I don't know what point there is in anything," Kenzo said bluntly and sighed.

Aki couldn't believe his ears. Was Kenzo willing to break-up with him?
"I want to know about you and Ruka."
"Everything. Did something happen between you? No, I know something happened. What is it?"
"Why does this concern you so much that week after week you keep asking about it?" Kenzo asked, lifting his questioning gaze at the older.
Aki stared back with more serious look than Kenzo had ever seen on Aki.
"Tell me or I'll walk away."
"What?" Kenzo uttered in disbelief.
"I mean it. I'm tired of this hiding and running of yours. Speak now when you still have a chance," Aki frowned, hands on his hips.
Kenzo looked at the man tiredly and finally sighed.
"Good night, Aki."
Aki gasped a couple of times, unable to find words. He clenched his hands into fists, wanting to break something. He saw it was best to really go, so he turned around and marched out of the bedroom and the whole apartment. Kenzo glanced after him, sadness in his eyes. He had feared this, and in a way he had hoped it too. He felt like somekind of humanwreck, and it wasn't right that Aki had to put up with someone like that. Aki deserved better. Aki deserved love...

Kenzo sighed and ran after Aki. He saw the other standing in the traffic lights, staring apathetically down. Kenzo placed his hand on Aki's back and made the bassist lift his gaze.
"Where's your coat...?" Aki asked with a breaking voice.
"I don't give a fuck about my coat if I'm losing you," Kenzo said and pulled Aki into his embrace.
"I feel like I'm losing you..."
"No, you won't. I won't let that happen. Please, Aki, forget about Ruka. There's nothing between us and never has been. You don't have to worry about anything."
"Then why do you avoid talking about it?" Aki asked and looked at Kenzo with big, sad eyes that made the drummer's heart race.
Gosh, he just wanted to close Aki in his embrace and forget about everything in the past.
"So you'd finally let go of it. There's no reason to talk about it, as there's nothing to talk about. I've just been tired lately, that's all. It's just a season. It will go away, I promise."
"You promise there's nothing I should know? That you don't have any secret past with Ruka?"
Kenzo looked at Aki and finally gave a nod.
"Nothing. Now, let's go back home. It's cold..."
"Kenzo?" Aki asked as they walked back to Kenzo's apartment.
"Am I still your best friend to whom you can talk whenever you need someone?"
"Always," Kenzo smiled softly and pulled Aki closer to himself into his armpit.

~Here lies what is left of me. The rest is mystery. Ignore thyself.~ (Stan Rice)

Vuoden jännitys
Viestit: 495
Liittynyt: Pe Helmi 05, 2010 4:27 am

Re: Nothing you lose -NC17- ch.8/? [Nightmare, Ayabie, SID]

ViestiKirjoittaja Anraf » Su Marras 06, 2011 2:33 am

Chapter 8.

Ruka frowned as he looked at the sofa where Aki and Kenzo sat side by side, drinking and laughing. Ni-ya had set another trap for him. If he had known the bassist had invited those two to his party, he probably wouldn't have came. Or at least he hadn't brought Satoshi with him. The vocalist by his side seemed happy to see Aki and his other friends there. Satoshi hurried to greet everyone and cheerfully joined the running conversations. Ruka wiped the black strand from his face, feeling a bit uneasy as Kenzo was suddenly staring at him intensively. Ruka took off his jacket then headed into kitchen where Ni-ya was breaking a big ice cube.
"Why do you still do this?" he asked.
"Do what?" The bassist smiled innocently.
His blond, curlish hair that barely landed on his shoulders would have made him look angelically innocent, but Ruka knew that behind that look lied a scheming nature that was like a devil, giving him thoughts and feelings he tried to resist, and giving him opportunities to fall for the temptations that were constantly laid in front of him.
"Try to enjoy of your evening. Yomi said he even raided some of your DVD's so we can watch them here. He seems to like your porn collection," Ni-ya chuckled.
"Who wouldn't?" Ruka shrugged and turned around back to the living room.
He found Satoshi sitting on the floor with some other people, tasting everyone's drinks. Ever since they started hanging out in public, the younger had begun to act less cautiously around him and sometimes acted like they were a pair. Ruka wasn't sure himself why he allowed the younger do so and follow him everywhere, but he didn't bother to mind about it either. At least he had someone near him whenever he felt like having a quick fuck.

As Ruka approached them, Aki leaned closer to Kenzo, like instinctly, and began to inspect the drummers' expressions and exchange of glances. Kenzo laid his arm on Aki's shoulder, pulling the bassist into his armpit. Ruka sneered and wandered around until he found a place to sit at. He tried his best not to look at Kenzo nor Aki while he talked with the others. The older's ignorance irritated Kenzo, just as it irritated him that nowadays Ruka seemed to hang around with Satoshi. He, on the other hand, had been like somekind of secret, only seeing the older at his home, in his bedroom, not in any clubs or parties or anywhere. That's why nobody had even known about them. And he was mad about it, so mad, that he wanted to show Ruka that the older meant him absolutely nothing anymore, if ever even had.
Kenzo took Aki's chin and turned the bassist to look at him. He smiled mischievously and pressed his lips on Aki's, making some of the people quiet and just stare at them - Yomi being one of them.
"Wah... Come on. Now I want to watch porn again," the vocalist moaned and shook his head.
"You and your porn," Hitsugi laughed.
"Porn is a very beautiful thing," Yomi justified his preference and turned to the pile of DVD's he had placed waiting next to Ni-ya's home theater set. "Who dares to disagree?"
"Oh, porn?" Satoshi laughed. "I'm in. Let's watch it," the younger vocalist laughed.
"That's the spirit," Yomi smiled and browsed the pile.

Then suddenly the vocalist remembered he was actually supposed to go fill his glass, so he shoved the DVD's onto Sakito's arms as the guitarist happened to be sitting near him on the floor.
"You pick something to watch," Yomi said and left the confused guitarist look at the pile on his lap.
Ni-ya stood by the doorpost between the living room and the kitchen and noticed Satoshi was all curled up next to Ruka, almost snuggling him. The bassist's eyes narrowed and he stopped Yomi who was just passing him.
"Are those two now officially together?"
"Who? Ruka and Satoshi? I don't know."
"Of us all, you are the closest with Ruka. You should know," Ni-ya frowned.
"He hasn't said they are... I don't really know what's the thing between them. I guess they just have became good friends," Yomi shrugged, glancing again at Ruka and Satoshi, and then entered the kitchen, Ni-ya following him.
"As good as he was with Kenzo?"
Yomi lowered his gaze and was quiet for a while.
"I don't know."
"But you do know about their past, Ruka's and Kenzo's, don't you?" Ni-ya said significally.
"Of course. Something. But isn't it over, though? Kenzo is with Aki now," Yomi said and looked at the bassist with questioning eyes.
"Is it really over? Who knows. We'll see. I have a hunch it's not."
"You and your hunches," the vocalist smiled chidingly and shook his head.
"They're usually right," Ni-ya noted.

Sakito seemed confused as he browsed the different DVD's in his hands. He looked a long time at one particularly and then glanced at Ruka and then Kenzo, pondering something. Then he continued browsing the lids and finally, with a sigh, put one DVD to play.
"Ahh, Ruka's quality porn," Ni-ya said as he entered the living room again, making the others utter laughters.
Ruka seemed calm, and even smiled lopsidedly. That was the largest and most genuine smile for many weeks or actually months, although it barely could be called a smile now either. The bassist sighed and shook his head. Both, Ruka and Kenzo, being with their lovers here, it seemed impossible to get those two to get closer. Then again, there was a possibility that sooner or later somekind of game of jealousy would begin. That could prove to be useful too. He shrugged to himself and decided to just wait and drink.

Kenzo watched from the corner of his eye how Satoshi's hand brushed Ruka's thigh and tried imperceptibly to reach his groins. Didn't the vocalist feel any shame? Okay, perhaps all the drinks the younger had consumed along the night had something to do with such shameless actions, but it still wasn't the right place to perform such things. Even he didn't do that with Aki. Perhaps he should... And since when had the Girugamesh vocalist began to drink, anyway? Kenzo had never seen him drunk in the parties or anywhere. Aki noticed Kenzo's glances towards the other couch and sighed quietly. It would apparently always be like this. There was something between Ruka and Kenzo, and their behavior just didn't seem normal to him.
Sakito was happy when the so called movie ended and he was able to start a conversation with Ruka who sat next to him on the sofa. They started to talk about something quite passionately, Ruka looking suddenly more relaxed and even smiling a little wider again. Perhaps it was the alcohol or the topic. Ni-ya inspected them and chuckled to himself as he trusted Sakito to continue their good work. His thoughts got interrupted when Kenzo passed him by and entered the kitchen to fill his glass.

"Is there more ice?" the drummer asked, as the ice bowl was already empty, save for the melted water on the bottom.
"Sorry, no."
The people had drank a lot due the evening and had used all the ice already. The bassist smiled apologetically and inspected the younger.
"Enjoying of the party?"
"I guess. But why is there always porn?" Kenzo asked with a small laughter.
"Surely you don't mind?" Ni-ya noted with a faint grin. "Well, ask Yomi why. Besides, those DVD's are Ruka's."
"I know," the drummer mumbled as he filled his glass and tried to keep his expression calm.
"Ruka is the most mysterious one of us. Never can tell what he really thinks or feels."
"I know that too," Kenzo sighed again, not really caring if Ni-ya heard him or not.
"He's also very sexual, but surely you know that as well," the bassist chuckled.
Kenzo lifted his gaze at the older, not knowing what to say.
"Seems like nowadays he puts all his frustration into BDSM things. Like it would help him escape his feelings," Ni-ya hemmed. "Then again, I think that if even those hits he takes still won't make him get it, he might be a lost case indeed. Or he needs someone certain to hit him the hardest."
Kenzo wasn't sure at all what the bassist talked about. Ni-ya was like that when he was drunk; he babbled all sorts of things and mused riddles, confusing other people who had no slightest clue what he could mean with his ramblings. And that was the case now as well. Kenzo just shrugged and came back to the living room, noticing Ruka gazing at him.

Suddenly it felt like the time had stopped. Kenzo just stared at Ruka's expression that seemed vulnerable and his lips that were pouting again. Kenzo actually liked Ruka's all expressions - when the older laughed or when he pouted like that, and everything in between. But he had to admit he missed Ruka's laughter. He missed his own laughter too - the genuine one. And then the reality stroke him hard again: Satoshi, drunker than ever, was laughing at something and nibbled Ruka's ear. And not only that; the younger put his hand on Ruka's bulge and the drummer placed his arm around the vocalist. It took Kenzo only a few seconds to decide what to do. He strode to Aki on the other couch, and before the bassist was able to ask or say anything, he placed his lips on Aki's and slid his fingers among the older's auburn hair. Aki gasped abruptedly, but smiled then. Kenzo kissing him like that, in front of Ruka... it lifted his doubts and worries for a fleeting second - until he wondered if it was just a show-off for the older drummer. Aki hated that he still was so suspicious. Kenzo had, after all, promised him that he had nothing to worry about and that there had never been anything between him and Ruka. If there was no trust, there was nothing. With these thoughts he shut the doubtful voice inside of him and answered the kiss, lifting his hand gently on Kenzo's cheek.

At the same time on the other couch Ruka had took Satoshi's lips between his, making the people around them surprised. Yomi, especially.
"Look what you did," Hitsugi laughed, clearly tipsy. "Now there's an orgy going on in here. I want to kiss too~," he said and approached the vocalist with jutted lips.
Yomi uttered an embarrassed laughter and lifted his hand to keep the lovelorn guitarist further. Sakito glanced at Ni-ya with wide, questioning eyes and shook his head a little. Ni-ya didn't look satisfied at all, standing there, his arms crossed, and inspecting the play that didn't seem to go by the script.
"Ruka," the bassist finally said. "Can I have a word with you?"
The drummer looked at the man who stood by the doorpost and with a nod got up from the couch, stretching his tall and slender body that Kenzo couldn't ignore as he stood almost in front of the younger. Then Ruka walked to the kitchen where Ni-ya leaned on the kitchen sink, looking at him intensively.
"Nice new puppy you have there," the bassist commented sarcastically.
"And what a nice shade of bitch you have tonight~," Ruka talked back, lifting his eyebrow questioningly. "Seriously, Ni-ya, what's your problem? Why can't you let me make my own choices?"
"Why Satoshi? Why not the man you really want?" the blonde frowned.
"You sound like a broken record. I have told you already many times that I don't want him anymore."
"I've known you for years. I know when you lie, even when you may not know it yourself," Ni-ya grunted.
"It's not a lie."
"I think it is," Sakito said softly, having suddenly appeared to stand behind the drummer. "You still have stuff that reminds you of him."
"Of course. If I'd want to erase everything reminding of him, I'd have to throw away also my bed, drums, couch, everything," Ruka noted, turning to look at the guitarist.
"I'm not talking about those things."
"Then what?" Ruka asked, clearly getting heated up for the pressure from his bandmates. "What is it exactly that you want me to do? Go and break their relationship?"
"Is that what's stopping you?" Ni-ya asked, raising his eyebrows curiously.
"Among some other things, yeah."
"So... No Aki, no problem...," the bassist pondered out loud.
"One day I accidentally happened to eavesdrop when Hitsugi spoke on the phone with Aki. It sounded like Aki and Kenzo were going through some huge issues that made them almost break up," Sakito said carefully. "Of course Hitsugi encouraged him to hang on and try to work it out with Kenzo, but I got the impression it was pretty serious. In that case, maybe them breaking up is actually a matter of time," the guitarist continued with a gentle voice.
"What? So I should just go and give them the final push?" Ruka asked, irritated and a little surprised even.
"Don't say you don't want it. I know you have thought about it. Testing, how their relationship would last if Aki knew the truth, or if you kissed Kenzo," Ni-ya said with a mischievous smile.

Ruka seemed even more appalled and turned to look at Sakito again.
"You, too, think that I should just go between them?"
"Do you love Kenzo?" Sakito asked.
"What does it matter?" Ruka mumbled, lowering his gaze.
"That is the dilemma," Ni-ya smiled knowingly. "If you love him, you want to be with him, but you also just want him to be happy. So what do you choose to do about it? And no, going to BDSM clubs with your new puppy is not the right answer."
"Could it be possible that you finally showed Kenzo your love without expecting anything in return and then let him decide?" Sakito aided gently.
"You two drive me mad. Insane," Ruka growled, clenching his hands into fists. "Leave me be. Leave him be. Leave all of us be!"
"Ruka... You have nothing to lose if you tell him honestly how you feel," Sakito said.
Ruka approached him, being only a few inches away from the guitarist's face. Suddenly the drummer didn't seem angry or frustrated anymore, but smiled instead.
"Dear Sakito, I don't know how I feel, so how could I tell him anything? And you're right, I have nothing to lose. I have already lost everything."
"The pervy plays with your puppy still isn't an answer to that!" Ni-ya shouted after Ruka who passed Sakito and left the kitchen.

As the men were left alone together, they just looked at each other, shaking their heads in silence.
"This doesn't work at all. We just make Ruka more estranged from us," Sakito sighed.
"Disasterous. How can he be so stubborn? How can he refuse to see that Kenzo only uses Aki to make him jealous? Ridiculous," Ni-ya growled.
"Could be... I've seen the glances they exchange with Ruka. If only Aki was out of the picture...," the guitarist pondered until he noticed Ni-ya's smirk. "Don't look at me like that. Of course I don't want to cause a break-up for anyone, but in the light of all these things... Aki and Kenzo not doing so well, and Ruka and Kenzo still having feelings for each other... Maybe we shouldn't give up yet?"
"Go on," Ni-ya said with curiousness and moved closer to the guitarist. "It starts to sound good."
"Well... Could be that I found a way to make Aki see the truth without anyone else showing it to him. He will find it out himself."
"Tell me more, my angel," Ni-ya said, smiling mischievously, and wiped gently the guitarist's golden brown hair from his face.
Sakito swallowed, trying to collect his thoughts back together. He coughed a little and moistened his dry lips with the tip of his tongue, Ni-ya watching the performance with an intense, rather lustful gaze.
"There are DVD's... Such as this," he said, pulling a small CD lid from the pocket of his vest.
Ni-ya snapped out of his lustful dreaming and looked at the white lids in Sakito's hand. He took it into his and looked at the cover, a name written on it with black marker pen.
"Kenzo...," Ni-ya read.
"It was between the DVD's Yomi brought here. It must contain something related to those films."
"And we're supposed to make Aki see this?"
"Well, I had a chat with Ruka, talking casually about playing, teaching younger musicians and so on, asking him how to make my students memorize the advices I give them. I tried to lead the conversation to find out something useful about his relationship with Kenzo. Then he told me that his best method has been recording the lessons he gives to his juniors and giving them a copy of it so they can watch it at home while they practise. Then I realized the connection with this," Sakito explained and tapped the lids in Ni-ya's hands.

The men exchanged smiles and Ni-ya seemed already a lot happier than a moment ago.
"You really are an angel."
"No, now I feel like a devil," the guitarist laughed, embarrassed by the admiring gaze of the other. "Anyway, there must be copies he has given to Kenzo too, and they can probably still be found from somewhere in Kenzo's apartment."
"Now Aki only has to find them," Ni-ya continued. "Could you hint him about it?" he asked.
"I'll try," Sakito smiled, happy that they seemed to think the same way and understand each other so well. "You could distract Kenzo meanwhile. Ask him for a cigarette or something so Aki will be left alone. Well, as alone as possible," the guitarist sighed as he glanced into the living room where so many other people talked with Aki too.
"You want Aki's full attention and trust? Then give him this," Ni-ya said and grabbed a bottle of fine wine from the wine stand.
"Oh... You're ready to sacrify this?"
"It's just wine, Saki. We can buy a better one later when we celebrate our achievements," Ni-ya grinned.
The guitarist smiled back and vanished to the living room, Ni-ya soon following after him and asking Kenzo to come join a cigarette with him.

Sakito didn't need to persuade Aki much to take the wine, as the younger already seemed to be somehow puzzled, intoxicated and in need of something stronger than beer. After a couple of glasses they moved to Ni-ya's bedroom and sat on the bed.
The bassist started to rant about the difficulty of combining love and friendship, then he complained about them having busy schedules that prevented them to see more often although all they would have really needed was some time together to solve their problems, and then finally he opened up about the late troubles in their relationship, caused by the mysterious and unexplained behavior of the drummer.
Sakito listened to the younger with widened eyes. Aki was really talkative when drunk, and sentimental, even. The bassist confessed these things with a soft, breaking voice and nearly teary eyes, making Sakito feel sorry for him. Apparently their relationship indeed wasn't in a good condition although to many it may have seemed it was. Deep inside Aki was suffering and going through these things alone. As an angel of mercy, Sakito decided that under the circumstances it wasn't so cruel to meddle, after all.

"I know he must feel offended for your doubts, but if he acts like he was hiding something, then I guess you have no other choice but to find out about the truth yourself."
"I have tried, but everyone says they know nothing. And I can't get anything out of Kenzo either. He claims there has never been anything between him and Ruka."
"Is that so...? Well, in that case he should be perfectly fine with it if you looked around once more and got a confirmation of him being either guilty or innocent," Sakito smiled gently.
"Look around... But where?" Aki sighed, staring at his palms on his lap.
"Well, it was the drums that connected those two. All their memories must involve them. So browse everything music and drum-related stuff in his house. You said he's going to be busy now again when you are not. It means you have time," the guitarist nodded with encouraging smile.
"But... isn't that wrong? I mean, if there's no trust, there's no love, right?" Aki noted silently.
"Isn't it quite obvious he's lying to you at some point? You'll just make the final check if he's really trustworthy or not, that's all~."
"Yeah... You're right. It can't be a bad thing. I just want to know he's telling the truth. And If there's any evidence proving he lies to me, I'll find it!" Aki laughed.
"Yeah. Off to it, detective," the guitarist smiled and Aki stood up and walked to the door.
The bassist turned around and grinned at the older, lifting his thumb up before he left.

~Here lies what is left of me. The rest is mystery. Ignore thyself.~ (Stan Rice)

Vuoden jännitys
Viestit: 495
Liittynyt: Pe Helmi 05, 2010 4:27 am

Re: Nothing you lose -NC17- ch.9/? [Nightmare, Ayabie, SID]

ViestiKirjoittaja Anraf » Su Marras 06, 2011 4:02 am

Chapter 9.

Kenzo slid his hand along Aki's thigh and thrusted deeper into him. His other hand tugged the auburn hair gently and bent Aki's neck to the side so his lips could kiss and nibble the delicate skin. Aki sighed and moaned in pleasure and pressed his nails into Kenzo's back, sliding them down, leaving soft, red marks on it. That was just about how rough they'd ever get in their sex, and it was enough for both of them.
After reaching their climax, Kenzo caressed Aki's face and smiled at him gently. He could be with Aki forever like this. Encountering this sensation he understood Ruka more than well, though last night he had cursed the man and his vocalist lover to the lowest hell there was. But after all, who was he to judge Ruka? He, too, had turned to Aki in hopes of somekind of salvation that would him from his misery and loneliness. And then those random encounters with Aki had turned to something else... Was that the case with Ruka and Satoshi too?

"See you after three days. I hope you get some composing done meanwhile," Kenzo said with a soft smile and kissed Aki's cheek before he left.
Aki stood in Kenzo's hallway, stroking his arm gently, puzzled by the last night and its conversations and also for the awesome sex they had had before falling asleep and right after they had woken up. The last night had indeed turned out like somekind of orgy, and finally Ni-ya had informed everyone that they should leave for their own homes to make out. And so they had with Kenzo too. And it had been amazing. Not doing it just for doing, but because Kenzo seemed to want him, need him, not getting enough of him. It made Aki now think that maybe he should, after all, give up on those thoughts about Ruka. There was no reason to blame Kenzo of something he hadn't even done.

Aki looked at the drums in the living room. What evidence was he supposed to find from drums, anyway? Kenzo kept everything clean and tidy like new, and everything was properly organized in his drawers too. It would be unlikely that the drummer had saved anything needless or anything that would remind him of the past he wanted to hide and forget. Drawers... Aki laid his eyes on the bookshelf. It had many drawers that he knew containing music-related stuff. He'd have to go through all that? What a bother. Besides, he'd feel guilty for inspecting the private property of Kenzo.

Aki remembered Sakito's encouraging words that had gave him redemption to try and find out the truth by himself. If he would... what would the truth really look like? And what would Kenzo think if he found out that he had sniffed around in his apartment, looking for evidences to prove him quilty? And if he didn't find anything, could he live with the fact that he had doubted Kenzo? Was that really the point they were in their relationship? But those looks, those actions, that tension whenever Ruka and Kenzo were in the same space... It just couldn't go ignored, no matter how hard he had tried to do so. He had three days now to find evidences. If he'd find nothing on those days, he'd give up. He promised to himself he finally would.

Aki tried to do some composing like Kenzo had adviced him to do, but every now and then the bassist took a break and stretched his body, looking around suspiciously, unsure of what he should try to look for and from where, while he went through contradicted thoughts of if he should or should not investigate Kenzo's drawers. Due the lack of inspiration for composing he sat down by the bookshelf and opened the lower boxes. There were just files that contained music sheets. Then he looked into another box and there were guarantee receipts of the drums, as well as instruction manuals of how to take care and clean the drums properly. No, there was no loveletters, pictures or anything that would have proved Kenzo and Ruka having had a relationship. Aki laughed at his doubts and closed the boxes and moved back to the couch where his guitar waited for him to continue the composing. Although they were just about to release a new album, they were expected to make more songs constantly. Aki didn't mind, of course. SID was his life that he loved passionately. It had been so before Kenzo, and nowadays Aki sometimes felt a bit guilty for neglecting his dedication to SID.

Aki liked to stay at the drummer's house even when Kenzo himself wasn't there. It didn't really matter where he was, especially now when he was alone anyway. He needed sometimes days like this, being alone and collecting his thoughts and feelings, putting them into composing. It was already the day Kenzo would come back home, and Aki enjoyed of the fact that he'd see the younger's smile again and could hear the latest things about their gigs and interviews from the past couple of days. Aki lied on the couch, stretching his arms as he finished watching the TV drama and wondered what to do next. Amused by the fact that his drummer was coming home today, he moved to sit behind Kenzo's drums and took the sticks in his hands, starting a slow, gentle comp. The least he wanted to do was break anything or even leave a scratch on Kenzo's drums. Aki knew all too well how sacred that drum set was to the younger.

However, apparently Aki wasn't born to be a drummer - at all - and messed up with the comp and at one point succeeded letting the stick slip from his hand and fall on the floor. Hissing and muttering, Aki tried to look around for it and noticed next to the chair a pile of black leather cases for the cymbals. The stick was laying next to them and Aki picked it up. However, the case right under his nose tempted him to look inside of it, just because it was practically the only place he hadn't looked into on these past couple of days. As he snapped the locks open and lifted the tap, he noticed the box containing white CD lids scattered around. Looking at the lids Aki noticed there were handwritten names and dates on them. At the studio, Sound check, Kenzo, at Ruka's, and... what? Aki stared at the lid with the older drummer's name. He took it in his hand and browsed the other lids in the case, finding that there was more of them with their names, having also the date written with smaller letters. Aki collected as many as he could and found there was actually quite plenty. He browsed them and picked the earliest one by date. He opened the lids and noticed it wasn't a CD but a DVD and looked at it with a pondering expression. He glanced at the DVD player and thought that it might be interesting to see Kenzo as a younger, starting drummer.

"Ready, student?" Ruka asked.
"Got it," the blonde drummer smiled and moved his long hair behind his ears, sitting behind the drums where the camera was directed at.
"Show me what you got," the older commanded, probably standing behind the camera.
Kenzo started a leisure comp and then suddenly began to phenomenally play one of the Nightmare's songs. After he was done he smiled coyly at the camera, waiting for the judgement. Ruka was quiet for a while until he just blurted:
"Wow. Now I know I don't need to go easy on you. Good."

Aki smiled. Kenzo looked so happy and relieved. He really had needed encouragement like that back in the days, just like Aki himself had needed too. And still needed, even to these days. That's why he always appriciated when the older musicians praised or aided him. Aki looked at the other lids and decided to give a peek to as many of them as he could. There was still some time before Kenzo would return, and besides, it couldn't be that bad that he watched these, right? They were just practising the playing, that's all. Aki found it was a good idea actually, film the teaching, so the student could study and learn at home too.
There was lots of clips where Ruka played something and Kenzo stood next to him, looking and nodding ponderingly. However, after a few DVD's Aki noticed that the way those two talked and laughed had turned to more casual and relaxed. Kenzo still looked happy - though this time not for succeeding in playing but for the fact that he could be with Ruka. Aki could tell, it was that look. The same look both of them had when after a long time apart they could see each other again. The look and smile Aki had waited to see today when Kenzo would come back home.

Ruka was a caring but strict teacher, who seemed to have a lots of expectations for his student, who had proved to be worthy and talented drummer. Sometimes Ruka would stand behind Kenzo and lean forward to take his wrists and fix Kenzo's position. At those times Kenzo looked like a deer in front of headlights. Ruka spoke softly to his ear and Kenzo smiled coyly and nodded. Aki frowned. So, had Ruka harrassed Kenzo and that was the reason their friendship had ended? Aki decided it must be so. However, he noticed from Kenzo's look that he wasn't cold towards the older either - at all. Seeing all those Kenzo's dreamy gazes when Ruka played, the shiver that went through Kenzo's body when Ruka said something to his ear... Aki frowned deeper. He wasn't sure if this was enough proof that there had been something going on after all. Then he thought that it would be ridiculous to blame Kenzo for having a crush on his teacher. It happened all the time. But if there was anything else...

"This is so unprofessional, sorry," Ruka laughed as straightened up, having once again been bent next to Kenzo's ear, whispering something.
"It is! Are you trying to distract me so I'd make mistakes?" Kenzo laughed, still playing.
Kenzo didn't even need to look at the cymbals or tom-toms; his gaze was fixed on Ruka alone.
"Could be," the older laughed, "Because soon you will tell me you have no reason to come here anymore as your playing is already flawless."
"You wish," Kenzo grinned.
"No, I don't," Ruka said, suddenly a little bit more serious.
Kenzo looked at Ruka, once again with a coy and even scared expression. He stopped playing and just stared at Ruka's faint smile.
"Teacher teacher, could you end the class earlier today?" Kenzo finally asked.
"In a hurry?" Ruka asked with an amused tone, hands shoved into jeans' pockets and looking down at Kenzo.
"Actually yes."
"Okay then. You're free to go."
"Thanks," Kenzo smiled, suddenly mischievously. "You're the best."
Ruka just stood there, calm and content, and watched as the younger stood up in front of him and reached to kiss his lips. He didn't move his hands from the pockets, but answered the kiss.

Aki gasped at the sofa. What was going on? Now it was Kenzo, who made a move on Ruka?
"Ruka...," Kenzo said with a hoarse voice and a longing gaze when Ruka left him to stand there and walked to the camera.
"Just a moment."

Then the film was cut and the screen was blank again. As blank as Aki's mind at the moment. What happened after that? Would Ruka lecture Kenzo about mixing their professional relationship with that kind of behavior? Or would he go back to Kenzo and continue, this time properly answering the kiss? Now at least Aki knew the drummer had lied, saying there had been nothing between them. Something had happened that time, at least. Who knows if not already before. Aki was hurt and offended of being lied to, actually more than he actually was about Kenzo having had feelings for Ruka. Realizing that remark, it surprised him too, and after thinking awhile he picked another DVD and noticed that it already seemed really hard for the drummers to keep their hands off each other due the so called practising.
"Unbelievable," Aki snorted, his arms crossed. "Nothing, he says. 'Absolutely nothing, and never has been'."

Ruka played the drums, wearing black leather pants that were cut so that they revealed his thighs. He also wore a black, shirtless hoody vest, on which his that time black and white hair landed neatly. Kenzo was almost squirming and purring as he watched his senpai playing. Ruka noticed it and smiled, amused.
"Got that memorized, Zo?"
"Of course," Kenzo laughed braggingly and then wrapped his arms around Ruka from behind, leaning his chin on the older's shoulder.
"Good. I want to see you playing it tomorrow in your drum MC," Ruka smiled mysteriously.
"Wha... what? You will come?! Really?" Kenzo asked, surprised, his eyes glowing like stars.
Ruka smiled and nodded gently.
"But I thought you said Nightmare was busy and that the others wouldn't let you come."
"Well, then I guess they just have to come there and force me to leave the gig."

Now Aki felt his heart aching. The love and happiness Kenzo felt was tangible even through the TV screen. And to think that nowadays those two could barely be in the same space anymore... The pity he felt for Kenzo suddenly turned into anger again, as he realized the men in the camera were kissing again. Ruka had turned on his chair to look at the younger and Kenzo was leaning forward, his hands caressing Ruka's face, neck and hair as their kiss turned deeper and deeper.
"The camera, dear," Ruka uttered a laughter.
"I don't care. Now. I want you now," Kenzo said with hoarse voice and moved to kiss Ruka's neck.
The older sighed in pleasure and arched his neck and back when Kenzo nibbled his skin and grabbed his zipper, intending to open the vest.

Aki wasn't sure if he wanted to see more. Lies. That's all Kenzo had gave him. Why? He could have told him they had had a relationship. So what? He had had relationships too. And even though it may have affected his liking on Ruka, what about it? Why did Kenzo care if he liked Ruka or not after knowing about them? Aki shook his head and felt disappointed, mad and frustrated. It was never a good thing. He could be bad-tempered too if people went way too far in irritating him. And this was it. His best friend, his lover, had lied so harshly about things. But now there was no way for Kenzo to explain or excuse his behavior and past. Aki tried to control his anger, he really tried, but as the men on the screen got heated up, so did he, but in a different way. The bassist threw the sofa pillows off, and as he walked around, more than anxious and frustrated, he even pushed around the sofa table, making the things on it - including one expensive glass vase - fall on the floor and smash into million pieces. Just like his heart did.

~Here lies what is left of me. The rest is mystery. Ignore thyself.~ (Stan Rice)

Vuoden jännitys
Viestit: 495
Liittynyt: Pe Helmi 05, 2010 4:27 am

Re: Nothing you lose -NC17- ch.10/? [Nightmare, Ayabie, SID]

ViestiKirjoittaja Anraf » Su Marras 06, 2011 5:12 am

Chapter 10.

Kenzo smiled to himself as he opened the door. He wondered if Aki was waiting for him. Well, he knew to expect Aki would. Had the bassist cooked, maybe? Prepared a bath for him? Kenzo hummed and closed the door, putting his suitcase on the floor, kicked off his shoes and started to take off his jacket when he suddenly heard loud groans and moans from the living room.
"Are you... are you watching porn?" Kenzo uttered a disbelieving laughter and put his jacket hang on the racket.
"Yeah. You could say that," Aki replied.
"You've spent way too much time with Yomi," the drummer laughed.
The groans from the TV grew louder and Kenzo shook his head with an amused smile and removed his socks.
"Sounds like they really would enjoy and not just act."
"Yeah, they really enjoy. Insanely," Aki said with a tone that made Kenzo worry a little.
Not only that Aki didn't come to greet him but watched porn instead, somehow the bassist didn't sound horny or amused either.

"Aki?" Kenzo said with a questioning tone and stepped into the living room, only then realizing why the sounds were so real and familiar.
He looked at the huge screen on which he himself was presented, his back leaning on the chair, handcuffed on it, while Ruka admired his naked body with his hands, lips and tongue.
"Pretty wild, huh?" Aki smiled. "Love between drummers... Of course the drums must be included too, don't you think?"
"Aki. Shut that thing. Now," Kenzo said as soon as he gained back his ability to speak.
"Why? Soon comes a good part."
Kenzo knew what part. Him being on his knees against the chair, while Ruka...
"I said: shut that thing," Kenzo said now, more strictly but trying to keep himself composed.
"You shut that thing!" Aki shouted and threw the remoter at the drummer's feet.
"Fucking shit, Aki, have you gone nuts?" Kenzo shouted as he realized now the broken vase on the floor and the overall messed-up room.
"Yes, I have actually. For putting up this long with a liar like you!"
"I didn't want to lie, but I knew how you'd take it. Just like this," Kenzo said and spread his arms to demonstrate the chaos around them.
"No, I wouldn't," Aki groaned. "I thought I was worth more than that. Worth the truth."
"The truth isn't pretty, Aki."
"Not, when it's wrapped in lies," the bassist noted, offended.
"What I could have said? That yes, I loved Ruka and yes, we had a relationship, some sort? And that one day he just informed me that our practising was over, that I should not come anymore?" Kenzo shouted.

Aki blinked for a moment, wrapping his arms tighter around himself and gave a nod.
"Yeah, exactly that."
"Then what would you have thought about it?" Kenzo asked, frowning questioningly.
The bassist pondered for a while. Then he lifted his intensive glare at the younger.
"That I don't know you at all. Not only you kept your relationship as a secret from me though we were friends, but you didn't bother to mention about it either then when we actually started getting closer and making out. Which evokes the question: was I only some kind of bandage to your wounds?"
Kenzo sighed.
"There you go. That's exactly why I couldn't tell you. Because I knew you would start blaming me or yourself."
"Myself?! I am not at fault at all, as I didn't even know of you two!"
"If I hadn't had you, I probably would have tried to pursue Ruka more," Kenzo said with an honest tone.
"Oh, so I was like some kind of second choise then?" Aki sneered despisingly.
"No! It just... happened."
"Seems that things like that indeed seem to happen to you," Aki said, motioning towards the TV where Kenzo and Ruka were embracing each other, glowing for their finally reached, pleasurous climax.
Kenzo picked the remoter from his feet and finally shut TV.
"Yeah, that's life. Things happen in life. Unexpected things. But you are the best thing in my life, Aki. Right after Ayabie you're my everything."
"I always come as a second, huh?" Aki said bittersweetly.
"Don't be ridiculous. Like SID would come after me either?" Kenzo said bluntly.
"Should it have came down to it, I probably couldn't have chose between SID and you, really," Aki nodded, looking pondering. "But I've made my choice now."
"You have one more chance to tell me the truth. Do you still love Ruka?"


Ruka leaned back on the leathered bench of the club he had came to nowadays whenever he had freetime. The place was dark and thus a good place to vanish into oblivion - be a no one and just observe the things and people around him. Especially the squirming human slaves in the cages and their torturers, and the other people who found their pleasure in watching, just like he did. The drummer lifted his whiskey glass to his lips and sighed. Tonight he was bored. He should have known that even this could not keep his interest up for long. Sometimes he missed much more the normality - maybe then the kinky plays like this wouldn't feel so... ordinary to him now. He glanced at Satoshi who sat by his side, not touching him but smiling every time Ruka glanced at him. The incident a couple days ago at Ni-ya's house had made Ruka realize that the people would soon get the wrong idea about them, so he had told the young vocalist to control himself when they were in public. He definitely didn't have a relationship with Satoshi, nor did he feel even slightest keen or interest towards him, and thus he didn't want the people think so. Just like he didn't feel anything for Makoto either, nor for the man he visited at the certain love hotel. Like proving his thoughts right, his eyes got fixed on someone who did evoke many kind of emotions in him.

Kenzo looked around, a little lost but not letting it show too much. Finally he seemed to find what he was looking for and, with his intensive gaze fixed on Ruka, he approached their table. Ruka raised his gaze to look at the younger drummer properly, lifting his leather cap a little from his eyes too. Kenzo sat down on the bench, not bothering to wait the men ask him to.
"The music here is horrible," he murmured, glancing around.
Ruka couldn't help but utter a laughter. Kenzo was always so blunt.
"Yeah, it really is."
"Then why are you always here, then?" the younger snorted and turned to look Ruka into eyes.
The older looked at him with velvet gaze, a faint smile on his lips.
"I was actually just wondering the same thing..."
Kenzo rolled his eyes and turned his gaze away again, sighing. Ruka pressed the button on their table, summoning the waitress - wrapped in leather belts like the slaves in the cages - and told Kenzo he should order a drink. The younger did and soon received his double scotch, which he drank down almost immediately.
"And Aki is...?" Ruka finally asked the question that had tingled at the tip of his tongue for some time.
"Wrecking my house," Kenzo grunted and shook the glass, trying to pry the last whiskey drop from the bottom.
Ruka looked at the younger with serious face, pondering, and moved his own glass towards Kenzo.
"But that's the only drink you have. Should we call the waitress again?" Kenzo wondered.
"As always, I give you all I got. And yes, we can call them again. That's why they are here."
"The slaves," Satoshi laughed, apparently drunk again, which made Kenzo frown.
"So, howcome you allow Aki to wreck your house?" Ruka asked.
"I don't know. I guess it serves me right. Besides, he suddenly grabbed scissors and, you know, I don't want to get stabbed ever again like in my childhood, so I saw it best to leave."
"Sounds pretty intense."
"I can't believe it," Satoshi laughed at their side, "You ran from your violent boyfriend to a BDSM club!"

Ruka and Kenzo looked at the vocalist and then at each other again.
"What made him so mad?" Ruka asked.
"You. Us. Not the first time, but he found... the DVD's," Kenzo muttered, turning his gaze away from the older.
"You still had them? I was pretty sure you had burned them in some pyre along with the voodoo doll of me," Ruka said, flashing a quick, amused smile.
"What voodoo doll?" Kenzo asked until he realized the older was joking. "Oh. I guess I should have. But I forgot," he smirked back.
"However... are you alright?" Ruka asked, a slight worry in his tone and look.
"I'm alright. I just hope my drums are too. Aki should know their value to me. I don't think he does anything to them but... I still worry about those scissors."
"Maybe you should have called some friends there to help. Maybe Hitsugi?"
"What could I say to him? 'Oh, Aki saw my homeporn videos with Ruka and went nuts'?" Kenzo snorted.
"Your what?" Satoshi laughed, only catching the word homeporn.
"Forget it," Kenzo snorted and leaned back on the bench, staring forward with a frown.
"Order as many drinks as you like. It's on me," Ruka said softly.
"I didn't come here to drink, actually," Kenzo muttered, creating a significant glance at the older.
"Satoshi," Ruka said, turning to the vocalist. "Give us a moment."
The vocalist nodded and left the table, saying he'd go look around for company.
"So, you two are not... dating?" Kenzo asked hesitantly.

Ruka snorted despisingly and turned his look away, which made Kenzo's blood boil.
"So, you're still playing with people's hearts."
"What?" Ruka turned to look at Kenzo again with a surprised expression.
"You still manipulate and use people, make them believe they mean something to you and then toss them away when you happen to feel like it," Kenzo frowned.
"I don't understand..."
"Look what you've done to Satoshi, for example! He didn't even drink before," the younger motioned at the direction where the vocalist had vanished.
"I haven't forced him to drink," Ruka said calmly, almost indifferently.
"But he does, to be with you!"
"I don't expect anything from people."
"You... you..." Kenzo couldn't find words. Suddenly he was so full of anger and disappointment, especially because now he saw Ruka had not changed. Not that he would have liked to hear that Ruka and Satoshi were seriously dating, but this proved that the older still just toyed with people.
"Besides, recently I have thought of stop hanging out with him. I guess I'll tell him that tonight," Ruka said with a tone that had no trace of anykind of regret.
"I can't believe it!" Kenzo said, appalled. "Or guess I should. You never seem to change. You just do what you want with people and then throw them away like trash. How many lives do you have to ruin and how many hearts will you break until you're satisfied?"
"I'll never be satisfied," Ruka replied silently and lowered his gaze.
"Bastard!" Kenzo shouted and grabbed the man from his black vest.

Ruka looked into Kenzo's flaming eyes and saw in them the pain he knew to take the blame of. Kenzo pressed his lips violently against Ruka's and kissed, nibbled and even bit them. Slowly the older put his arms around him and held him close, answering the kiss that then turned into a gentle but passionate battle of two tongues.
"I hate you... I hate you for leaving me," Kenzo whispered with abrupteded voice, his eyes closed.
"I know. I hate myself for it too," Ruka said, also closing his eyes as they continued kissing.
After awhile their lips parted again and Kenzo laid his cheek on Ruka's shoulder, arms wrapped around the older's neck, Ruka still embarcing him too. They tried to calm their breaths and the chaotic feelings inside. Ruka felt worse than he had felt for a long time. Holding Kenzo like this, kissing him, he didn't deserve that. He'd never deserve the younger's forgiveness or a second chance with him. Though, he knew Kenzo hadn't come to ask for another chance. He had came to say goodbye. It pained Ruka too.

~Here lies what is left of me. The rest is mystery. Ignore thyself.~ (Stan Rice)

Vuoden jännitys
Viestit: 495
Liittynyt: Pe Helmi 05, 2010 4:27 am

Re: Nothing you lose -NC17- ch.11/? [Nightmare, Ayabie, SID]

ViestiKirjoittaja Anraf » Ma Marras 21, 2011 9:24 pm

Chapter 11.

Satoshi came back to the table, looking frustrated. Apparently there weren't any interesting people to hang out with tonight. He noticed Ruka and Kenzo leaning on each other quietly.
"You okay?" Satoshi asked from Kenzo as he sat down next to Ruka.
"Yeah...," Kenzo replied and slowly separated from the older drummer.
The men were quiet for a while until Satoshi started to explain something about the things he had seen some people doing somewhere. Kenzo didn't really listen the other two, he just leaned a bit forward, clenching the bench with both hands and staring at their drink glasses. At one point he felt Ruka's hand brushing his on the bench and, instinctly, he answered the touch. Their fingers caressed each other softly, almost unnoticeably, until Ruka moved his hand properly on Kenzo's, crossing their fingers.
In that moment Kenzo felt like all the feelings he had blocked inside would have been released, now overflowing and filling his heart with enormous sorrow and pain. However, it also made him feel relieved too. He smiled faintly, still looking at the glasses as he enjoyed that he could be near Ruka like this, one last time. Or would it be the last time? Should he stay and try persistently make his way back into Ruka's life? He woke up from his thoughts when he received a message to his phone. With his free hand he searched for it from the depths of his pocket and noticed it was Aki, who said he was sorry about the mess and his strong reaction. The bassist also informed he wanted to talk.

Kenzo stared at the phone and realized he really had to choose. He could try to make up with Aki - knowing the bassist, he was a forgiving type and eventually they would get over this. But then he looked at Ruka, who with his cap, eyepatch and long black hair looked so beautiful and tempting - especially because Kenzo knew what was behind that appearance. Somewhere deep within was a good, caring man who Kenzo felt affinity with. The man just didn't seem to believe in his own heart and goodness as much as Kenzo did. Kenzo squeezed Ruka's fingers in his palm, not wanting to let go, though he knew he probably would have to.
"Is it Aki?" the older drummer asked with a soft voice.
"Yeah... I think he wants to make up," Kenzo replied quietly.
"Then you probably should go."
Kenzo lifted his gaze into Ruka's eyes and met their velvet gaze. Ruka could see the pain and denial in Kenzo's eyes, and it made him smile softly.
"He's a good guy, isn't he? Forgiving and kind. People like that are rare. You should hold on to him."
"But I... I don't know anything anymore. I can't... I can't go on like this," Kenzo said.
"I know..."
"But I can't let go of you," Kenzo sighed in a desperate tone and wrapped his arms around Ruka's neck, burying his face into Ruka's hair. "How can I let you go?"
"You just have to. I'm no good for you or anyone. You deserve a guy like Aki," Ruka said softly and stroke Kenzo's back gently.
"Don't say that... If you'd want, you could..."
"No... I can't do that to you. You deserve more."
"Stop deciding things for me!" Kenzo shouted with teary eyes.

Ruka bit his lip and looked at Kenzo. Apparently he could get a second chance with the younger if he wanted. And of course he wanted. More than anything. But he knew how it would end. First of all, he could never be what Aki had been to Kenzo on these past few months, and that would cause problems. And in the end Kenzo would regret. He didn't want to cause disappointments or break Kenzo's heart ever again. He would live his life, probably forever regretting his decision and feeling pain for it, but he just couldn't lie and pretend to the younger that he was something he really wasn't. He wasn't the right man for Kenzo.
"Go home to your lover. Be happy. You deserve that," Ruka said softly and gently removed Kenzo's hands from his neck.
Kenzo stared for a moment into Ruka's eyes and sighed. There was no running from it. He did love Ruka, but he could never force him to love him back.
"I can't make you love me, but I want you to know that I love you. Always. Remember that whenever you feel lonely and forsaken. Remember that you deserve love too. Goodbye, my dark angel, my teacher. You gave me a lot, including this pain, but it is just as you once taught me: as long as we feel pain we can get stronger," Kenzo said with abrupted voice and smiled at Ruka.
Ruka gave a small smile back and nodded gently. After gazing each other awhile Kenzo softly brushed Ruka's cheek with his lips and then hurried out of the club.

"Wow. That was something I don't get to see often," Satoshi finally said, snapping Ruka out of his thoughts.
"People sacrificing their own needs and feelings for the happiness of the others."
Ruka frowned questioningly and looked intensively at the vocalist.
"You just let go of Kenzo so he could be happy with Aki, right?" Satoshi smiled.
"Yeah. I guess I did," Ruka replied, a little confused.
"That, if anything, is love in its purest form," the vocalist laughed and grabbed his drink. "And to think that a guy who looks and acts like you could actually be like that...," he grinned before lifting the glass on his lips.
Ruka looked at Satoshi calmly and put his hand on the vocalist's arm and sighed.
"You shouldn't drink. It's bad."
"What?" Satoshi laughed.
"It doesn't only ruin your body, it also makes you do and say idiotic things," Ruka sighed.
"But grants a good excuse when apologizing the idiotic behavior later, right?" Satoshi winked.
Ruka understood Satoshi's imply. But he wouldn't run after Kenzo and apologize. His decision and words tonight weren't because of the alcohol. Even completely sober he wouldn't regret letting Kenzo go to someone better than he was. Yeah, he really loved Kenzo that much.


Aki stood in front of the mirror, still holding scissors in his hand as he stared at himself. His stylist would definitely kill him for what he had done, but he just couldn't stand to see his long strands anymore. He was nothing like Ruka, he had short hair now. But there was still those same piercings... Aki frowned and began to take off each and every one of them. Better. He stared at himself blankly. His hair was cut unevenly, it was all messed up and he didn't have any piercings. Now, this was Aki. Or was it? But at least no one could say anymore how lookalike he was with Ruka. Now Kenzo would love him only for what he was. If he would...
"You have one more chance to tell me the truth. Do you still love Ruka?"
"I don't know. I think I always will, in a way... But I really do love you too. Please, believe me..."
That was the answer Aki had got to his question.
"Whatever there is still between you two, whatever feelings you have for him... I want you to sort them out. Then you can come back to me and speak of loving, if you really do."
And after he had said that, the younger had nodded, glanced at him and turned around, changing his clothes quickly, which had actually made Aki even more mad, as he noticed Kenzo really was about to go to Ruka. Wasn't that prove enough that he loved Ruka more than him? He had followed the younger into the bedroom and there happened to glance at himself from the mirror. His expression had pretty much reminded that of Ruka's that one night when the older drummer had watched him and Kenzo kissing. That's when Aki came up with the thought of cutting once and for all any of his resemble to Ruka. Kenzo had watched as Aki had gone to grab scissors and, seemingly worried and even afraid, had gave him a hesitating nod and quickly vanished from the apartment.

So, now he didn't look like Ruka, at least not at the first glance. But as he looked at himself from the mirror, he could still see the same kind of pouting expression that Ruka wore often. It seemed that whatever feelings they experienced, jealousy, anger, sadness, it always involved Kenzo, and that's what made them so similar. Yeah, he loved Kenzo, but apparently Ruka did too. And if Kenzo loved them both, then... What were they to do? He wanted to make Kenzo happy, as much as he could, but... if even after all this time Kenzo still missed the older drummer, maybe he should let them have each other. Aki glanced at himself from the mirror and regretted a little destroying his hair. But it would grow back... And everything could be like before. If Kenzo wanted it, even they could have it all back...
Aki grabbed his phone and sent a message to Kenzo. Perhaps he could try to convince the younger that he could be more than Ruka. That eventually Kenzo would realize that he would never leave him like Ruka had. He hoped it wasn't too late.

Not long after sending the message he heard the door and knew Kenzo had returned. However, he didn't get up from the bathroom floor, but leaned his forehead on his arms that laid on his knees as he was curled up against the bathtube.
"" Kenzo said abruptedly as he entered the bathroom and saw the bassist - with short hair. "What have you done...?" he asked, barely audibly.
Hesitantly, Kenzo stepped closer and saw the multiple piercings on the sink.
"Are you... Are you okay?" he asked, looking at the older, who still hadn't lifted his gaze.
Slowly Aki raised his head and looked at the drummer into eyes. Kenzo noticed Aki had cried.
"How do you like me now?" Aki asked, barely audibly.
"Tsk. Of course I like," Kenzo said chidingly and moved to sit next to Aki. "But baby... your hair..."
"It's not anymore long and dark like Ruka's, right?" Aki asked, smiling bittersweetly.
"But I liked your hair...," Kenzo said with a tender smile and touched softly the messy hair.
Aki shivered at the uneasiness the younger's touch caused in him.
"So. Did you go to meet Ruka?" Aki asked.
"I... met him," the drummer nodded, moving his gaze from Aki as he wrapped his arms around his knees and leaned against the bathtube. He was sitting curled up like Aki, feeling uneasy and confused as well.
"He sent me back to you. He said I deserve to be with someone who loves me as much as you do, with a good guy like you," Kenzo sighed.
"I see. Funny, because I thought about doing the same thing. I probably can never be what he is to you. We're good friends and our sex is awesome, but I still lack something that he has...," Aki pondered.
"It doesn't have to be so," Kenzo said.
"But isn't it?"

The older gave Kenzo a sad smile that made the younger sigh in resign. Aki was right. There was something in Ruka that no one, not even Aki, could compare to. But...
"He doesn't want me."
"Then he is either an idiot or as afraid as I am," Aki said softly. "Perhaps we all should give it some time and see what will happen."
"I'm... I'm sorry, Aki," Kenzo said quietly.
"No. I am sorry. For not realizing it earlier and not giving you the time you would have needed. Also, for not having been the kind of friend who you could have told about this before..."
"It's not that. You know me... I just can't speak of such things. Perhaps that's why I couldn't keep Ruka either."
"Yeah, well... I'm still sorry. It hurts, but I will stand by your side, no matter what you decide to do."
"You don't need to be sorry about anything. Well, perhaps for your hair you should," the younger said, flashing a small smile at the older.
"Indeed... When I go to work they'll kill me," Aki sighed, shaking his head.
"Well... we could call one hair specialist and see if he could do anything about it."
"Oh? Hair specialist... Ah! Tatsuro?"
Kenzo nodded with a faint smile and after receiving an approving nod from Aki, grabbed his phone and gave the vocalist a call.

Tatsuro came surprisingly willingly to help and took Aki with him, promising to take him home and see there what he could do for his hair and pretty much everything, as Aki looked overall tired, devastated and messy. Kenzo sighed, partly relieved, as he didn't know how he could have spent another night with Aki or if he even should. He probably needed time on his own now. He also wondered if it was wise to leave Ruka at the club, especially with Satoshi who seemed to have grown very fond of the older drummer. Then again, Ruka had told him off, so perhaps the older had made up his mind. Now Kenzo should make up his.

~Here lies what is left of me. The rest is mystery. Ignore thyself.~ (Stan Rice)

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Vuoden jännitys
Viestit: 495
Liittynyt: Pe Helmi 05, 2010 4:27 am

Re: Nothing you lose -NC17- ch.12/? [Nightmare, Ayabie, SID]

ViestiKirjoittaja Anraf » Ke Marras 23, 2011 11:50 am

Chapter 12.

Ruka blinked a couple of times as he stared at the man at his door. The man had short hair, a little longer from the front, falling neatly on his forehead and over the other eye. Also the number of his piercings had decreased since the last time Ruka had seen the younger.
"Well, this is... unexpected," the drummer commented, letting his gaze wander at the man.
"Likewise - what has happened to your face?" Aki frowned as he inspected the rather scary sight - bruises all over Ruka's face.
"Worried?" Ruka uttered a disbelieving laughter. "Well... First of all, I bumped into a door and got dizzy, so I felt like I needed to rest and went to bed. As I was sleeping, I rolled and fell off. On my way down to floor I hit my head on the night table and also bruised this arm. So, I thought that since sleeping as well as walking is apparently fatal to me, I decided to sit down and play my drums. But then the drumstick accidentally slipped from my hand and hit me in the face... Apparently you don't believe a word I say," Ruka laughed as he saw Aki's doubtful expression.
"Not really," Aki nodded, serious. "But I finally got to meet the Ruka Hitsugi has told me about. The joking, goofy person, who makes fun of serious things."
"Oh? Congratulations," Ruka commented, lifting his eyebrows significally.

As Aki apparently had not came to his door to joke and chat, Ruka stepped back from the door and let the younger enter his apartment.
"So, may I ask what brings you to my humble house?" the drummer asked, leaning with his hand on the back rest of the sofa, another hand on his hip, and looked at the bassist, who stood in the small and dark hallway.
"It's been over a month already, almost two," Aki said.
"Of you last visiting me?"
"Of Kenzo visiting you. In that club. The night I found out about you two."
"Oh, that."
"Yes, that. Over a month," Aki repeated, serious.
"Could be." Ruka shrugged, avoiding the younger's gaze, and turned to go to the kitchen. He tried to look indifferent though he remembered very well how many days it had been since he had lost Kenzo - again. "Coffee? There's still some left," the drummer asked and poured some to his cup.
Aki was a little surprised that Ruka was drinking coffee, alone, and not alcohol, for example.
"No, thank you," the bassist replied.
"So, how are you, guys?"
"We decided to take a break that night, so Kenzo could sort out his feelings and make up his mind about what he wants. Who he wants."
Aki stood at the doorway and looked at the dark drummer in his black t-shirt and black boxers. Now that he was able to look at Ruka well, he noticed some bruises in his legs too. The bassist's frown grew.
"Well, did he figure it out yet?" Ruka asked, turning around now, and sipped his coffee, leaning against the kitchen counter.
"Isn't it already obvious?" Aki snorted and tilted his head. "But what has happened to you?"

Noticing Aki's wandering eyes, Ruka glanced at his legs and chortled.
"Ah, said goodbye to one of my lovers. He took it surprisingly well and wanted to even leave me a memory for the old time's sake."
"Unbelievable. You really love pain, don't you?" Aki asked, appalled and a little horrified too.
"No. To be honest, I hate it. That's why I said goodbye to him. And all the others. Pain just for pain is not as good as pain for love. Took me long enough to realize it, but it's alright. I'm recovering now and leaving those things behind. As well as leaving alcohol too."
"I see... Kenzo would call that growing up. We have done similar changes in our lives and he says it's because we're growing."
"Yeah... pain grows us stronger. And different kind of pain grows us differently. I don't think the pain I have allowed into my life lately is any good kind of pain. But this what I'm going through now, it's... somehow very soothing."
"So, no matter what kind of pain it is, you still enjoy of it?" Aki noted.
"Apparently," Ruka replied with a quick smile and turned his gaze away from the younger again, sipping his coffee.
"I have something that pains me too."
"Yeah. You see, I'm not patient. I always thought I'm the more patient one of me and Kenzo, but apparently it's not so. I have waited for you two to do something, but it's been almost two months already and you haven't even mailed each other," Aki frowned.
"I told him to go back to you and stay happy. I'm nothing but a miserable mess who didn't treat him right. I couldn't speak of what I felt, as I didn't find words for it. And I didn't know if I could apply to his expectations, so..."
"So you decided for him that he's better off without you?" Aki continued.
"...Yes," Ruka replied, putting his cup down, and grabbed his cigarette box from the table. He passed Aki and moved to the balcony, glancing waitingly at the younger.

Aki watched Ruka and then followed him to the balcony where they leaned against the balustrade and smoked their cigarettes.
"The last time I stood here with you, I idolized you, respected you, saw you as something wonderful," the bassist remebered, breaking their silence.
"Obviously you have changed your mind now?" Ruka commented, inhaling his cigarette.
"I see you now more human. You are very human, Ruka. You make mistakes, they hurt you and you learn from them. You go through various feelings and they either make you strong or weak. Yeah... That's human."
"But it's nothing wonderful nor worth idolizing," Ruka sneered.
"True, it's not. But even though Kenzo has seen you at your weakest, he still seems to think so. To him you will always be the wonder of wonders and something worth to think about and miss."
Ruka sighed at Aki's words.
"I met him when he was just a brat. Sharp-tongued, stubborn kid, who pretended he had lots of confidence," Ruka said. "Yeah... He tried to be so cool, and almost got me fooled too. But when I got to know him better, I realized it was just a surface. What there was within..."
"I know," Aki said darkly. "He's special."
"Yeah, he is. I think he always presented my ideal type of human. Someone, who looks cool and composed, but who has various emotions inside that make him even stronger, even though some of those emotions should make him weak..."
"He is strong. Especially for loving you despite getting rejected, despite the uncertainty of your feelings and the knowledge about your other lovers. Still, despite your weak human side, he loves you and wants you. He's super like that. He's strong," Aki said with a nod.

Ruka glanced at the younger and finished up his cigarette. He stubbed it into the glass jar in the balcony's corner.
"Hell, it's so cold," the drummer cursed as he realized his feet were almost frozen.
He wasn't anymore as strong against the cold as he used to. He rushed inside and went to look for some trousers to put on. Aki followed him with his gaze but stayed in the living room, glancing quickly at the KISS poster.
"Are you ever going to call him?"
"See, this is what confuses me now," Ruka said when he finally came back, having found dark college pants. "Why would you want me to do that?"
"Because it would mean a world to him."
"And he means a world to you, so...?"
"We're just friends now. And that's kind of better, as we have found the certain sparkle to our friendship again, now, that we don't act like lovers anymore. In a way I will always love him, but I also want him to find true happiness and love, as to him it matters slightly more than to me. And not always so slightly. It's actually surprising how romantic he can be, though he acts so cool and coy most of the time.
"I know...," Ruka mumbled, glancing at the same poster Aki had a moment ago.
"Yeah, I know you know," Aki murmured and lowered his gaze. He thought for a moment and then sighed. "There was a time when I thought I'd fight for him. I was ready to do anything to keep him. But the longer I looked at this situation, you and him whenever you were together, I realized that you weren't just a crush, just a fling... So I knew I could never compare to you. If by then I hadn't succeeded in it, I never would. And that's a fact. I'm not an easy loser, but I know when I just can't win."
"That's... a pity. I hoped he'd find an honest, respecting partner like you, who would understand him and stand by his side always."
"Why can't you?" Aki asked, tilting his head.
"I had a chance to, but I let it go. Twice. I won't do that to him, nor to myself, for the third time," Ruka frowned, wrapping his arms around himself and turning his look away.

Aki inspected the drummer for a while and sighed.
"I take that as a promise. Don't reject him again."
"But... I have hurt him so much... What if I do that again, somehow?" Ruka asked, looking now more vulnerable than Aki could ever have imagined seeing the older look like.
"You said it yourself, the kind of pain love causes is a good kind of pain. It makes us grow. It makes us stronger. So, would you give him a call or something someday?"
"Someday... Maybe. But for now I want to - I need to - grow a little in this pain I'm going through alone."
"But you don't need to go through it completely alone. You have Ni-ya and Sakito, for example. They confessed me and Kenzo their scheming behind our backs. I was mad at first, of course, but they made me realize this was the best - for all of us. Wise guys. I actually feel better now than what I felt lately when I still was with Kenzo. As I said, we had lost some sparkle in our friendship, but now we have found it again. And I have hanged around more often with Saki and Ni-ya too... Whenever you need a good, comforting person with lots of perspective, that's Ni-ya," Aki smiled.
Ruka listened to the younger, and slowly a tender smile grew on his lips. He gave Aki an approving nod and rubbed his sore ribs. Yeah, someday his inner and outer bruises would recover, and he would be like a new person. Hopefully stronger, wiser and capable to love - worthy to love.
"I'm... sorry I'm at fault for you guys breaking up. You're a good guy, and I really would have been okay with it if you two had stayed together. Even though I... I lov... un," Ruka hemmed and stared at the floor, deep in thoughts.
"It's alright. Someday you can say it and be totally fine with it," Aki smiled softly.
Ruka lifted his gaze from the floor and looked at Aki into eyes, with a hint of sorrow and worry in his. Perhaps he could say it, but would Kenzo be there anymore to hear it?
Aki stepped closer the older, thinking of leaving as he had finally said all he had had on his mind. As he passed Ruka, he lifted his hand to give a friendly and encouraging tap on his shoulder, but his hand stopped on the halfway. He gave an apologetic smile to the surprised drummer and continued to the hallway.
"Sorry. Perhaps I'm not yet strong enough to be totally cool with all this. But... I'm getting there, definitely."
Ruka gave him an understanding nod and turned to watch as the younger put his shoes back on and left with a nod and a smile.


"How low of Aki to fool me to meet you like this, even though you're the reason why we broke up," Kenzo said as he noticed Ni-ya sitting down on the other side of the table in the cafeteria where he had been waiting for Aki.
However, it was just a play and soon Kenzo flashed a small smile at the bassist. He, too, had came to a conclusion that the current situation was the best for them and that Ni-ya's and Sakito's intentions had been good. Even though they hadn't succeeded in getting him and Ruka back together like they also had planned...
"Admit it, you're happy to see me because I'm the one who can provide you with information about Ruka," Ni-ya grinned.
Kenzo snorted, rolling his eyes, and clenched his coffee cup with both hands, like warming himself up. It was already almost February... He looked from the window at the scenery that would someday soon start to bloom again along with the Spring. Slowly he turned his look back to the older.
"So... how is he?"
"I visited him yesterday. I was anxious to, as Aki had visited him the day before and had had a good ol' man-to-man chat with him."
Kenzo's eyes widened at the news but he didn't say anything.
"Apparently he went to encourage Ruka to call or mail you. But knowing Ruka I knew he wouldn't do that easily, so I went to double-check that he got the point. There he was, alone at home, curling up on his sofa and hugging his coffee cup like you do now. Talked about needing to recover first before he could call you, or something," Ni-ya mumbled and stopped his story as the waitress came to ask what he'd like to drink. He ordered a hot tea and shook his head chidingly, a small smile lingering on his lips. "Aki and Sakito are crazy about this one tea and have made me drink it too everytime we meet. Now I order it even when I'm not with them."
"Sounds familiar. That's how it starts," Kenzo winked playfully, teasing the older about their seemingly close friendship with Sakito, like he had heard from Aki. Then he lowered his gaze back to his coffee. "So, Ruka..."
"Ah, yes, recovering, he says. Well, he has a lot to recover from. Perhaps he finally has realized what an idiot he has been and needs some time to accept it. Also, his weird hobbies to pass some time and keep you out of his mind have nearly brought him to hospital more than once, and there are still some traces left of it."

Kenzo looked at the older, tilting his head questioningly. Ni-ya seemed pondering and then groped his cell phone.
"I guess you should see this. This," he repeated, showing a picture of Ruka's face he had succeeded the other day to take a photo of.
Kenzo's eyes widened again and he looked rather scared, confused and to soon be on the verge of tears.
"Hey hey, he's already recovering. It's been way worse than that. He assured it was the last time he went to do it and that he's okay now."
"Last time...?" Kenzo asked, barely audibly.
"As I said, he had this weird hobby... to go get beaten up to keep his mind off you and punish himself for his wrong ways. Finally the idiot understood it's no use."
"He has... for me..."
"Kenzo, Kenzo, Kenzo... No. Not for you, for his idiotism. Don't take any fault of that. He is crazy, weird and a total mystery to all of us. I guess that's why we love him so much, you and I," Ni-ya smiled.
Kenzo returned the smile, knowing that Ni-ya's love for Ruka was brotherly. It comforted him to know that Ni-ya was aware of Ruka's problems and would chide him and keep him on the right track.
"So, I'm expecting that when the baka finally gets his face back in condition, aka recovers, he finally may give you a call. So, stay near your phone," the older winked and nodded at the waitress who brought him his tea.
"So, you think I should still wait for him and his calls... It may never happen," Kenzo muttered quietly, leaning to his hand with his chin, and looked out of the window, dreamily.
Ni-ya seemed pondering as he inspected the younger.
"Well... If not before, then how about after two months? That would give enough time for you both to recover and find the right track in your life."
"What happens after two months?" Kenzo asked, turning to look at the bassist again.
"You two go on a date! Until then, take care of yourself and enjoy of your band activities and friends. I will meanwhile take care of Ruka and prepare him to be the man you deserve, the man he'd want to be for you."
"Two months, huh... Spring... New start."
"Yeah. Lovely, isn't it?" Ni-ya laughed and sipped his tea, his eyes closed and seemingly enjoying of it.
Kenzo smiled tenderly at the older's expression.
"Yeah... it is."

~Here lies what is left of me. The rest is mystery. Ignore thyself.~ (Stan Rice)

Vuoden jännitys
Viestit: 495
Liittynyt: Pe Helmi 05, 2010 4:27 am

Re: Nothing you lose -NC17- ch.13/14 [Nightmare, Ayabie, SID

ViestiKirjoittaja Anraf » Ke Joulu 14, 2011 8:00 pm

Chapter 13.

Kenzo wouldn't come. Ruka was sure the younger wouldn't. But he still kept glancing hopefully around as he stood in front of the flowershop they were supposed to meet at. Many people looked at him as they passed by, him being so tall and practically doing nothing but standing under his umbrella. Perhaps he was in their way, who knows, but they were supposed to meet here with Kenzo, and he would wait. But he couldn't help but wonder if it would be like Ni-ya and Sakito had said; would Kenzo really come and give him a chance to show that he wanted to at least try being a better person for him? Would Kenzo still love and want him? Ruka stared down at his feet and his lips turned into a pout again. He was a stupid, hopeful fool who stood in the rain, waiting for a man who had not promised to come, man who he wouldn't even deserve.

Kenzo crossed a street after another, trying to make his way to Ruka as soon as possible. If the older even was waiting for him, who knew. Then again, actually Kenzo's worst fear was now that the older would be there, waiting for him, but after seeing him, would immediately regret, as Kenzo didn't feel at his best now. Why did it have to rain? It made it almost impossible to walk in a yukata and wooden shoes. Kenzo murmured to himself and fixed his hem every now and then as he tried to keep his fast pace. It would have been better to take a car, but where can you actually park a car on a night of a festival? Besides, they'd drink sake and maybe whiskey too, so driving back home was not an option. Home... or Ruka's place. Kenzo didn't know how their evening would turn out, but it had sounded promising when Ni-ya had said that Ruka seemed ready now for normal, casual dating. It sounded more than good. It sounded potential to lead them into an actual relationship. And they knew each other already so well, so they'd probably soon pass the get-to-know parts of dating and actually start being together officially. Kenzo had asked many times from himself if he still wanted that and if he still would in the future. As he had spent hours looking for a perfect yukata and then spent another hour fixing his hair - yeah - it was pretty clear he wanted to make an impression. He wanted Ruka to want him.

Ruka still stared into nowhere, deep in thoughts. If he'd call Kenzo it would look and sound desperate and pathetic. Besides, what could he say if the younger informed that he wasn't interested to see Ruka ever again? Then again, like he cared how pathetic it would make him look. He had already been pathetic enough letting go of Kenzo too many times. But no, not anymore; he would fight anyone and especially himself to be worthy to the younger from now on.
Finally his eyes caught a person approaching him who he recognized to be Kenzo - despite the fact that the man almost limped, looked washed by the wind and rain, and looked so frustrated that you could almost see a black cloud above his head. However, Ruka's lips turned into a smile as he looked at the man with golden brown hair and dark purple yukata. Kenzo noticed him too and the strict look on his face soothened a bit. Kenzo finally stepped in front of the taller drummer and gave him a long sigh.
"I hate rain. I'm all soaked up as I forgot my umbrella home. Ignore my hair; it really was fine when I left the house."
"It looks fine to me even now," Ruka smiled softly. He knew Kenzo had probably fixed it to make it look messy, cool and tempting, but now it was just licked down by the pouring rain. "You look good."
Kenzo lifted his gaze and met Ruka's gentle look. The older seemed so pure and real... and was really here, waiting for him, wanting to spend the day with him...
"The weathercast said that the rain would stop in the evening. Let's go buy the flower boats now and then go for a coffee to warm you up," Ruka suggested and Kenzo gave him an approving nod, following the older into the store.

The younger seemed to relax when they finally got into a warm cafeteria where they could sit on a soft, cozy bench. Ruka inspected Kenzo, who had cut his hair and bleached it. The younger looked different but his new style suited him well. Kenzo noticed Ruka's gaze and smiled a little behind his latte macchiato cup while he returned the glances. Ruka's now auburn hair had grown long and fell neatly on his shoulders and was partly lifted up to a casual ponytail. The older looked calm and beautiful in his black yukata that had grey ornaments in it. Ruka also wore lots of rings and all his piercings, which reminded Kenzo of the fact that the older still was a hardcore rocker.
"So...," Ruka said gradually, "You did at the Akasaka Blitz the drum MC I taught you back in the days..."
"Huh? Yeah... I did," Kenzo said, confused. "Who told you?"
Ruka smiled mysteriously and sipped his coffee.
"I saw it," he finally said as he placed his cup back on the plate.
Kenzo looked at him, surprised, and felt a warm wave running through his body, and it was not only for the coffee.
"You... come to see my gigs... often?"
"Heh." Ruka smirked.
"Are you trying to say that all this time you have been watching and observing me from the shadows?"
"Of course. I had to make sure all my teaching had not gone vain," Ruka said playfully.
"Pfft, I didn't even need any teaching," Kenzo joked.
"So they say."
The men exchanged smiles, amused by their playful conversation, and after finishing up their coffees they finally left to see the festival.

"I just love fireworks...," Kenzo sighed euphorically as the bright neon colors lighted up the sky.
"Yeah, blowing up things is a great fun," Ruka joked, making Kenzo shove him with his shoulder.
The older laughed and lifted his gaze at the sky. Being with Kenzo made him feel relaxed and good, although there was a tingling feeling in his stomach. The feeling that he always had near Kenzo. The feeling that made him want to pull the younger closer and kiss him like for the first time in life. Kenzo looked at the older and smiled softly. Ruka looked so beautiful under the bright, colorful lights. He moved his gaze at the river on which hundreds of flower boats floated. Festivals like this felt magical and brought people together. Once again they caught each other from glancing one another and stayed like that for a while, just drowning into each other's gaze.
"Satoru...," Kenzo said quietly, like blurting it out accidentally.
Only rarely anyone used Ruka's real name; actually only his family members and old friends did. Well, Kenzo was just as close to him, and Ruka permitted the younger to call him that. Somehow it felt even more personal, like they were just normal people who liked each other, not a members of a famous bands. Ruka smiled gently and slid his arm slowly on Kenzo's waist, pulling him a little closer and feeling softly his beautiful, slim body. He also felt his own body getting warm, lusting for more closeness from the younger. Kenzo fit perfectly in his armpit. Their height difference was perfect too - well, at least he thought so.

"Let's go eat and drink something," Ruka said softly.
"Yeah... in a bit." Kenzo nodded and leaned closer, moving his hand gently to the older's chest.
Being close to one another like that, without a hurry, it felt nice. They were free to love and spend all the time in the world together. Ruka put his hand on top of Kenzo's on his chest to caress and hold it softly and then pressed the long-waited kiss on his lips. Kenzo's lips responded immediately, nibbling and feeling Ruka's. As it was dark and crowded, it didn't matter if they kissed in public. Everyone was wearing a yukata and these days it was hard to tell the gender, anyway. Then again, not that they even cared if someone realized them both being men. Ruka clenched Kenzo's hand and pulled the younger closer from his waist.
"I love you. I'm sorry it took so long from this idiot to realize and say it," Ruka said quietly.
Kenzo lifted his gaze at the taller man and felt his heart skipping a beat. Ruka looked at him back, sincere but slightly embarrassed. Kenzo couldn't find words. The moment was so beautiful, so perfect, something he had waited for. He leaned his cheek on Ruka's chest and wrapped his arms tight around the older, squeezing like he'd never let go. And Ruka hoped Kenzo wouldn't.
"Satoru... Ru-Ru...," Kenzo sighed and lifted his head to smile chidingly at the older. "My idiotic love. Took you long enough..."
"Yeah...," Ruka smiled gently back and gazed dreamily into Kenzo's eyes.
Kenzo reached to kiss Ruka again and smiled.
"Alright. Let's go eat."

"So. Pasta." Ruka smiled at Kenzo when they received their meals.
"Lots of pasta," the younger laughed with a nod.
They had ended up ordering different pastas, having been undecisive of what to pick from the list. Now there was more than two plates on the table and they started leisurely picking some pasta from each. Ruka loved to watch Kenzo's euphoric face when the younger enjoyed of his meal. Kenzo had always seemed so happy when they had dined together at Ruka's house. But now it felt extremely good to dine out, together and alone. On an official date. And so far it had been a perfect date.
Kenzo noticed the older's stare and took a napkin to wipe his mouth.
"Sorry, I'm just so hungry."
"No, by all means, eat. I'm hungry too. But so are my eyes, so they were caught eating you...," Ruka said dreamily and smiled coyly.
Kenzo stared at the older drummer in awe for a moment, until an uncontrollable laughter bursted out.
"You're still as bad in flirting as before!"
"Really terrible," Kenzo laughed. "But thanks, point taken. You look good too."
He shook his head and continued eating while Ruka looked at him, confused.
"When have I flirted...?"
"Before we got to... that point," Kenzo said and glanced at the older. "You would say cheesy things like that and make me fight real hard either blushing or laughing."
"Hoi hoi, shut up," Ruka said, embarrassed, making Kenzo grin even more.
"However, I guess they finally got me, as I found myself in your bed."
"Are you saying you had no interest in me at the beginning?" Ruka pointed, looking at the younger questioningly.
"Well... who knows," Kenzo replied mysteriously.

Ruka snorted and shook his head, turning his glance away from Kenzo.
"How about Aki? Did he flirt, being better at it?" he suddenly asked.
Kenzo was surprised about Ruka bringing Aki's name into their conversation. Hesitantly, he took the bite he was directing to his mouth and then put the fork down, grabbing his drink.
"No. Aki doesn't flirt or do suggestive gestures. He rarely takes any initiative. He just is and waits that people will come to him. Only occassionally he will say straight what he wants. Well, actually very rarely," Kenzo explained, shrugging, and took a sup of his glass.
"I see..."
"But I like to be flirted to. Seduced," Kenzo smiled lopsidedly. Then his smile turned into a mischievous grin. "So, did you flirt with your other students too?"
"No," Ruka replied bluntly.
"How about to Satoshi?"
"You really want to know about it?" Ruka asked, raising his eyebrow.
Kenzo gave a hesitating nod and continued eating.
"We met at one party and it became clear that he wanted me. So, at one point I told him I like BDSM. He said he did too and then I gave him my address. There, happy?" the older said, crossing his arms, and looked at Kenzo inspectingly.
"No. Or yes, for not flirting with him or the others. I guess that makes me special, somehow," Kenzo muttered, lifting his gaze quickly at the older.
"You are special. I still have all the tapes of the sessions with my other students. You can look them through to see I acted very professional with them... compared to you."
"You'd let me see them to believe you?" Kenzo asked, surprised.
"Kenzo. I am not expecting you to trust in me just like that after everything. But I want you to trust me someday," Ruka said tenderly.
"I already trust you, silly. Why else would I be here with you?" Kenzo uttered with a laughter and shook his head.
"No, seriously. I will try to be trustworthy and honest, so you will see that I love, want and think only about you," Ruka said, placing his hand on top of Kenzo's on the table.
Kenzo smiled happily and then picked again some pasta to his fork and directed it towards Ruka's mouth.
"You're not eating at all," he grinned.
Ruka took it with a smile and gently caressed Kenzo's palm with his thumb.

After the dessert the men decided to call it a day. They took a taxi and Ruka gave the driver their addresses. When Kenzo realized the older wasn't expecting them to leave at the same address, he looked at Ruka questioningly.
"I want to date you casually and let you see how I am, see if you even want to be with me, before we start... again, you know," the older explained.
Kenzo looked at Ruka for a while with pondering expression and frowned. Then he turned to the taxi driver and said he'd leave at the same address where his companion. Ruka looked surprised but smiled then, feeling kind of happy that Kenzo wanted to continue their night.
"Date me by all means, flirt and buy me gifts, but never say I can't come over when I want," Kenzo said, still frowning.
"Alright," Ruka smiled tenderly. "I just didn't want you to think that I'm after something..."
"I am after something!" Kenzo said and placed his hand on Ruka's thigh.
The older gulped as the feeling Kenzo evoked in him with his confident touch and attitude was such a bliss, as always. He just loved it when Kenzo was rough and determined with him. Although he was usually the dominating one, with Kenzo he was completely at his mercy - whether the younger knew it or not.

When they left the cab, they entered the tall building where Ruka lived. As soon as the elevator and as its doors closed they started an intensive battle with lips and tongues.
"There goes my plans of waiting and doing this all properly," Ruka sighed as he kissed the younger, getting pressed against the wall.
"We are already through that, right? We can cut all that and just jump to the point where I love you and you love me, insanely," Kenzo sighed euphorically and moved Ruka's yukata a little to press lustful kisses on his collarbones and neck.
The older sighed in pleasure and couldn't help but let a resigned "yes" come out along with louder moans and gasps.
They finally entered Ruka's apartment and kicked off their shoes, starting immediately removing the yukata from one another. Kenzo felt relieved being freed of the unpractical clothing and eagerly slid Ruka's off too from the older's shoulders. Ruka stood still - tall, pale and sexy in his black boxers - and Kenzo pressed hungrily his lips on the bare chest, nibbling and leaving a soft red marks on it. They walked to the bedroom and fell on the bed, kissing passionately while their hands felt each other from everywhere. It was perfect - finally the long wait was over and rewarded.
"Say...," Ruka mumbled as he pressed kisses on Kenzo's cheek, neck and shoulder, "What if we'd take a bath together? Enoying slowly of each other..."
"Mm... You make it sound tempting," Kenzo smiled playfully, "But you torture me with this wait."
"Patience, love," Ruka smirked and pressed a kiss on Kenzo's nose before he rolled off and went to the bathroom to prepare a bath for them.
Kenzo groaned and touched himself gently, trailing his fingers on his stomach, moving down to his bulge. He looked at the drums under the window and remembered their practisings and their first times together, lying on this very same bed. He indeed was again at Ruka's home. It surprised him, confused even, but also made him happy.
"Babe, the bath is ready... What are you doing?" Ruka stopped and looked at Kenzo who was lying on bed, touching himself. "Starting without me?" the older grinned and took Kenzo's hands to pull him up from the bed.
"Maybe," the younger smirked. "Well, why you kept me waiting...," he hummed into Ruka's neck and gave it a nice suck.
"To make a bath," Ruka answered bluntly.
Kenzo laughed and headed to the bathroom.

Hot foam bath was just perfect way to relax after a long day in town. They rested in each other's arms, talking, while they softly caressed one another. Especially Ruka's hand loved to feel Kenzo's hardened member and Kenzo returned the favor by rubbing Ruka's. Soon it began to look like a playful game of who would lose their focus and selfcontrol first. Kenzo remembered well the right ways to rub the older and knew to tease his ear with a tongue at the same time, knowing how much the other would enjoy of it. Ruka, on the other hand, let his fingers caress Kenzo's sacks and slowly slid his index and middlefinger into the younger. It made Kenzo gasp and arch his back, grabbing Ruka's face, and nibble and kiss his lips fiercily. Ruka smiled at the reaction. Seemed like Kenzo was already more than turned on. Ruka turned a little to lean on top of the younger as he moved his fingers in and out in him. With his other hand he jerked Kenzo off, making the other drummer tilt his head back in pleasure.
Kenzo looked at Ruka's beautiful features and the long hair that covered half of his face. Gently he wiped away the auburn hair to meet the velvet, lustful gaze of the older. He stared at the kissable lips that looked happy and sad at the same time. There he was, his Ruka, his one true love.

"I'm coming," Kenzo gasped, not making Ruka stop but to continue even wilder for a while.
"Sit on the edge," the older said suddenly.
"Move up." Ruka nodded towards the edge where Kenzo's head rested.
"Ehh..." Kenzo felt confused but he still grasped the sides of the tub and lifted himself up to sit on the edge.
"Good," the older murmured with a mischievous smile and leaned closer to Kenzo's member.
He wiped the foam off and took the shaft in his mouth, gently and caressing, making Kenzo squirm in pleasure and clench the tub's sides.
"Ruka...," Kenzo hissed, unable to control himself any longer.
Soon he came into Ruka's mouth and the older seemed to enjoy of every drop. Ruka's preferences were sometimes more than unique - Kenzo knew that very well. Ruka let his hands wander on the younger's sides, chest and nipples while he teased and sucked the throbbing cock in his mouth. Kenzo tasted as good as he smelled. Kenzo's original scent was a sweet mix of soft cigarettes and black leather, with a dash of something musc-like. Kenzo's taste was something similar, and because Ruka liked it, he found it only natural to enjoy of Kenzo all the way.

"Ready for your turn?" Kenzo grinned, finally waking up from his euphoria. "Do you want to have me here?" he asked seducingly as he came down to the water to stand on his knees in front of the older.
"No... but I will come here so I'll endure longer when I make love to you in bed," Ruka replied.
Make love, not fuck. As much as Kenzo loved it either way, it was true that what he wanted now the most was just to be close to Ruka, gently and lovingly, recovering together from all those wounds of their times apart. Kenzo smiled at the older and pressed his lips on Ruka's neck, taking his member caressingly in his hand. His other hand wandered on Ruka's back and buttocks, feeling quickly the older's entrance. It reminded him of Satoshi's bragging about how the vocalist would try and get Ruka's ass someday. Kenzo wondered if Satoshi had succeeded... or someone else.
Ruka bit gently Kenzo's earlobe, not showing any sign to stop the fingers from wandering on his entrance. Not even when they entered him a little. He just breathed harder and slid his hands into Kenzo's hair and sucked his neck more hungrily. Kenzo's hand caressed and jerked the older off while his other hand's fingertips gently investigated him. With closed eyes Ruka searched for Kenzo's lips and ejaculated with a soft groan, kissing and nibbling the younger. Kenzo moved his both hands on Ruka's back and embraced the older and Ruka answered the same way. Ruka pressed kisses on Kenzo's cheek, ear and neck and snuggled him softly.

Their hugging and pecking continued also in bed - relaxing and being quiet, just inspecting each other and communicating without words. They were broken inside, yet together they felt stronger and whole. Finally Ruka moved slowly on top of Kenzo, tight against him, entering the younger while gazing him into eyes. Kenzo wore a faint smile and arched his body, trying to get used to the feeling he hadn't felt for a long time. Aki had never took him, so Ruka had been the last person doing that - and it was quite awhile ago. Ruka felt it, as Kenzo was tight and seemed a bit uncomfortable, just like he had looked and felt at their first times together. Those times had been beautiful. Kenzo had been so young and fresh and new to everything, and Ruka had just wanted to take the younger under his wings, even though they had been as black as his heart. Only now he realized it had been Kenzo that had made his heart feel something and be more light; Kenzo had been the wind under his ugly, crooked wings, carrying him in this vain life. And he had been near to lose his only light, his only hope.
"Goddammit," Ruka sighed at Kenzo's ear and softly stroke the golden brown hair of the younger.
Kenzo tried to turn his head to look at Ruka, but the older had buried his face into his neck.
The older was quiet, not even moving anymore, and Kenzo began to worry already. Had the older came to regret this? But soon his worries crumbled along with his heart at the words:
"I love you... I love you way too much. To think I almost lost you... your love..."
Kenzo squeezed Ruka tight against himself. The long, auburn hair of the older was still moist from the bath and tickled his neck, but he also felt Ruka's face wet against his skin. Was the older... crying?
"I love you too. I'm not going anywhere now. I'm not going to give up on you, no matter how headstrong and cold you'd try to be. I will deal with it. Just so you know," Kenzo smirked assuringly and took Ruka's face with both hands, pulling the older into a soft but demanding kiss.

Indeed, Ruka's lashes looked wet as did his cheeks too, but Kenzo wasn't sure whether it was from his wet hair or had the older really cried. This or that, the older looked vulnerable and sincere, and Kenzo's heart was racing for joy as much as it ached too, feeling the same kind of pain at the thought of being apart for so long. Their eyes met and with a gaze their thoughts and feelings united once again, comforting and soothing their agony. Everything was well, they were together now - finally, officially. Ruka pressed his lips on Kenzo's and started to move again - steadily and gently yet profoundly, making Kenzo gasp in pleasure and run his hands on Ruka's body, begging for more. It was amazing, for both of them. Lovemaking had never felt so good, and thus their orgasms were also mental, not only physical. After the climax they rested in each other's arms, looking at each other, smiling softly.
Kenzo ran his fingertips on Ruka's face and lips, suddenly looking worried as he remembered the bruises he had seen on the older's face and how he had heard from Ni-ya where they had came from.
"Don't hurt yourself anymore, baby," he said quietly and touched softly Ruka's lips.
The older looked at him with a hint of sorrow in his gaze, understanding Kenzo's words all too well.
"He looked like you. I wanted him to hurt me. Wanted you to hurt me. I don't deserve you..."
"Shh," Kenzo said softly, gently pressing his fingers on Ruka's lips. "Don't even start that. I am here now. And will be."
Ruka looked at Kenzo, quiet for a while. Then the faint smile grew on his lips and he gave an approving nod before he kissed the younger. Then he reached to shut the light and took Kenzo to sleep on his chest. As the room was dark, Kenzo suddenly felt it was a good moment to ask Ruka the thing that had puzzled his mind for some time.
"Uhun?" the older replied questioningly and snuggled his cheek against Kenzo's forehead.
"Satoshi once said he wants to take you... and that he will."
A short moment of silence landed between the men until Ruka broke it with an unexpected burst of laughter.
"Hey," Kenzo said, offended, although he wasn't sure if the older was laughing at him or Satoshi's words.
"Well it definitely didn't happen," Ruka laughed.
Kenzo smiled, happy to hear it and pressed a kiss on Ruka's chest and then snuggled his cheek against it.
"My Ruka."
"Exclusively," the older smiled. "If anyone, it would be you who could do it. Definitely no one else."
"Oh~?" Kenzo smirked. "I have to consider it then."
Ruka uttered an embarrassed laughter and pulled the blanket higher to cover them. Soon they fell asleep and slept until noon.

When Kenzo woke up, he was alone in bed. However, he could smell coffee in the air and knew Ruka had poured some. He rolled off of the bed and after quickly washing his face at the bathroom he went to the kitchen where the table was set with bread, sausage and cheese. Like back in the days. Kenzo smiled widely and took a plate, starting to build a double sandwich for himself. Ruka came from the balcony, apparently having had a cigarette, and smiled as he saw Kenzo had woke up.
"Uh, sorry if you're not used to this kind of breakfast...," he mumbled, a little bit embarrassed.
"I am used to exactly this kind of breakfast. I missed this!" Kenzo said, smiling happily as he munched his sandwich, leaning on the table.
Ruka walked to stand in front of Kenzo and put his hands on the younger's hips.
"I missed you," he said and kissed the shorter man. "And your sandwich looks good. Make me one too, I'll pour the coffee."
"Got it," Kenzo winked and turned around to make another sandwich.
Yes, he had missed exactly this. Ruka placed the coffee cups on the table and wrapped his arms around the younger again, leaning tight against Kenzo's back and biting his neck.
"Your sandwich, s'il te plaît," Kenzo laughed and shoved the bread between Ruka's lips that received it hungrily with a smile.
Ruka patted Kenzo's buttocks as a thanks and then moved to sit on his side of the table, Kenzo soon moving to sit on his. After they had ate and put everything away from the table, Ruka lifted Kenzo to sit on it and kissed him passionately. The younger laughed, knowing already so well how it would go. Ruka nibbled Kenzo's neck, making the younger wrap his arms around his neck and arch his back in pleasure.
"Sofa?" Ruka asked with a lustful, hoarse voice.
They moved there, Ruka almost tossing Kenzo to lay on it and soon followed him, topping the younger.
"Busy today?"
"Nope," Kenzo replied and looked at the older waitingly.
"Good. Then you're all mine today."
"Always," the younger grinned and melt into hundreds of kisses and touches that took him once again to the heavens and beyond.

~Here lies what is left of me. The rest is mystery. Ignore thyself.~ (Stan Rice)

    1 tykkää.
Vuoden jännitys
Viestit: 495
Liittynyt: Pe Helmi 05, 2010 4:27 am

Re: Nothing you lose -NC17- ch.14/14 [Nightmare, Ayabie, SID

ViestiKirjoittaja Anraf » Ke Tammi 04, 2012 1:38 pm

Chapter 14 - epilogue

"How about this one?" Ruka asked, and Kenzo could hear amusement in his tone.
Kenzo snorted and wrapped his arms tighter around himself, inspecting with his gaze the bed in front of them. If they were about to buy a new bed, it should be perfect all the way and not picked hastily.
"Well?" Ruka asked, shoving his hands deeper into his pockets and glancing at the bed and Kenzo.
"I don't know."
"Okay, that means you don't like it," Ruka nodded knowingly.
"Well, sorry." Kenzo shrugged and moved his gaze from the older.
"No problem," Ruka smiled lopsidedly and they continued walking the isle that was full of different kinds of beds and other bedroom furnitures.
Kenzo looked around rather cautiously, making Ruka hum with a tender smile.
"I think you're just nervous about this."
"About moving in together."
"Nah, I'm cool with it," Kenzo muttered.
Ruka uttered a laughter and suddenly pushed Kenzo to sit down on one of the beds.
"Just cool with it?"
Kenzo lifted his gaze at the taller man and clenched the edge of the bed. He bit his lip and felt a little warmth of blush on his cheeks. Ruka stood so tall and beautiful there... Soon they'd live together and could always be with one another. What more could he hope for? Well, a kiss, right now... Ruka noticed Kenzo's gaze and smiled at the younger, soon joining him in bed.
"Hmm. This feels good. Nice. Soft. But not too soft," Ruka pondered.
"Yeah, not too soft," Kenzo agreed.
"Bounce on it."
"What?" the younger laughed doubtfully.
"Move, test how it feels," Ruka smiled.
Kenzo shook his head chidingly and turned his gaze away.
"Come on, don't be coy. We have to check if it's good all the way, right?" the older teased.
"You bounce on it, then," Kenzo snorted and tried to hide his embarrassment.
Ruka sighed and laid down on his back, staring at the ceiling. Kenzo was surprised at first but then turned on his side too, leaning on his elbow as he looked at the older drummer.
"Not too soft and not too hard," Ruka decided.
"You're right. And even if we move around on it like this, the mattress doesn't bounce too much. As in, I don't have to wake up when you get up before me," Kenzo grinned.
"Should we take this then?" Ruka smiled, and for a moment he got lost staring at Kenzo's smile and eyes that shone brightly. The younger looked just as happy as he was.
Kenzo nodded and smiled lovingly back. He wanted to press a kiss on his lover's lips but that would have been too much in public.
"I wonder if we could change the ends, though," Ruka wondered.
"We must. Let's go look for those next," the younger nodded.


They had been lucky to find in Tokyo a big, beautiful apartment with large windows and lots of space. They agreed that the colors in the house should be dark and natural, so most of their furnitures and fabrics were the color combinations of black, white and red. It was wonderful how they just agreed about everything as they planned and decorated their new home together. Even the new bed seemed to have been a very good choice. New house, new bed and new everything - a new start.
Kenzo stood in the bedroom, hands on his hips, and looked around. The bedroom was big and had lots of light - it was surprising how Ruka understood and respected even the younger's need to have daylight in their house. Above the bed hung a certain KISS poster along with other pictures. Overall the house looked very much like them both, and it really felt like home. It made them feel that now the things finally were as supposed to. Suddenly a warm embrace from behind woke Kenzo up from his thoughts. Ruka held the younger close and hummed softly into his hair.
"Our home."
"Our bedroom."
"Our bed..."
"I want you in it," Ruka purred and nibbled softly Kenzo's earlobe.
"The guests will come soon. Are you sure we don't need anything else from the grocerystore? I could go and get something if needed," Kenzo asked.
"No, let's put that time in better use," the older smirked and kissed Kenzo's neck while his hands begun to run on the younger's body.
"Right right, that's what I definitely want: to be half-naked when Ni-ya and Sakito come here so they'll have a reason to poke us again," Kenzo laughed and turned around to look at his lover.
"Half-naked? No, I want you completely naked," Ruka smirked and pushed Kenzo to sit on the bed.
"No, seriously. I bet they're going to do that again tonight."
"Do what?"
"Say things like 'kiss again, we want to see! Aww!' Things like that," Kenzo said and sneered.
"Well, I guess it's the least we can do for those two cunning bastards who kept pestering us to get us together," Ruka smiled, amused, and stooped to kiss Kenzo.

The younger laughed and wrapped his arms around Ruka's neck.
"Then I guess we could just let them see one of our studying videos?" Kenzo grinned.
"Uhuh... Wait, what? No," Ruka uttered and looked at the younger, confused.
Kenzo laughed at Ruka's embarrassed expression and kissed him again, pulling the older properly on bed, next to him. Kenzo turned a little to snuggle Ruka and placed kisses on the older's neck and cheeks, smiling happily.
"No, seriously, I've been thinking...," he muttered while he continued his kissing.
"I'd like to thank them..."
"Nah, they're just Ni-ya and Sakito," Ruka snorted, his eyes closed, as he enjoyed fully of the soft pecks from the younger.
"You may think so, but still...," Kenzo mumbled and stopped to stare at Ruka.
The older opened his eyes and met the sincere gaze of the younger.
"They get free drinks and foods tonight. Isn't that enough?" Ruka asked.
Kenzo just shook his head gently, making the older smile softly. Ruka was grateful too, of course, but what could they give as a thanks? Not that his bandmates were even expecting anything; they just seemed happy that their plan had worked out and their drummer had stopped sulking.
"Hmm, free live porn is the best I can come up with unless you have something else in your mind," Ruka grinned.
"You always have porn in your mind," Kenzo chided with a smirk.
"I think it's essential for a Nightmare member..."
"Haha, true that," the younger said and moved to top Ruka.
As they kissed again, Ruka's hands wandered onto Kenzo's buttocks and the younger slowly moved to bite Ruka's neck.
"Looks like you're up for one fast round too," Ruka smirked and started to open Kenzo's fly.
"It's hard to resist you and your valid arguments," Kenzo grinned and pulled Ruka's shirt off.
Suddenly the doorbell rang.
"Then again, we can always trust your bandmates to help...," Kenzo sighed and rolled off the bed.
"Not so quickly," Ruka said, pulling Kenzo back. "They can wait."
"Doubt it," Kenzo laughed as the doorbell soon rang again.
"I can't believe it...," the older murmured, reluctantly letting go of his lover.
"We have the rest of our lives to be together," Kenzo winked as he pulled his zipper up.
Then he went to the hallway to open the door while Ruka leaned on his elbows on the bed, watching him and smiling.


"What are you humping again at me again?" Yomi snorted and pushed Hitsugi away.
"N-no, I wasn't, I just tripped," the guitarist excused.
Ni-ya and Sakito watched their bandmates from the kitchen's doorway and then looked at each other.
"Do you think what I think?" Ni-ya smirked and received a knowing smile and a nod from the guitarist.
"Do you know what I think?" Ruka said, suddenly appearing behind them, and leaned on their shoulders with his arms. "Forget it."
"No no, look," Ni-ya said knowingly and nodded towards Yomi and Hitsugi.
"I look. And you two can look too, but nothing else."
"Aww, come on. Don't you think it would be cute if they..."
Sakito laughed at the men and shook his head.
"It's really useless to tell him no..."
"Good, you have learned!" Ni-ya smiled.
Sakito smiled coyly back and turned to look at their other bandmates again. Ruka groaned, letting go of the two, and passed between them to go look for Kenzo. He found his lover talking to Aki and a couple of other friends among many they had invited. Or Kenzo had invited, rather. Ruka was glad seeing Aki and Kenzo getting along still, as the last thing he had wanted was to separate Kenzo from his best friend.

"Everyone enjoying themselves?" Ruka asked and stopped to stand behind Kenzo.
Kenzo turned to smile at his lover and leaned his back against Ruka's chest. The older stroke gently his sides and then left his hands on his waist.
"I didn't even know there'd be this big apartments in Tokyo!" Takehito said, impressed. "I also like the way you have decorated this."
"Well, Kenzo's father used some of his connections and got us this place," Ruka explained.
Aki inspected quietly the two drummers and felt a bit nostalgic. Kenzo was apparently happy and Ruka seemed too, so it was all good, but... he still felt a bit weird now that he was the loner and those two were a pair. Even though Ni-ya and Sakito had gave him company lately and had tried to convince him that he'd find someone better, someone who is more suitable for him and would love him insanely, he still doubted it sometimes.
"Does your parents know... of you two?" he finally asked Kenzo.
Kenzo looked at Aki for a while and shook his head with a faint smile.
"Nah, I don't think so. But they promised to support my musical carreer, so I guess they thought it's okay to get me an apartment with another musician, especially a famous drummer like Ruka."
"I'm famous to your parents?" Ruka asked, glancing amusedly at Kenzo.
"They have tried to catch up with the music scene and have noticed Nightmare is mentioned everywhere, so yeah... And they know you used to teach me too," Kenzo smiled softly.
"Hopefully they didn't learn about it from the DVD's like I did," Aki said in a significant tone, making the drummers look at him a bit surprised.
However, Aki grinned at them playfully - a pacific sign that he was already okay with it. Kenzo smiled, relieved, and nodded.
"I think my folks just insist to live in some happy bubble, so I won't bother popping it by telling the truth about their son."
"But your mother invited us for a family dinner next weekend," Ruka noted.
"Um, what?" Kenzo turned to stare at the older.
"Oh, right, I forgot to tell you. She called, and..."
"Uh, yeah... We had a chat and then she said she'd like to meet me in person. I told her we both have a free weekend, so she invited us for dinner," Ruka explained with a smile.
"Why would you go tell her that...," Kenzo growled and buried his face in his palms.
Ruka blinked a few times, realizing this was an issue that Kenzo definitely would bring up later, so he decided to quickly change the topic.
"So, Takehito, you probably haven't seen our bedroom yet. I think that's the room I like the most."
"Better learn to like the livingroom too and its couch, if you keep pulling up these kind of things...," Kenzo muttered and glared at his lover.
Ruka laughed pacifically and put his arm again around Kenzo's waist and pulled the younger into his armpit, starting to walk them towards the bedroom.

Aki didn't follow the drummers and Takehito; he wasn't that interested in their bedroom. He headed into kitchen where Sakito and Ni-ya were discussing while they leaned on the big marble counter that divided the space.
"Ah, Aki," Ni-ya smiled, "How's it going?"
"Looking for a drink?" Sakito asked and nodded towards the various bottles on the counter.
"No... For some reason I don't feel like drinking today," Aki replied, shaking his head. He leaned his back against the counter as well and sighed. "So, what are you two up to this time?"
"Do we look like scheming something again?" Sakito laughed.
"Yes, actually," Aki smiled.
Suddenly Ni-ya's phone informed about a message and the older bassist looked focused as he typed a reply back. Sakito glanced at him and then turned to Aki.
"We have been following Hitsugi and Yomi today," he explained with a soft tone. "There has always been something between those two, but lately Hitsugi seems even more clumsy and coy near Yomi, and Yomi seems embarrassed. We were just wondering if something has happened, or if something would happen..."

Aki didn't say anything, he just looked into the living room where Yomi and Hitsugi sat on the floor, watching TV and sometimes talking. A soft smile grew on his lips, making Sakito tilt his head questioningly.
"Do you have something in mind? I know how close you are with Hitsugi. Do you know something about this?"
Aki hesitated at first, but then replied: "Those two kissed a couple of weekends ago. They were ever so drunk. I was sure they wouldn't even remember, but... I guess it meant so much to Hitsu that he did remember it... Maybe it made him realize something about his feelings. But I don't know about Yomi... Maybe he..."
"He hasn't yet, or just tries to resist his feelings?" Sakito guessed.
"Well, I'm sure it's not just one-sided if they got that far as to kiss. And looking at those two, well... They're meant to be," the guitarist smiled softly. "Perhaps Yomi would just need a reminder that someone else could be interested in Hitsugi too and might grab him if he won't?"
"Ah, making Yomi jealous? Well, it might work, or then not. The difficult part is that Hitsugi won't let anyone else that close to him," Aki laughed.
"But you. He lets you as close, right?"
"Wh-what? So... I should go and try to seduce Hitsugi?" Aki asked, his eyes widening in shock.
"Very charming plotting, Saki, but Aki has other things to do now," Ni-ya informed and finally shoved his phone back into his pocket.

Sakito turned to look at Ni-ya and frowned a little.
"Don't pout me like that," the bassist said softly. "I really liked your idea, but Aki has to go to a grocery store now."
"What, why?" Aki asked.
"If you won't drink tonight, then go buy something that you'd like. I don't want to see any sulky faces here on a night that we're supposed to celebrate our great achievements."
Aki glared at the older bassist, making Ni-ya smile apologetically.
"Alright, I guess you don't feel like celebrating tonight, but someday you will. When you realize it was better this way. When you sing hallelujah in bed for someone gorgeous and..."
"Alright, Ni-ya, that's enough," Sakito said and placed his hand on the bassist's arm.
"Yeah, I got the point," Aki nodded with an amused, a little chiding smile.
"Buy whatever you feel like, it's all on me," Ni-ya said, groping his wallet, and took some cash from there. "And bring me a pack of cigarettes too."
Aki took the money and nodded hesitantly. As Ni-ya escorted Aki to the hallway, suddenly the doorbell rang. Ruka mumbled something from the bedroom, so Ni-ya quickly shouted:
"I'll get it!"
The bassist opened the door and Tatsuro stood there in a white blouse and blue jeans, his long black hair running freely on his shoulders. Aki looked at the vocalist from the head to his toes and then gave a hesitant nod to the older for a greet. He wasn't sure if Tatsuro was invited by Kenzo or Ruka, or had the vocalist just once again invited himself, like he had a bad habit to do. Regardless, he was happy to see another famililar face who seemed to have come alone like he had. And lately they had hanged out more often with the MUCC vocalist, thanks to Ni-ya, who seemed to enjoy inviting them to drink together. Ni-ya... Aki turned to look suspiciously at the older bassist, who smiled mischievously at his side.
"Oh, Tatsuro~. What a coincidence."
What Aki had learned on these past few weeks he had hanged out with Sakito and Ni-ya, there was no coincidences when it came to those two. Ponderingly he glanced at the older bassist, who hurried to continue:
"Aki was just about to go to a grocery store. Perhaps you could accompany him? No, I insist you do. Can't let him go there alone this late, looking this good and all, right?"
Tatsuro looked at Aki for a while and smiled softly.
"Alright. I'm not in any hurry to see the drummers' luxury apartment, anyway."
Aki smiled too and passed the vocalist, who turned around to follow him. Ni-ya smiled, pleased, and closed the door and returned back to the kitchen.

Sakito was still leaning on the counter and seemed pondering.
"Hello, loner. You come here often~?" Ni-ya asked playfully and grabbed a bottle of beer, creating flirty gazes at the guitarist.
"Haa haa. Your pick-up lines won't bite me," Sakito snorted.
"I have noticed. You're a tough one," the bassist winked.
"Seriously, what are we going to do about those two?" the guitarist sighed, nodding at Yomi and Hitsugi. "I feel almost sorry for them, for I can tell they'd really like to hold hands and cuddle and confess their feelings... What?" Sakito asked, when he noticed that Ni-ya was staring at him with a velvet gaze.
"Nothing. Go on."
"O...kay? Well, I was thinking that maybe I should just go and talk to them about it."
"You know how Yomi would react. Denial, denial and more denial. And for it to happen in front of all this people, it would scar Hitsugi deeply," Ni-ya noted.
"Ah, true... But then what can we do?"
"We'll think of something..."
They continued pondering the issue for some time, sipping their drinks, when suddenly Ni-ya's phone rang. The bassist nodded an excuse to Sakito and vanished into balcony. It surprised Sakito a little, because Ni-ya could very well have answered the phone in the kitchen too, as they were there alone. Shrugging to himself, he decided he could go socialize with other people then for a change, so he took his bottle and walked to the living room and sat down on the couch.
"It's hot in here," Intetsu muttered and leaned over Sakito to open the window behind the guitarist. "Will you get cold if we air the room a little?"
"No, it's fine. It really is quite hot in here," Sakito smiled back.
Intetsu decided to sit next to him and started a casual conversation about Kenzo's and Ruka's house and its location and so on.

Suddenly, Sakito startled when he heard Ni-ya's shout from the window.
"What do you mean he went home?! Then go after him! I gave him to you like on a silver plate and you just let him go like that? I have prepared this for months... Well, I don't know what you should do about it, you're the one who's always prepared to do something in unexpected situations like this. Do something funny, make him laugh, and for god's sake, tell him about your feelings already! Har har, very funny. We're talking about you and not me now. Do it! There's no coming back here alone, so you know."
Sakito clenched the bottle in his hands and stared at it blankly. Who was Ni-ya talking to? What had the bassist schemed without telling him? And what feelings Ni-ya had and for who? So many questions, and none of Ni-ya's conversation on the phone made any sense. They were partners in crime, always scheming together and Ni-ya would always tell everything to him, no matter what it was. He gave a quick smile to Intetsu and returned to the kitchen. He put the bottle down and leaned with his hands above the counter, staring at its marble surface. Somehow it felt really bad to know Ni-ya had done something behind his back. Perhaps they weren't as close as he had thought they were? And those feelings Ni-ya had... Seriously, what was that about?

Ni-ya entered the kitchen and noticed Sakito there, crouching above the counter. The guitarist turned his head to give Ni-ya a glare and then turned to stare at the counter again. Ni-ya flinched, surprised by the rather hostile look, but moved to stand next to the guitarist.
"So. How are your affairs going?" Sakito asked with bittersweet tone.
"What affairs?"
"That's actually what I would like to know. Then again, I don't. Doesn't matter."
Sakito shrugged and turned around to leave, but suddenly Ni-ya placed his hands on the counter, capturing the honeyblonde guitarist between them, and stared at him intensively.
"Tell me, what's wrong?"
"You don't tell me everything either, so why should I?"
"Oh. So, you heard me talking there? I shouldn't have shouted like that. But that guy really gets to my nerves sometimes...," Ni-ya muttered, embarrassed, and rubbed the back of his head.
"That guy?"
"Somehow I knew it was him. You're trying to get him together with Aki, aren't you? How could you not tell me?!" Sakito asked, offended.
"Because I knew to expect such a strong reaction from you. Besides... I came up with that idea only recently..."
"What is recently?"
"Well... Last spring?"
"It's months, then, not recently!" the guitarist growled and moved his head to look at the fine closets and decoration of the kitchen to rid his gaze from Ni-ya's eyes.
"Well... I have to admit I've been quite confused, because... Well, you and Aki got so well along and I thought that..."
Ni-ya gulped at Sakito's glare. He had never seen the guitarist so angry and irritated. That was tempting yet scary.
"I wasn't sure if there was something going on between you two, or starting..."
"So you decided to put Tatsuro take Aki from the picture?"
"He's not disappearing from the picture. We can all still hang out together like we have lately."
"First of all, I can't believe you have schemed all this without me knowing! And also, how can you be so stupid that you didn't see that I have been just a friend to him? There goes whatever little there was left of my respect for you and your cunning and intuitive mind," Sakito snorted, crossing his arms on his chest.

Ni-ya looked at the pouting guitarist and sighed. He moved to lean his back on the counter and crossed his arms too.
"Yeah, I guess I have let my focus down and become paranoid or something, imagining such things. But I had my reasons... I'm sorry, I really wanted to share this thing with you before, but I wasn't sure if you'd agree with me. If you hadn't, my plans would have been ruined. Aki needed time to gather and find himself with us. I think he's ready now to start a new relationship, and I can tell you that Tatsuro is crazy about him. Ever since I made him confess me he had feelings for Aki, he's been praising him endlessly. Hopefully he can tell about his feelings to Aki tonight."
"Feelings... Say, is there anything else I should know? Any other plot, plan, scheme going on in your life?" Sakito asked, turning to look at the darker man.
Ni-ya didn't look back, just stared blankly forward.
"Like I believed you even if you had said that with more enthusiasm! I heard your whole conversation on the phone."
"You eavesdrop my calls?"
"Intetsu happened to open the window and your voice carried from the balcony. I didn't mean to, but I probably should, to stay on track of your doings and plans," Sakito snorted with a faint smile.
Ni-ya was relieved that the guitarist seemed to have calmed down a little.
"Are you worried that our times as partners in crime would be over? No worries, there's always things to do. We should still think what to do with those two," the bassist said and nodded to the livingroom where their bandmates played with PlayStation.
"Don't change the subject. If you still want me to be your partner in crime, you tell me everything what's going on."
"Curious about my life?"
"Of course," Sakito nodded with serious face, moving to stand in front of Ni-ya. "Because if I catch you hiding anything like this from me again, I'll call our little gaming off once and for all. After that we're just bandmates and nothing else."
"Uhuh, you're pretty fierce today, Saki. Whatever got you so worked up? If you're that interested in me, you should just say it straight," Ni-ya grinned.
"I just don't want to be left out...," Sakito muttered, moving his gaze from the darker man.
"But what if I just don't think you're ready or suitable to hear everything that goes in my mind?"
"How could I not be? I could expect anything from you. Besides, I have learned to like it..."
"That's true," Ni-ya said, smiling softly, and lifted his hand to caress Sakito's face gently. "Alright. There's one thing I haven't told you. It's like an eternal project and I don't know how it will turn out, or if it ever will, but..."
"What is it?"
"Don't be mad that I've kept it from you a lot longer than this Aki and Tatsuro thing..."

Sakito was pulling from Ni-ya's touch, but suddenly felt the bassist's lips on his. A soft gasp escaped from his mouth before he gave into the kiss. They felt carefully each other's lips, nibbling and tasting them softly, until their tongues met and their arms wrapped them into a firm embrace.
"Are you insane...?" Sakito gasped, quite shocked yet in wonderful bliss.
"I must be. Risking everything. I don't know if you were ready for this or if you'd ever be, but you wanted me to reveal all my secrets. This was the biggest and the only one," Ni-ya said with a hoarse voice and returned Sakito's velvet gaze.
They were quiet for a while until Sakito shook his head and said:
"Then I have to say you are an idiot indeed. How blind do you have to be to not have realized how much I love you? If you'd ask me to come and jump from Tokyo Tower with you for some random idea you happen to believe in, I would. Doesn't that prove how important you are to me?"
"Well, a man who would be so stupid to jump from Tokyo Tower would probably be stupid enough to love someone like me. Alright, I believe you," Ni-ya grinned and looked at Sakito lovingly.
Sakito sighed and shook his head chidingly. Ni-ya's smile grew and he wrapped his arms tighter around the guitarist, embracing him firmly.
"Shit... My angel, how long I have waited to hold you like this..."
"Idiot...," Sakito mumbled again and leaned his chin on Ni-ya's shoulder, returning the tight embrace.
"I love you. Don't ever think I'd want to be partners in crime with anyone but you," Ni-ya growled and kissed Sakito.
As their kiss turned more passionate, Sakito jumped and wrapped his legs around the bassist. Ni-ya moved to put the guitarist to sit on the kitchen counter and continued kissing his lips, chin, neck, everything he could. Sakito's hands ran under the bassist's shirt, scratching it softly as he tilted his neck back, enjoying of the pleasure the other gave him.

"What the fu..."
Kenzo's voice shook them from their bliss and they met the surprised gaze of the drummer. Ruka stood at Kenzo's side and just stared at them blankly, though his expression still spoke of a surprise too. Soon Sakito and Ni-ya realized Hitsugi was there too, giggling and trying to hide his surprise behind his hand that covered his mouth. Yomi soon appeared there too and Sakito felt his cheeks getting red. Yomi seeing them like this could no how be a good thing.
"We're supposed to cook on that counter!" Kenzo growled.
"Come on, like you two sex maniacs wouldn't have already test drived every surface in your new apartment," Ni-ya noted, making Ruka smile a little amused.
"True. At least they have their clothes on," Ruka commented and pulled Kenzo closer to press a kiss on his cheek.
"That being said, I think I don't want my Saki to sit on this counter, after all," Ni-ya said and helped the guitarist down.
"Your Saki," Yomi said gloomily.
"Uhuh...," Hitsugi gulped and took a step aside, further from the vocalist.
"Got a problem, Yomi? Just because you refuse to give into your feelings and admit that you want to be with Hitsugi, doesn't mean that we'd have to. We have waited already long enough. He is my Saki now," the bassist groaned and pulled Sakito into a firm embrace.
"You and Hitsugi?" Kenzo asked, turning to look at Yomi, who silently glared at their bassist. "Yomi and you?" Kenzo asked, turning to look now at Hitsugi, who blushed a little and gave a quick nod before moving his gaze down.
Kenzo inspected the two and then his expression got brighter.
"That's wonderful news! I've been wondering when you'd settle down and find someone you want to be with. Yomi must be exactly what you need!" Kenzo smiled.
"And vice versa. With Yomi's temper, only Hitsugi can put up with that. I think they balance each other well," Ruka said knowingly.
"Stop talking like we were a pair," Yomi hissed.
"Oh, but you are," Sakito smiled. "Ni-ya and I were a pair too, long before we got to say it out loud."
They looked at each other lovingly with Ni-ya, and soon the bassist pressed his lips again on Sakito's.

"Awwh." Ruka smiled and stroke gently Kenzo's waist.
"I hope you won't get lonely in band trainings when you have to watch everyone else acting all cute and cuddling there," Kenzo grinned playfully at Ruka and then glanced at Hitsugi, who smiled coyly.
"Once again, don't speak like I was having any relationship here," Yomi muttered, glaring at them.
Hitsugi frowned and bit his pierced lip. After thinking awhile he stepped closer to Yomi and looked at the vocalist intensively. Before Yomi could ask what the other one was staring at, his lips were captured by Hitsugi's.
"Didn't I tell you last time that your piercings scratch me, so take them off if you're about to kiss me?" Yomi growled when their lips parted.
"You... Remember that kiss?" Hitsugi asked, surprised.
"Yeah... And if you do too, then what is this?" Yomi frowned.
A smile grew on Hitsugi's lips and suddenly he wrapped his arms around the vocalist. Yomi tried to pull back, but the guitarist's embrace was tight.
"Don't worry, I can take my piercings off and then kiss you. But right now I just want to hug you," Hitsugi hummed happily.
"Who said you can kiss me even then?"
"You did. But even if you wouldn't want me to, I will. What can you do about it?" Hitsugi smiled widely, making Yomi confused and look at their bandmates for help.
Ni-ya lifted his eyebrows significally, an amused smile on his lips as he held close Sakito, who smiled gently while leaning his cheek on the bassist's shoulder.
"Yeah, what can you do about it, Yomi?" Ruka asked with a cheerful, a little mocking tone. "Fire him?"
"Like hell I could fire a guitarist like him," Yomi growled.
"Awww, was that a compliment?" Hitsugi asked, still smiling happily.
Yomi sighed and shook his head.
"You are impossible."
"I'm everything you want me to be," Hitsugi nodded and looked at Yomi into eyes.
He approached his lips again, hesitatingly, and noticing that the vocalist didn't try to pull back, he kissed him again. This time Yomi answered the kiss and slid his hands into Hitsugi's multicolored, messy hair.

"I have always wondered howcome your houseparties turn everytime into somekind of an orgy. Apparently the same thing goes again," Kenzo said to Ruka.
"I don't know. Perhaps I have some sexual aura around me. Or maybe it just is a Nightmare thing," Ruka shrugged with a smirk.
"Yeah, speaking of sexual things, I think you should hide better that one DVD named 'Ruka losing his butt virginity'. It was almost on top of your DVD pile," Ni-ya noted, making Sakito burst in laughter.
"What?!" Ruka said, his eyes widening as he turned to Kenzo. "You filmed it?!"
Ni-ya bursted in laughter too, looking at their drummer being seemingly embarrassed and Kenzo standing in front of him, surprised as well.
"N-no... Of course not. Hey, if there is one, it's not with me, then," Kenzo said, and realizing it, he began to frown.
Ruka smiled, looking normal now, and brushed gently the younger's cheek with his thumb.
"They're just playing pranks on us. There is no such DVD. They just wanted to test if we have done it."
"Me taking you?" Kenzo asked.
"Well played, for a second I already thought you had gave into your Kenzo," Ni-ya smirked.
"You're apparently losing your skill to stay on track with these things," Sakito chided his lover.
"What, you just thought so too, didn't you?"
"Yeah, but... You are Ni-ya," Sakito smiled and pressed a kiss on the bassist's lips before leaning his cheek again on his shoulder.
Ni-ya liked the way his name sounded when Sakito said it - so lovingly, admiringly and tenderly. Hitsugi and Yomi still continued kissing, completely ignoring the others. Apparently Hitsugi's piercings didn't bother the vocalist anymore. Kenzo smiled at Ruka and tried to reach his ear to whisper something. Ruka stooped a little bit and his eyes widened when he heard what Kenzo said. Ni-ya uttered a laughter and turned to Sakito:
"Well, now I can bet my balls that Kenzo just informed Ruka that he will take him tonight."
Ruka turned to glare at the bassist while Kenzo smiled, amused.
"That's right. He owes me it for something. The least he can do is to do what I want tonight."
"I always do...," Ruka reminded, mumbling. "Besides, it's not my fault that your mother called to our house phone and not your cell phone. If she wants to meet me, then what can I do about it?"
"Well, at least I know what I will do to you, now," Kenzo muttered and took Ruka's hand, taking him into bedroom.

"Alright, I think our work is done now," Sakito smiled and nodded towards Hitsugi and Yomi. "Everyone has each other. I just wonder how Aki is doing..."
"Probably fine. I believe Tatsuro will take good care of him. Besides, it's good that we don't have any more projects at the moment. Now we can just focus on each other," Ni-ya smiled mischievously and began to kiss Sakito's neck teasingly.
"Then of what are we going to play chess next time?"
"Hmm, how about clothes?"
"Oh, welcome back, mister Ni-ya, the master of planning and scheming~," Sakito said with honey tone, looking into his lover's playful eyes. Soon his laughter melted against Ni-ya's soft yet demanding lips.


A/N: But what did happen to Aki??? I guess you have to read here to find out... ;)

~Here lies what is left of me. The rest is mystery. Ignore thyself.~ (Stan Rice)

    3 tykkää.
Vuoden jännitys
Viestit: 495
Liittynyt: Pe Helmi 05, 2010 4:27 am

Re: Nothing you lose -NC17- ch.14/14 [Nightmare, Ayabie, SID

ViestiKirjoittaja gnrbu » Ma Elo 06, 2012 12:21 am

Oo-kay, I had not read this fic before. I had no idea you'd written something like this. ^^; Let me guess, you wrote this around the time you started hanging out with PassionMinds' Aki? The theme and plot are kinda screaming it. :D But hey, I like their plays, and I liked this, too!

First impression: Superlong summary. It could've been a fic on its own! And it was explained very well in Ni-ya and Ruka's conversation. A little bit of fleshing out and you wouldn't have needed the summary at all. Second impression: I like a wallowing Ruka. So goth, so enjoyable to read. I'm a sucker for fics in which the main character only has himself to blame for his suffering. But I also liked Kenzo and Aki's newfound happiness, so unlike Outspoken, this time I actually enjoyed reading about the characters' struggles of trying to decide who to love. Once again you included a meddler (this time the role went to Ni-ya), whose sole purpose was to get the main characters break up and get together at appropriate times without any plot of his own. Have you noticed you tend to do this?

It took longer than I expected, but overall Kenzo managed to get rid of Aki and back to Ruka pretty easily. I liked Aki finding out about Kenzo and Ruka's past and the fight that ensued, and I'd have liked to have even more intense scenes like that.

In the past days I've read two fics with Aki and two fics with Kenzo (as well as three with Tatsurou and two with Satoshi), and I've also read other Aki fics from you before. Obviously you've given them all kinds of roles in your stories, but I can't really summarize Aki's or Kenzo's personalities based on your fics. I think you spend more time describing their looks than characters, and as far as the plots go, your characters often end up doing what they have to do instead of what they would want to do.

    2 tykkää.
Vuoden Kaoru
Viestit: 2497
Liittynyt: Ti Maalis 24, 2009 12:05 am

Re: Nothing you lose -NC17- ch.14/14 [Nightmare, Ayabie, SID

ViestiKirjoittaja Anraf » Ma Elo 06, 2012 3:36 am

Hahah, I don't think PassionMinds's Aki had much to do with this, since I've read only a couple of ShinjiAki stories from them and one MaoYumehito. Their S/M is too extreme for me and I have told that to her. ^^;

Anyway, this story was rather written at the time when I fell insanely for Ruka but still tried to hold on to my sweet, idyllic love for Aki and Kenzo. Then I started calculating the facts in this triangle... Hitsugi and Kenzo became best friends when Kenzo was new in the business, so of course Hitsu must have introduced him also to his band, and since Ruka and Kenzo are both drummers... why wouldn't they have got involved at least a little? (though Ruka has and always will be an antisocial hermit...) Anyway, a little mindplay like this was all I needed to write this story.

Hey, for a 14 chapters long fic that was a SHORT summary. :D
But maybe next time I'll come around with something shorter and impressive, like the ones in the movie trailers.
"Two drummers. One bassist. Nosy bandmates. Drama. Whose tom-tom beats the last, will the bass strings last forever? Is there unexpected, astonishing, new ways to use the drum chair? Read it and find out."
Hmm. I think I'll work on that one.

I also have fics that don't have a meddler, btw! But there usually are meddlers in people's lives, because people are nosy like that and don't seem to have their own life. And Ni~ya kinda had a plot and a reason of his own, which was to have also some activities with Sakito. ;)
Yes yes, anyone would love the sulky, shady Ruka, who actually has said in an interview that since he just can't be right in the relationships, he'd rather be alone. So, he kinda does take the blame for his suffering and has decided to live with it. (Don't know if he really suffers much in his high-tech heaven at home, but...)

I liked Aki finding out about Kenzo and Ruka's past and the fight that ensued, and I'd have liked to have even more intense scenes like that.

"There shall be blood. Lots of blood." *adds that one to the new summary too*

So, you didn't find Kenzo's and Aki's relationship sounding like a rebound for Kenzo's lost love with Ruka? But you did feel that Aki's and Tatsuro's hooking up afterwards was? Hmm. Because in a way I thought it kinda was that for Kenzo, at least first, until their friendship with benefits evolved into something deeper.
When it comes to describing their characters, I try to bring their personality up in their actions; their choices and thoughts. I don't know where I have gone wrong if I haven't been able to deliver that, but I guess I have to look more carefully into this matter from now on. And when it comes to their looks, I don't think I describe that too much...? Just enough to give the picture. (or maybe I could just give a picture of them and leave the describing aside?) :D

your characters often end up doing what they have to do instead of what they would want to do.

I have to meditate on this one. Because comprehending it is way beyond my reach right now.

Anyway, thank you for reading such a long fic of mine and taking time to ponder it. ♥
~Here lies what is left of me. The rest is mystery. Ignore thyself.~ (Stan Rice)

Vuoden jännitys
Viestit: 495
Liittynyt: Pe Helmi 05, 2010 4:27 am

Re: Nothing you lose -NC17- ch.14/14 [Nightmare, Ayabie, SID

ViestiKirjoittaja lumiukko » Ma Huhti 29, 2013 12:21 am


Do you remember, when I commented Enishi and you said that I should read this because of Ni-ya? Well, I read this then but things happened and I never wrote a comment as my idea was. Sooo, here we gooo~

I haven't spoken English for ages as I don't go to school, so let's see how this works or do I really have to write the rest in Finnish.

As usually, this fic was brilliant or something beyond that. I'm wrong person if you want something else than praising words - I really liked this one a lot. (And I'm wrong one to say something about grammar etc, as I don't speak English that well, so I didn't notice anything that was wrong somehow, and I guess there wasn't anything like that, either)

My favourite thing about this was that it wasn't all about sex. There were those few parts of fucking, and they talked about it pretty much, but it wasn't the main point. The main point was absolutely to get Ruka and Kenzo together, and it didn't happen in a second. That's the other thing I liked, as in real life it doesn't happen that fast either.
Okay, well, I liked the whole text, everything in it, but Ni-ya was the best character. He's the reason I read this, and he's the reason why I like this so much. He was so... Evil, but at the same time he thought about everyone's best as he get Tatsurou and Aki together, too, when Aki was about to be the only one without anyone.

Aaaaaand then, about the other pairings than Aki and Tatsurou (they are cute in that spin-off, btw, maybe I should comment that one too?).

Ruka and Kenzo was pretty.. eh... Cool pairing? Both good looking, cool drummers. It would be so clische to say, that they are match made in Heaven, but they are! Look at those two. I can imagine how they live together happily ever after and fuck each other until the sun rises. And the hand cuffs, of course, but that's the one I don't even have to remark. So, those three (three because of hand cuffs) will live happily ever after and walk to the sunrise when choir of angels sings and unicorns fly in the sky and there's rainbows and stuff. At least I have to say, I again thought many times how cute Kenzo is, and sometimes even Ruka... I don't know if something's wrong with me.

Ni-ya and Sakito were cute. The devil and the angel. It was so slkhlkjdhasljkdfhdasdfoaiusdfa I can't take it. (Do you see how I don't find any other adjectives than "cute" and do my best not to use it?) It was nearly romantic when Ni-ya asked Sakito to be his partner in crime, and Sakito just couldn't say no, as he adored Ni-ya so much. Adkgsfkjg. Cute. Nothing else to say about them. ... ... ... ... ... Btw Ni-ya/Sakito was my favourite pairing <3LOVE 'EM SO MUCH<3 (wants more omnomnomnom)

Hitsugi and Yomi were quite lovely too, as Hitsugi couldn't keep his eyes off from Yomi. Or that's how I saw it, I don't know about you :'D It's a bit mean to say their love is one-sided (as you did in a beginnig), because I believe that they will live happily ever after too, as the other pairs. (And in the end it was like they will do so, so I think that "one-sided" is wrong. It's not one-sided, I'm sure about it, and if Hitsugi just takes his piercings of it would be all fine with Yomi too. And in the end with piercings too. Because Hitsugi isn't Hitsugi without his piercings. And now I'm out of control, somebody come here and call me down ;----;)

And then, well, Kenzo/Aki was fine, but in my opinion, it just didn't work out right, and even how much I like those two together, no, not now. Aki/Tatsu and Kenzo/Ruka are much better this time <3 (Omg I would love to see their foursome wait no not nonononono get out of my head you dirty, dirty thought!)

(I'm really getting hyper, sorry about the quality of this comment...) (No wait, there's no quality--)

Then, I think, there's only few quotes left and I'm done here~

By the looks Aki was a playboy and he definitely was not. Perhaps if he had chose to be one he could, but... Nonsense.

Ruka, you'd look good as playboy. Dress like that and come to my place, okay?

Marvelous, Ruka did have feelings after all.

Does he, really? (well of course he does, there's Kenzo and Kenzo could raise feelings in anyone!)

"He has drank too much and doesn't know what he's babbling. Get back here, bassist," Ni-ya commanded.

And who are you to say, Ni-ya, being bassist too? :'''''''''D (why only thing that comes to my mind about babbling is Minerva McGonagall saying "I will not have you, in one night, besmirching that name by behaving like a babbling, bumbling band of baboons!" ... My mistake, I'm sorry, but AAA why...)

"I visited him yesterday. I was anxious to, as Aki had visited him the day before and had had a good ol' man-to-man chat with him."

I can imagine Aki and Ruka having "a good ol' man-to-man chat"... But not the way they had. It could be better, that it stays in my mind only, so nothing else about that 8D

As you can see, three of them was said or thought by Ni-ya. I think I have a secret crush on him *blush* *giggling* Wait, I have boyfriend... Well, we can have that crush together on Ni-ya with him, then ^^

I think I have nothing else to say, really, and I beg you to not be angryfor me as I'm so hyper active tonight, but I have my secret weapon... Thadaa! *takes a little bag of chocolate cookies out of her pocket* if I'm not wrong, you like these? Want few of them? *passes cookies, giggles and climbes up to her bed getting even more hyper active*

Byebye and sorry (not sorry)~

~ lumiukko

    2 tykkää.
Vuoden angst
Viestit: 83
Liittynyt: Ti Heinä 05, 2011 9:43 pm
Paikkakunta: Helsinki

Re: Nothing you lose -NC17- ch.14/14 [Nightmare, Ayabie, SID

ViestiKirjoittaja Anraf » Ke Tammi 29, 2014 9:20 am

Hello, and sorry for taking eternally long to write anything back.

I'm glad you liked this and found Ni-ya as intriguing as usual. I really like his character in real life too. He's tender, encouraging and reasonable, but then again he can lose it in a minute and be totally something else. Well, usually alcohol is involved. *smiles lopsidedly*
He also makes quite a nice pair with Sakito but, surprisingly, I have found myself also entertaining and scribbling doodles about RukaSaki. Perhaps someday I'll share some. But RukaKenzo... yeah, I fell in love with the idea and just had to write this. I'm happy that even people here in Lafi do read my English fics.
And even more so when not being all about sex. Although, I do have some readers (friends) who are like "cut the crap already and get to the point where they have sex". *laughs* Impatient ones...

I adore your long comment and pondering; I can really tell you found this fic all the way very entertaining, and for that I'm glad.
Btw, when it comes to Ruka as "playboy", yes, he definitely could be that, should he want it. But he's a goth and troll and dislikes various things (read: pretty much everything), but we can always dream. Here, have a treat: Small Ruka collection at
Such a beautiful and fascinating creature... Have to admit, I'm working on a new fic with Ruka in it. I also have those unfinished doodles about RukaSaki... Stay tuned, one of these days I'm publishing something, I promise. :)

Thanks for the comment and I hope to deliver more these kinds of reading experiences to everyone. ♥
~Here lies what is left of me. The rest is mystery. Ignore thyself.~ (Stan Rice)

    1 tykkää.
Vuoden jännitys
Viestit: 495
Liittynyt: Pe Helmi 05, 2010 4:27 am

Paluu Vieraskieliset ficit


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